


Cat and Mouse

by Pyreneese



Series: Cat and Mouse [1]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: #Lxreader, #emotional manipulation by Light, #fluff, #lemon, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-01 01:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 50,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreneese/pseuds/Pyreneese
Summary: Your best friend Light hasn't been himself lately. But a chance encounter with a young detective named Ryuzaki will lead you being caught in the investigation, and falling for the detective.
Relationships: L (Death Note)/Reader
Series: Cat and Mouse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587103
Comments: 164
Kudos: 283





	1. A sweet meeting

**For some context, this takes place about a day after the potato chip incident**.

L's perspective

I watched the screen curiously, flipping lazily through the cameras in the house. On the surface, there wasn't anything suspicious about the Yagami household. They seemed too normal... it triggered something in the back of my mind. I didn't trust normality. It was too mundane, too arbitrary. Biting my thumb, I straightened as Light's mother opened the door. A girl about my age waved, and his mother let her in. She sat down at their table while his mother brought out some snacks.

I glanced at Souichiro, but he didn't seem surprised by her presence.

"Who is that?"

He blinked, looking between me and the screen.

"Y/n L/n? She and Light have friends since they were toddlers!"

This was interesting. My brow rose slightly as I leaned closer to the screen.

"Girlfriend?"

Souichiro seemed to consider this for a second before shrugging.

"I've never gotten that impression from them."

"Hm..."

Never? Light was such a ladies man it was hard to believe. After his little show of the dirty magazine, surely that meant he wanted to find a woman... He wouldn't pursue someone so beautiful? I quickly caught myself, scratching my head. Beautiful? Just by being connected to Light, she was a suspect... why did I think that? I bit my thumb again, watching intently as Light walked in.

* * *

(Y/n)'s perspective

You look up just as Light entered. He stared at you in a mix of surprise and... anger...? Why was he angry? You shrank slightly, but he quickly motioned you to follow him.

"Y/n. Good to see you! Let's go to the park!"

The park?... You two hadn't been there since you were kids! But you shrugged, gathering your bag and jogging out the door. He didn't say another word until the two of you were about a block from his house. He quickly whirled on you, his brow furrowed.

"What were you doing in my house?"

"What was I do- I always go to your house! Maybe if you hadn't been avoiding me for weeks, you'd know that I left a voicemail that I was coming over!"

Light looked you over before crossing his arms.

"I haven't been avoiding you."

"Wha... yeah! You have. Every time I see you, you literally ignore me! Is it something I did? Do you just not want to be around me?"

"That's not it," he said quickly, "everything has just been crazy, okay? I'm nervous about the entrance exam."

"I am too," you grumbled, "and I would've appreciated it if the top student in our school actually helped me like he said he would."

Light opened his mouth, but you stormed past him, walking briskly away. He was so different lately, always looking over his shoulder and tense... as if someone was following him. He never used to blow you off like this. He quickly grabbed hold of your arm.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. Just... let's go to the library and we can study together, yeah?"

You stared at him. Even his eyes were different. They were more cold... calculating. His entire aura had changed, becoming more... predatory... but there was nothing that could've had such an effect on him... right? He was still Light... you nodded slowly, pulling back your arm.

"Sounds good."

You grinned playfully, "if I fail, I'm blaming you."

He chuckled, folding his hands into his pockets.

"I don't know. I don't think even I could help you."

You snorted, walking with him towards the library.

"Why? Because you're such a bad tutor?"

"Or you're a bad student?"

* * *

You were walking back to your house. The sun was beginning to dip down, and all you could think about was curling up in your bed. An aroma made you pause.

The store next to you was a bakery, with chocolate and pastry smells wafting into the warm air. A grin spread across your face as you stepped into it. Scanning the shelves, you quickly picked out a large cup of ice cream and a bar of toffee. You sat down, quickly digging into your treats. There was only one other customer in the little bakery. Sitting in one corner was a boy around your age. You had to admit, he was actually attractive, albeit the deathly pale skin and heavy bags under his eyes.

He looked up at you, blinking in surprise. You smiled, giving a small wave. He grinned shyly, looking back down at his own ice cream. You stared at his ice cream for a few seconds before realizing there were strawberries in it! You didn't remember seeing strawberries as a topping option! For a second, your mouth watered as you stared. 

"You want one?" His question caught you off-guard.

"Hm?" Had you made it that obvious you were staring at his strawberries?

You quickly stuttered, feeling the heat rise up your face. _No, it's okay, I'll just ask for some myself_... that's what you meant to say. What came out was a slightly incoherent jumble. His brow rose, and you felt like jumping into a hole and disappearing.

"Thanks for the offer, but... I got it," you managed, releasing your breath.

"Are you sure? It's quite alright. I feel bad. I'm the only eating strawberries at the moment."

Well, it would be a good excuse to talk to him more... you smiled, nodding. He looked shocked that you'd actually agreed, moving towards you, walking with a slight hunch.

"They never have a lot, so you have to remember to ask for them."

You nodded slowly, beckoning him to sit. The boy obliged, not meeting your eyes as he pulled out the chair. He curled up with his knees below his chin.

"I'll remember that. You come here a lot?" You asked in interest.

He picked at his ice cream.

"More than I should. My handler says so much sugar is bad for me."

"Ooh, a sweet tooth," you teased lightly, leaning back, "I don't mean to make it a competition, but I have one of those myself."

His brow quirked slightly with a playful smirk.

"You're competitive?"

"More than I should be." You threw his own words back.

He nodded.

"I can appreciate a competitive spirit. I hate to lose as well..."

You watched him eat his ice cream for a second, tapping your chin thoughtfully.

"So what kind of games do you like to play? Or do you just want to win in general?"

His hand stopped midair, a large glob of ice cream slowly dripping off his spoon. You watched it fall and pool onto the table. From your position, you could see the gears working in his head. Methodical... intelligent... cautious? He scanned your face before answering.

"I prefer mind games. Psychological challenges... I like to catch the bad guy."

The guy leaned forward slightly, watching you. Was he trying to catch your reaction? He seemed like someone who enjoyed those kinds of games... trying to find excitement from the boredom of life... His eyes were encompassing... they made your chest quiver slightly. It would be so easy to get lost in those stormy eyes...You cleared your throat, shrugging.

"Oh. I see. You figure people out," you lean in, cocking your head to the side, "tell me, then... have you figured anything out about me?"

He looked up at you, those dark eyes trained intensely on yours. There was this pulling tension between the two of you, and your eyes subconsciously went to his lips. How soft were those lips? You caught yourself, trying to stop the blush on your face. You hadn't even known him for an hour, and you were staring at his lips? Thinking about how they would feel? Thinking about those long fingers... your stomach roiled...There was something about him you couldn't quite grasp. By all accounts, you shouldn't have felt so attracted to that messy hair, that overworked face. Especially when you could probably get Japan's dream bachelor... But you could tell you liked him. Every part of you wanted to get to know him as much as possible... you didn't even know why...

"You're extremely competitive. And you have a sweet tooth," he grinned, shifting away, "just like me."

"Come on, you already know that," you giggled.

He sighed, plucking a strawberry off the top of his ice cream.

"Well maybe if you weren't so open, I wouldn't have won. After all, there's not much you can deduce about me."

"I can tell you're a hard-ass," you grumbled.

"That I am one or that I have one? You should really be more specific."

Your face burned. He ate his ice cream cheekily, biting his thumb as if he'd said any normal thing. But you forced yourself to keep your cool as your eyes narrowed.

"Oh, you couldn't tell what I meant? And here I was thinking you were supposed to be some amazingly perceptive genius. My bad."

He opened his mouth but closed it. The boy considered this. He dipped his spoon back down but his cup was empty. A pout spread across his face. You offered him yours, which he quickly took. In about three seconds, what was once your cup was completely empty. 

"Hm... you may call me Ryuga. Or Ryuzaki. Whichever."

You blinked, nodding slowly. "And I'm... Y/n..."

"It's a pleasure."

Ryuzaki gave a tired smile. You scanned him critically. Did he _ever_ sleep? His cell rang, and his face dropped in disappointment. Even the way he held it up to his ear was unique. As he spoke, his eyes kept darting in your direction.

"Yes, I'm at Asahi's Bakery... no... but... oh... okay..."

His eyes flickered as he hung up. You couldn't read his emotions, whether or not he wanted to stay. In truth... you wanted to keep talking to him. Just a night picking apart his brain would probably be fun... He gave you a small grin, standing. Ryuzaki reached into his pocket, whipping out a small card. You took it from him in a daze. It was simple, just "Ryuzaki" with a phone number.

"This was enjoyable. I hope to speak with you again," he started to walk away.

"T-thank you," you blurted, quickly standing.

You didn't have enough time to gather your things when he was already out the door and had disappeared around a corner.

* * *

L's perspective

I was breathing hard, my chest tight. I hadn't expected to meet her there... I sucked in a breath, trying to calm myself. When she stared at me, it felt like she'd seen right through me... I hadn't given her my information, but it felt like she already knew all she needed to.

I'd had it all figured out in my head how I could talk to her. But she'd thrown a wrench into my entire plan. No wonder Light kept her around. She was quick and perceptive... and she had a sweet tooth... was I smiling? No, eyes on the prize. Her friend... the chief's son... what was I doing? Why did I even talk to her in the first place? To get information? No... that wasn't it... maybe I did profile her a bit, but my mind was reeling so much it was hard to concentrate. What did I think of her? Her answers? Shit, I couldn't remember. A part of me didn't even care that I didn't remember. What was wrong with me? Why did every part of me want to turn around and keep talking to her?


	2. Chapter 2

"Sounds like you two really hit it off," Light replied lazily, not taking his eyes out of his book.

"Yeah, it was nice. He was a bit strange. But a good kind. Not an 'I'm going to murder you in an alley' kind."

"Hm."

It had been a little over a week, and for some reason Light was suddenly fine with you being back in his room. He looked so much more relaxed, you couldn't help but wonder why he'd been so apprehensive. You knew you should be studying, the entrance exam was tomorrow, but you couldn't stop thinking about that boy. To be honest, you didn't even care that Light hadn't listened to a single word you said.

"Anyway, I was thinking of calling him," you sighed.

"Unless he is going to murder you in an alley," Light snorted.

Huh. So he had been listening. 

You rolled your eyes, slinking out of the room. You looked at the number Ryuzaki had given you, your heart doing a little jump. Should you...? Without telling your fingers to, you dialed the number. That familiar monotone voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Ryuzaki?"

At first, he didn't answer. You looked at the phone worriedly, but he snapped back to reality.

"Y/n. I'm surprised you actually called."

"Um... yeah... if now's a bad time..."

"No," he jumped in quickly, "I'm glad to hear from you. What are you doing right now?"

"Nothing important. I was thinking, though. You're a... fascinating person. Do you want to grab some coffee?"

Silence. You bit your lip, fiddling with the hem of your sleeve. Had you read him completely wrong in the bakery? It wouldn't shock you, he wasn't exactly an open book. It felt like hours when he finally responded.

"I do like coffee," he mused, "How does in an hour sound?"

That caught you off guard. Your first thought was that it was too soon! A slight panic blossomed, but you forced yourself to calm down. A smile worked up your lips as the realization hit... _I'm going to see Ryuzaki again_... You tried not to sound giggly as you agreed. Practically skipping back into the room, Light looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"You seem happy."

"Yeah, it's nice. You should try it sometime."

"I am happy," he scowled in defense, eye twitching.

He didn't... in fact, you couldn't remember the last time he smiled... three weeks ago? A month?

"Then act like it," you prodded, collapsing on his bed.

He mumbled something, returning to his studying. 

* * *

The coffee shop you two agreed on was the nicest you'd ever been in. It was obviously made for a more mid-high to higher upper class, with little cubbies completely dedicated to catering to quiet coffee and work time. As you circled the decorations, you felt out of place in your normal clothing.

Ryuzaki really stood out like a sore thumb. He hadn't even changed his outfit, still choosing to sport his loose white top and blue pants. He looked as uncomfortable as you felt. Even when you were shown to your cubby, he shifted, his eyes ready to run. In the little space, it was deathly quiet. You would've started the conversation, but you had no idea where to even begin. How much did this place cost? He told you not to worry about charges, but examining the shop, you wondered just how much money he could possibly have to spend here. 

The two of you stared at each other quietly. Something softened in your chest as he dug himself in his sitting pose, watching you with wide eyes. He almost appeared like a child, wanting to impress someone... he hoped you'd like this... You ran a hand through your hair. Of course you'd never tell him, but you thought it was adorable.

L's perspective

I shifted uncomfortably. Was this not how a first date should be? Watari had said women loved fancy things but this... I felt my cheeks turning red. There was no backing out of this now..._ it's okay. You're only here to profile her, maybe do a small interrogation_... but why did I want her to be happy? This place wasn't making her smile. I wanted to see that warm smile, the one that made me feel... good... 

I stared down at our small... overpriced... coffees... I sighed, swirling the liquid around in my cup. The silence was unbearable.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this night to be so..."

"It's fine," she jumped in, smiling understandingly.

There it was. That smile. The warmness that I could almost feel seeping through my arms. No, it was a pity smile. I nodded, dropping two more sugar cubes in frustration. No matter how much sugar I dumped in... it wasn't helping. She looked on sympathetically, gently touching my hand. Unintentionally, I bristled. She was soft. Would she protest if I held her hand? I stared at it as she held my wrist lightly.

"Tell me about yourself. You said you like challenges?"

"Yes, uh... I'm currently investigating the Kira case."

Her eyes popped. Drawing back her hand quickly, she folded her arms. A strange emptiness came as her hand left. 

"You believe Kira is a real person? Why would you even want to go after him?"

"Logic would dictate... and I believe... justice must prevail. No matter the evil."

"I like to catch the bad guys," she mused, remembering our first conversation. Her brow knitted together until she met my eyes.

"Logic? There's nothing logical about this case... I wonder if it's supernatural."

I almost laughed, catching myself. That was ridiculous. For someone who was so perceptive, she sure was outlandish. Her mouth tightened in annoyance.

"Don't give me that face," she growled.

"I didn't give a face. I have no face," I joked, setting my features neutral.

She stifled a laugh.

"You know what I mean. Think about it, Ryuzaki. There's no weapon or method of killing known to humans that can do what Kira does."

"Then he's developed some type of new technology."

Her face went pensive. She stared at her coffee, drumming her fingers along the cup. It made a light _clinking_ noise, the only sound in the cubby.

"Doesn't that make it supernatural in a way? Or at the very least science fiction."

"... Explain..."

"It doesn't matter what method he's using to kill. If it's undocumented, there's no telling how it works. That makes it the unknown, and you have to investigate it as such. Even if it means treating it like the supernatural... a thousand years ago, someone would think our weapons today were supernatural."

"But that's still no reason to treat it like magic."

"I never said to treat it like magic. Just that an unconventional way of killing requires an unconventional investigation."

Instinctively, my thumb went to my mouth. I'd never thought about it that way before... no... what I was doing was working. What would I consider unconventional though? Lind L Taylor was a long shot, and he had produced results...I even had a suspect already. No. It was all trial and error, a game of cat and mouse until Kira slipped. Although... my surveillance cameras were a bit conventional. Maybe I should've rotated the cameras, or put them in different locations? Light must've found out they were there... but did he know where? The supernatural...

"Ryuzaki?" her voice cut through.

I jumped, bringing myself back into the room. She sighed in relief.

"I thought I'd lost you there for a minute."

"Lost m--?"

She pointed at the table. I looked down to realize I'd been slowly but steadily pouring my coffee all over it. I sucked in a sharp breath. _Invisibility would be a nice power to have right about now_.

"That... was expensive," I sighed, passing tissues over the mess. She grinned sympathetically, placing her chin in the cup of her hand. 

"It's interesting to speculate, but how are you going to find someone who doesn't leave prints, no DNA or fibers or is caught on any camera?"

"I already have a suspect."

Her mouth gaped. Her entire face went white as she got closer. So close I could smell her shampoo. Was that a hint of rose? 

"Who? Why?" She whispered intently.

I seriously considered telling her. That wouldn't go over well. '_Yes, I suspect your best friend to be a mass murderer_'... what if... what if she was his accomplice? Here I was discussing the Kira Case with her! What was I _doing_? I drew back, wrapping my arms around my knees. She waited expectantly for my answer.

"It's a complicated matter. There's less than a 5% chance he's actually Kira."

Her eyes flickered in disappointment, but she nodded.

"I understand. The fact you have any suspect is incredible. Will you tip the police?"

"I... already have..."

She seemed impressed by this. I scratched the back of my head nervously. Y/n held out her hand.

"The entrance exam is tomorrow, so I should probably head home... but I had a good time."

Did she though? Guilt rippled over my mind. I never should've chosen this place. She'd never want to talk to me again, over the case or... otherwise. But I took her hand. This would probably be the last time I ever felt her.

Y/n stood, pulling me up along with her. I froze, stared at her, the way her h/c hair framed her face. Her eyelashes fluttered slightly, her body leaning in. I went rigid as she gently pecked a kiss on my cheek, letting go of my hand. All at once, the stress that had been building up melted away and my mind developed into a static mess.

"I'll see you soon," she murmured, turning.

I watched her scurry out of the shop, leaving me alone, the feeling of her lips on my cheek still fresh.


	3. Graduation

You were in a different room from Light during the exam. Of course you didn't have any doubt that he'd pass, but it would've been comforting to be in the same space. Graduation however, was... interesting...

When they called Hideki Ryuga, your heart stopped for a minute. There he was... Ryuzaki... slumping up the stairs in his favorite clothing... Your hand went to your forehead as you suppressed a laugh. Of course he'd be in the top of his class. You just hadn't expected to see him here! Wait, why _was_ he here?

You were seated in the middle of the sea of students, listening to their various comments on the duo. Soon enough, you watched them walk off stage together and sit in the front row. You scooted forward, as if you'd be able to hear them. Ryuzaki leaned towards Light, his lips moving silently but meaningfully. Your breath caught. 

Something was wrong. Light's entire demeanor had changed. To the naked eye, it wasn't a big difference... no one would assume anything was wrong. But you knew him. Whatever Ryuzaki had said had bothered him. Your row stood, and passed through the aisles. Your eyes fell on them.

Light didn't even look at you. He stared at the stage stoically, his body rigid. Your chest squeezed. What was wrong with him? What did Ryuzaki say to him?

Ryuzaki noticed you though. You beamed and he nodded in acknowledgement.

L's perspective

It was hard, keeping an eye on Yagami while watching her graduate. Truth be told, I only wanted to watch her. She was graceful in her graduation outfit. I could get used to her smile... I shook my head, forcing myself back to reality. Well, actually... I glanced at Light from the corner of my eye. He was staring forward dutily. Always the dutiful prodigy... such bullshit. Even if he wasn't Kira, I was willing to bet he had some serious, almost definitely illegal skeletons in his closet. I looked back at Y/n. Accomplice or not, she was in danger. Kira had proven how far he'd be willing to go to protect himself. And if she was innocent and ever got close to finding out Kira's method of killing...

I couldn't help but glare at Light. Different feelings surfaced, to the point where it was hard acting neutral. If he was Kira, he would go so far as to kill her if she got in the way. The thought made my hands tremble. I couldn't let that happen. There had to be a way to protect her...

My eyes popped, a plan forming in my mind. She wouldn't like it. Hell, the probability she wouldn't believe me was astronomical. It could blow up in my face and kill her even more quickly... or truly send her down a dark path, especially if Light was Kira. But it might work. If I could just...

Your perspective

Once the ceremony was done, the lobby was flooded by students, taking pictures and sobbing wildly. You fought your way through the ocean, looking for Light. You ran into someone, taking a moment to realize it was Ryuzaki. Your stomach fluttered.

"Y/n. I was looking for you. Congratulations."

It was obvious to anyone he was uncomfortable in such a large crowd. Hooking your arm around his, you led him outside into the cool night air. He sighed gratefully.

"And congrats to you, Mr. Top-of-his-class," you chuckled, punching his arm.

He squeaked, rubbed the spot, a small smile on his lips. Maybe that was why you liked him... his smile was warm... no matter how tired he appeared to be. His smile faltered as he glanced behind you. You turned to see what he saw, but he quickly got your attention back on him.

"You're connected to Yagami."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. You blinked, looking him up and down. How did he- he leaned in, his breath tickling your ear. A shiver went up your spine.

"I'm going to tell you a secret," he whispered.

"Secret?" You hissed.

His large owlish eyes met yours, urgent.

"I'm L."

He's... what? You stared at him. L, as in that detective in the news? The one who supposedly tracked Kira to the Kanto region? That was ridiculous! Yet, his face was deadpan, his jaw set. His conversation with you before... his own investigation, his suspect... he had to be lying! But... no... what? You couldn't explain it, but somewhere in the pit of your stomach, you knew it was true. He continued, placing a hand on your arm.

"Be careful what you say and do around Yagami."

With that, he pulled away. Light? L thought he was connected to Kira? You wanted to ask him, but he had already melted into the surrounding darkness. A groan worked up your chest. Figured he'd be so elusive and literally disappear. What was that supposed to mean...? Ryuzaki didn't mean...

"Y/n!" A voice called out.

Behind you, Light jogged up. You tried to smile, but your face felt frozen. As much as you didn't want to believe Ryuzaki, why would he lie about that? What was wrong with Light? Ryuzaki wasn't implying Light was Kira, right? He stopped in front of you, looking behind you. In the direction Ryuzaki had disappeared. Your body went tense. Was he what Ryuzaki was looking at? Light met your eyes, his face a cold mask.

"Hey, I saw you talking to that weird kid. Who is he? Do you know his name?"

You opened your mouth, but hesitated. He sensed this hesitation, his eyes hardening. You smiled uneasily.

"Yeah," you chirped, "that's Hideki Ryuga! He's super weird, huh?"

"Yeah," Light murmured, "weird," he trailed off.

Light's perspective

Damn it. What did he say to her? I was starting to believe more and more that kid was, in fact, L. And if he was... even if he wasn't... I couldn't kill Y/n if I had to... That would almost certainly link me as Kira. Hm. Was this L's plan? To use her as bait or protect her? Maybe both? 

I'm sure he was observing me at that moment, somewhere in the shadows. Did he think I'd try killing her here and now? No, he must realize I'm not stupid. Yes... he's watching my reaction, how I treat her... he must be profiling me... but why her? Did he have other plans for her? It didn't matter at this moment. He'd made his move. I'd just have to deal with the fallout as it came. Victory to L. 

That smile she was giving me was obviously a lie. A sigh built up in my chest. Pretending to smile was coming easier and easier. Knowing that I held so much more knowledge made my chest tight, though. I wanted to flaunt, have her praise me for the god I was. She shrank back, her eyes darting back and forth. I was almost sentimental towards her... to the point where killing would almost be hard. Almost.

She chuckled, saying she should really be getting home. I bid her goodnight, offering to walk her. Y/n turned the invitation down, saying her house was too out of the way. Yes. She definitely suspected me. Or at the very least that there was something off about our friendship. A wedge that had been growing for some time now, but seemed to finally be taking hold. I watched Y/n walk briskly for the bus. She looked back at me, waving a little too enthusiastically.

_Damn you, L._

_Not only will I have to kill you, but my once best friend_.


	4. Pawn or more?

Light just kept getting more and more distant. You tried to reach out to him, you truly did, but Ryuzaki's words kept repeating in your mind. You didn't want to believe there was something off about Light, but you couldn't shake the feeling. The scales started tipping when you met Misa. Simply, she creeped you out. The way she shamelessly worshipped Light made you shudder. Something told you to stay far away from her... she had the eyes of someone who'd die for her love... maybe even kill...

You held the phone up to your ear. It'd been about a week since you'd stopped visiting the Yagami house. Your parents asked if everything was okay, but you didn't tell them what was on your mind. Even if you wanted to, you wouldn't know what to tell them. The very thought of Ryuzaki brought on such conflicting emotions. The phone had barely rung twice. 

Ryuzaki answered.

"Listen," you started, not bothering to greet him, "I don't know if you're really L or not, but you seem to have something against Light."

"I have nothing against Yagami," he replied calmly, "in fact, I would like to be wrong about him."

"No you wouldn't. You'd rather be right. In fact, if Light was proven innocent, I'd bet you'd sulk for at least a month."

He was quiet. You huffed, placing your hands on your hips. 

"Just as I thought. You better tell me right now, because this joke isn't funny... are you genuinely L?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

You stared at your phone, trying to decide if you believed him. Rubbing your temple, your grip on the phone tightened.

"Why would you tell me something like that?" you barked, your body trembling.

On his side, you could hear him typing something. He spoke calmly, methodically. 

"I want you as part of my task force. Our sole purpose is to catch Kira."

You froze, staring at the receiver. The task force? Your brow furrowed as you went over it in your mind. Was this all just a manipulation? To get you on his precious force? Why? Because you knew Light? Your pride wanted to scream, slam the phone onto the floor, and you were close to doing it. But... something made you stop. This guy was investigating Light... what kind of a friend would you be if you just abandoned him? Besides, Kira was evil. You'd daydreamed of bringing him in, seeing your name among those who caught him. You nodded slowly. You could work with this. 

"If Light is innocent, and he is, I'll prove it, and we'll catch Kira. If he's... well, if he's guilty... I... I want to help catch him."

There was a brief silence.

"So, you don't believe in Kira's message... or his actions?"

You stared at the phone in shock. Is that what he thought?

"Of course not! I've seen the news. He's a disgusting, worthless piece of shit."

"Hm. Yes. He is. And here I was trying to describe eloquently why he's the bane of society."

"Eloquently? Don't tell me you tried some kind of philosophical speech."

"It wasn't _so_ bad," he defended quietly.

"I'm sure it was motivational. There was music and a parade and everything."

"It only would've been appropriate," Ryuzaki yawned.

A smile crossed your lips. As you spoke, you meant to sound commanding, but your words came out quiet, "I do want to be part of your investigation."

You heard a tapping.

"I want you as part of the investigation," he said almost as quietly. He seemed to catch himself, clearing his throat, "Excellent. You'll be of great help. Especially if we focus on Light as the guilty party."

"I don't like to be manipulated," you hissed, "I understand this is just a game to you. But if you're not honest with me, I'm walking out."

The tapping of the keyboard stopped. Your stomach did a turn as you leaned against the wall.

"I never lied. You could be very useful. The task force is small and if I'm correct about Light, you're a powerful player in terms of influence. Even if you are on Light's team, it's still better to keep my enemies closer."

"I see. And was our date part of your recruitment method?"

Ryuzaki was quiet. You heard a chair squeaking.

"No. I decided to recruit you during graduation. In truth, I do enjoy your company... But don't think I'll be telling you my deepest, darkest secrets."

Huh. You didn't know what to make of that. You hadn't expected him to be that brutally honest. But at least he wasn't bullshitting you. At least, it didn't sound like he was. You agreed and he gave you the details, leaving an address for some building.

That Friday, you took the route he'd mentioned, a security measure to avoid being followed. At least this confirmed that Ryuzaki was as paranoid as Light was becoming.

The building itself was a tall skyscraper. You weren't sure what you were expecting, but an inconspicuous tower wasn't it.

A kindly elderly man greeted you at the door. He had a slight shine in his eye when he shook your hand.

"Hi. Y/n L/n, here to see Ryuzaki."

"Just as I thought," he beamed, leading you into the elevator.

Just as he thought? Had Ryuzaki been talking about you? As the elevator went up, Watari couldn't stop staring at you. You shifted, meeting his face questioningly. He chuckled heartily.

"Sorry. For the first time in his life, L cleaned the apartment without me asking him to."

"Watari!" Ryuzaki's voice cut through a speaker.

Watari waved off his ward, giving you a warm expression.

"I promised Ryuzaki I wouldn't embarrass him."

You tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear consciously, your stomach bubbling. The elevator opened to a gorgeous penthouse. Ryuzaki was out of place in his own home, still hunched over as he sat in a chair. He pointed to a room behind him.

"The rest of the task force is in there," he murmured, "But... I don't want you to be shocked."

"Shocked?"

"Both Ligh-"

Light swept through the door, pausing in its steps. Ryuzaki cringed, giving you an apologetic look. Your mouth hung as you and Light stared at each other... and then Souichiro came in. Same deal.

You broke the standoff, shooting a glare in Ryuzaki's direction. He shrank into his sofa. Light turned his own glare on Ryuzaki.

"What is the meaning of this?" He seethed.

Souichiro rounded on the young detective as well, crossing his arms.

"I would like an explanation too."

"They're both working for the investigation?" You blurted out.

Ryuzaki shrank so much he almost disappeared in his sofa. The three of you waited for an explanation until Ryuzaki inhaled, standing. Light's eye twitched.

"It's true. I've asked Ms L/n to help with the investigation."

"Why?" Light growled accusatorially.

The young detective narrowed his eyes. He moved to your side, watching Light intently.

"She can help us. Should we not get all the help we need?"

"You're putting her in danger."

"We're all in danger," Ryuzaki shot back. He turned to you, his large eyes anxious, "please understand... you're putting your life on the line. Especially if... especially if Kira finds out your name."

You chewed your lip, your mind working. Oh, this was clever... using you to surprise Light, test his reactions. Maybe this was testing you too. Seeing if you knew Light would be there, how you took it. You understood. He really thought Light was Kira... that couldn't be true. If it was... that meant you could never feel safe again... For a second, you seriously considered leaving. Running home and forgetting you even met Ryuzaki. You didn't need to be here. Kira wasn't your fight. But you found yourself nodding.

"I understand the risks."

Everyone gasped in surprise. Except Ryuzaki. His eyes softened in a mix of pride and... admiration? Your ears went hot. He looked like he wanted to reach out to you, but he moved towards Light instead. Next to Yagami, he looked small, but he stared at up at Light challengingly.

"I don't force anyone to do anything. If she understands and accepts the risks, she's in. End of story. Come, Souichiro. Let's give them a minute alone."

Souichiro was still frozen in place. At Ryuzaki's words, he snapped out of it, reluctantly following the young detective into the room. Now that it was just you and Light, the room had become uncomfortably quiet. He looked to the side.

"Did he tell you he thinks I'm Kira?"

You didn't answer. That was all he needed. He advanced menacingly, fear racing up your brain. Light bent down, towering over you.

"Do you think I'm Kira?"

No? Yes? You didn't know... all you knew was that the man staring down at you wasn't the one you knew.

"Of course not," you whispered, taking a step back, "so... let's prove your innocence together. We've always done everything together... haven't we?"

"Go home," he said urgently.

"Light. You know I'd never be able to live with myself."

"At least you'd be alive. How do you know Ryuzaki's not Kira? What makes you trust him so much?"

"Light," you warned in a low voice.

His eyes widened in realization, the ghost of a taunting smirk on his lips.

"He... he's the guy, isn't he? The one you met?! Don't you see? Ryuzaki's playing you. He doesn't care about people. You're a chip, a _pawn_! You don't _matter_!"

The words stung more than they should. Tears prickled the corners of your eyes. Of course it had crossed your mind that Ryuzaki didn't actually have feelings for you. In fact, the likelihood was that he just wanted you for the investigation. To get to Light. But hearing the words, and from your friend no less, made your body tremble.

"This isn't about Ryuzaki. It's about catching Kira."

The two of you stood, glaring at each other. The corners of his mouth twitched in disgust. It felt like ages until Light straightened. He threw up his arms, his voice dropping an octave, becoming raspy.

"If you want to die, be my guest."

With that, he stormed back into the room. You released a breath you didn't know you'd been holding, your legs shaking as you entered the room. Ryuzaki was holding a seat for you next to him. You took it gratefully, glancing at Light out of the corner of your eye. He was silently sulking, giving you and Ryuzaki death glares. You got close to Ryuzaki, your voice lowering to a mumble.

"I know you're wrong about Light... but if you're not... he's going to kill us."

Ryuzaki rubbed his bottom lip thoughtfully. His eyes met yours.

"Are you still sure you want to do this? It's me he wants."

"Light is innocent," you insisted, but the words felt hollow in your mouth.

Ryuzaki nodded slowly.

"We'll see."


	5. Gummy bears and jealousy

Ryuzaki briefed you on the investigation thus far.

There had been the emergence of a second Kira, a phenomenon you'd seen unfolding on the news. Although you'd never met Ukita, the rest of the force mourned him, talking about what he was like in life... the idea fascinated you, though. To think, a person who could kill with just a face. The thought sent shivers up your spine.

What you didn't know however, was that the force had already investigated possible meeting spots for the Kiras, including Aoyama. So far, it seemed like nothing had resulted from the meetings. The frustration emanating from Ryuzaki was palatable. While you sat with him in his control room, he glanced over to you... admitting he believed the Kiras had made contact.

"It would only make sense if they did."

Watari called his cell, and he listened intently. He paused, eyes widening. You sat up straighter in your chair, but he ignored you, running from the room, leaving you wondering what he'd just discovered.

* * *

You were laying down on a bench next to him at To-oh. The day was warm, with just the softest of breezes kissing your skin. He sat in a crouch, reading a book lazily while you gently tossed gummy bears at him. For the most part, he let them bounce off his head, but every once in a while, turned his mouth to catch one.

"What are we even doing here? I thought you didn't like college?" You sighed.

The ghost of a smile crossed his lips as he flipped a page.

"We're about to catch the Second Kira. Besides, you've been avoiding your classes."

You shot into a sitting position, ignoring his later comment. He jumped in surprise.

"What!? Why didn't you tell me? Brief me? What can I do? I want to help!"

Ryuzaki held out a hand, and you looked at it as if it held all the answers. The Second Kira? What did he expect to happen? Was that why you two had been waiting here for what felt like hours? You stared at his hand, meeting his eyes. He had a playful twinkle in them.

"You _can_ give me more gummy bears."

A scowl crossed your lips. In defiance, you tipped your bag, shoving as many of the candy as you could into your mouth. His lip quivered as he pretended to be hurt, sighing dramatically. Through your mouthful of candy, you held up your middle finger.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" You managed, trying not to choke.

"You're right, I am," he smirked at your red face, settling back into your book, "if it makes you feel any better, Yagami doesn't know about this rendezvous either."

That didn't make you feel better.

"Yeah, but you think he's a mass-murderer."

"Only a 5% probability."

"Liar," you grumbled, tossing your last gummy bear at him.

He caught it easily, popping it into his mouth with a satisfied smile.

Light came strolling down the path, talking with Kiyomi. Hm. You didn't mind Kiyomi. She was smart, level-headed. Certainly better than Misa. Kiyomi bid Light good-bye, walking away as he noticed the two of you. Ryuzaki waved.

"Hey Light!... How's it going?"

He came over, shooting you an angry glance. His expression was easily readable. It screamed '_get away. I don't want you here!_' You straightened, returning the glare.

"Y/n and I were just about to go to the cafeteria, care to join us?" Ryuzaki invited.

Light gave a tight smile. Before he could answer, a familiar high pitched whine made you groan.

"Light!" Misa squealed, throwing herself against Light.

His eyes widened as she almost made him trip. Steadying her, he gave her a wary look, one that said how sick he was getting of constantly having her around. Your head tilted. It was obvious he wasn't attracted to her, so why stay?

"Misa. This is Hideki Ryuga."

She turned to him, her brow furrowing. You stared at her, interest eating at her mind. If you didn't know better, you'd say she looked confused... A low chuckle made the three of you look at Ryuzaki. He was chewing on his nail, giving a small laugh as he looked at Misa. You bit your lip. Maybe he was laughing at how ridiculous she was.

"Yagami... I'm jealous," he kept watching Misa, "I've been a fan ever since your August issue of 18teen."

You balked, staring at him. Misa blushed, thanking him profusely. What was this feeling? There was a small knot in your stomach. There was this strange thick taste in your mouth that was impossible to swallow. Your eyes darted away as others around overheard Misa's name and came over to ogle. Couldn't they see how much of a faker she was? At least, you thought Ryuzaki wouldn't be impressed. You held onto your arms, trying not to look like you cared or noticed.

Soon enough, there was a small crowd surrounding everyone. Misa yelped, whirling around.

"No way! Someone just touched my butt!"

Your face went scarlet as Ryuzaki reeled back. He danced around her indignantly.

"What? This is unacceptable! Who would take advantage of this situation... I will find whoever's responsible."

Misa giggled and you grit your teeth. That damn giggle. If only you could shove that giggle up her-

"Oh, Ryuga. You're so funny!"

It wasn't _that_ funny. Why the Hell was he making himself look like a fool? Whatever, it didn't matter. You wouldn't get jealous. _I'm not_. _If Ryuzaki wants to go after a ninny, be my guest_. Yet you could feel the knot tightening, wanting to lash out. You barely noticed as she had to leave, off to some photo shoot. Ryuzaki motioned for you to follow him for the cafeteria. You shot him a glare, but began following.

Someone's phone rang. Misa's? You looked around, realizing with a shock that Ryuzaki had it! He flipped it open, putting it on speaker as he gave you a triumphant smirk.

"Hello?"

"What do you mean 'hello'?" Light's voice growled through.

"Oh, Light?"

"This is Misa's phone," he cut off angrily.

"Hm. She must've dropped it," Ryuzaki mused.

You blinked. Touching her butt... you face faltered, conflicting emotions battling in your mind. Light seemed to materialize behind the two of you, holding out his hand expectantly. As Ryuzaki returned the cell, he tapped his cheek thoughtfully.

"Come to think about it, Misa won't need it. At least not for a while."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Light gasped.

That was quite a reaction for someone who didn't love her. You observed him quietly, analyzing.

"It's quite simple really," Ryuzaki shrugged, "as we speak, she's being arrested in secret under the suspicion of being the Second Kira."

Your body froze. Misa, the Second Kira? Anything was possible, and her rather sudden appearance did line up with Ryuzaki's theories, but... it seemed so unbelievable. Ever since you met her, all you could do was think about how stupid she was. How she annoyed the living Hell out of you. Was she really capable of arranging a meeting with Kira directly under Ryuzaki's nose? Light was visibly stunned, his mouth hanging as Ryuzaki waved him off.

"We found fibers and hair in the tapes sent to the stations. She'll be held at the new building. Now, if you don't mind, I'm really looking forward to that cake."

Light took a step back, a myriad of emotions flashing on his face. As he walked away steadily, Ryuzaki gave you a sideways glance, his eyes teasing.

"You thought I was attracted to Miss Amane?"

"No," you puffed, avoiding his eyes.

Ryuzaki stared at you for what felt like forever. Gathering your dignity, you met those sharp grey eyes, eating into your own.

"At least now I know what it takes to get you jealous. And considering she's the Second Kira and you still hate her, that's decreased my suspicion of _you_ by at least half." 

His grin was playful and warm. Red, hot heat rose up your face. You snorted, crossing your arms.

"I could've told you I'm not an accomplice... you just wouldn't believe me. And jealous of _what_?_ Misa_?"

"It's okay, you're entitled to your feelings," he cooed.

You gave him a deadpan look, wanting to disappear. He looked at you, waiting for your answer, that damn smile still dancing around his lips. You couldn't stand it when he was like that. That expression when he realized he was right and his whole body would swell, but it somehow brought his whole face to another level of sexy. Shit, you wanted to kiss him. And maybe... the thought of his hand even brushing Misa's ass made your body tremble. Could you actually admit to yourself you were jealous? That you wanted that hand roaming you, groping you? The knot in your stomach twisted, and you scratched your neck consciously.

"Let's just go interrogate her," you grumbled.

He cocked his head, pointing towards the cafeteria.

"Watari still has to attend to preparations. Setting up the interrogation room, collecting ourselves and Misa, and cooperating with the publishing company for a good cover story. Please tell me, are we going to have that cake now or will you just stew in your jealousy for the rest of the day?"

L's perspective

She stared at me. With a sigh, you surged forward, pulling me along to the cafeteria, making me yelp.

"Only because I want cake," she growled.

I nodded in a daze, feeling her tight grip on my arm. Hm, this was the first time since our date she'd physically touched me. It felt nice. Did my interaction with Misa have anything to do with this? In the sun, the light caught her hair like a halo, framing it beautifully and my breath hitched. My feelings were getting in the way. I could see it. As much as Watari liked her, he always took the opportunity to warn me. She paused in front of the cafeteria, fishing for her college ID. 

Losing control. That's what was happening. I was losing control of my thoughts, allowing them to wander, allowing myself to _want_. And yet, feeling her hard touch, the way she roughly pulled me, I felt the deepest urge to kiss her. 


	6. Still here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I finally finished transferring the documents and doing most of the revisions so I can say with about 90% certainty there will be 28 chapters. Thank you so much to everyone reading and I hope you enjoy what's to come :)
> 
> Also, this is my first attempt at like a montage thing (you'll see what I mean) tell me what you think! Any way I can improve it?

Light turned himself in.

You had no idea what to make of it. He just sat there in his cell for weeks... until he suddenly screamed about how he wasn't Kira. Everything was happening so fast, and you couldn't concentrate on it all.

You knew Ryuzaki watched you from his corner, observing. It was torture... listening to Light's pleads. You even found yourself believing in him again. This sounded more like the Light you knew, from the intonations in his voice to the way his eyes reflected the light in the room.

"He's innocent," you whispered to yourself.

"You think so?" Ryuzaki sipped his coffee.

You didn't say anything. You couldn't tell if it was just nostalgia, or your instincts working in your favor.

"I must admit, something is different about him," Ryuzaki muttered thoughtfully.

Hope worked up your mind.

"He's back to his old self," you offered quietly.

Ryuzaki took another sip of his coffee, his eyes glued to the screen. He looked over at Misa, still tied up.

"They're both putting on a convincing performance."

"Performance?... You still think they're guilty."

Ryuzaki dropped two sugar cubes into his drink. The light clinking of his spoon was the only sound in the room. He stared at the ripples his spoon had created.

"I'll give them 51 days. After that, we'll discuss what to do."

* * *

Ryuzaki's building became a second home for you. Days stretched into weeks as you spent most of your time in that building. You didn't mean for it to happen that way. At first, you wouldn't move from the control room, watching the accused teens as if they'd suddenly confess. A sigh built up your chest. Guilty or not, of course they wouldn't. You stared at Light day after day, hearing him calling out to you, crying that he was innocent. Ryuzaki tiptoed around you, never knowing how to treat you... and then one day it sort of... clicked...

You were exhausted, stuck in your chair. Ryuzaki strolled in, lightly touching your shoulder as you glanced at him.

"Do you want to play tennis? Or chess? Or do anything? You look half-dead and I need you to be okay.... to perform to the best of your abilities."

Your brow rose as you stared at him. It had been about three weeks and this was his most blatant attempt at spending time with you. Nodding slowly, you allowed him to lead you out to the tennis courts. He absolutely destroyed you in the game. By the time you were done, you were breathing heavily, shaking your head, but definitely feeling more alive. 

"How--"

"Junior champion," Ryuzaki twirled a ball in the air lazily, eyes dancing.

You narrowed your eyes, tempted to throw the ball at him. 

"You would. It's my turn to pick the game." 

***

Sitting in the control rooms morphed into long-winded conversations with him. To your surprise, you found out he loved J-pop. Even more shocking... you liked the same bands. You watched the genius, intrigued at how animatedly he talked about his favorite music. 

The two of you threw on your favorite band and completely got lost in the music, singing loudly. Neither of you were trying to sound amazing, but it was _fun_. You didn't even realize you'd been dancing with him until he twirled you and you almost fell. He gaped, quickly catching you. Carefully, he let go as the music continued, the mood shifting...but your lips tugged up as you offered a hand. Ryuzaki glanced at you, unsure. 

With a resigned smile, he took it and kept dancing with you. 

***

Sometimes it felt like your talks were only ended by the clock chiming, indicating a couple of hours had passed.

"You're distracting me," he lightly scolded.

"Why? Because I'm so beautiful?"

"Yes, I could fall for you."

You blinked, not knowing what to make of that. Was it a joke? Even he seemed taken aback by his own words. You waited for him to continue, but he silently threw himself back into his work awkwardly.

You sighed, leaning back in your chair.

"You're a pain."

"Thank you. That's the best compliment I've ever gotten."

***

Often times you'd fall asleep at your computer, waking up to find a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Ryuzaki would be a couple of seats away, watching his monitor busily. He'd glance over and say something cheeky, like "Sleeping on the job isn't very becoming."

You returned the favor, walking in one night to see him collapsed on the keyboard, the letter z scrolling across the screen and filling pages. The sight honestly didn't shock you. He'd been awake for almost 5 days now. As gently as possible, you replaced the keyboard with a pillow, earning a gentle snore. It was hard not to smile as you wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.

***

"Snails?"

"From France," Ryuzaki sighed, "I have to meet some foreign dignitary or whatever as Deneuve."

"I thought you didn't show your face?"

Ryuzaki shrugged.

"I disguise myself. The second and third best detectives in the world can't simply disappear. Besides, if the best three detectives all refused to show their face to anyone, people would catch on rather quickly."

His eyes sparked in mischief.

"Do you want to join me?"

"To eat snails?" You asked incredulously.

"Escargot. Come on, they're not that bad," he purred.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, n--"

You poked at the escargot. Slowly, you put it in your mouth... and your tastebuds exploded. Ryuzaki stared as you devoured your escargot, oblivious to whatever business the dignitary was discussing. Even the dignitary faltered as you attacked the food. After a few seconds, Ryuzaki started, grinning apologetically.

"Je m'excuse pour les manières de mon partenaire. Elle ne sort pas beaucoup," he spoke in perfect French.

He gave you a playful glare, leaving you wondering what he'd said.

***

Everything sort of... fell into a routine. Every time you entered the building, Watari would gush over how Ryuzaki was keeping the place so clean and neat. Every day, you told yourself Light was innocent. As the days stretched, you found it easier to believe in him again. Surely whatever was wrong before was okay now... right? The 51st day came so fast and so slow at the same time. Ryuzaki still didn't look satisfied as Souichiro demanded answers. 

"Souichiro," his voice cut through as he turned on the com.

The chief's face went to the camera. He looked exhausted and dirty, worn from weeks of being locked up. It was disorienting, he was a far cry from the proud man you knew.

"I want to test Light and Misa."

Your brow rose. Test them? You listened to his plan, intrigued. It was a cruel test... but both Souichiro and you agreed a necessary one. Still, you gazed at Ryuzaki thoughtfully. He could be so warm but then turn around think up a plan like this... you sat back in your chair. He was an enigma. 

L's perspective

I knew Y/n hated the plan. At the very least, she thought it was cruel. I could tell that much. She'd probably despise my handcuff idea. But if Light wasn't Kira, did I really waste all my time and energy chasing some teenager? All those resources? I built a freaking building for nothing? While Souichiro went to collect Light and Misa, I sat with Y/n in the camera room. Watari had already set up cameras in the car.

She leaned forward, and something twisted in my gut. I'd suspected she would've left by now, either driven away by my tactics or loyalty for Light. But there she was, tired, but working, her hair falling in front of her face. I wanted to run my hands through that hair, drag my finger down her jaw.

"You're still here," I whispered, looking at her.

For weeks, I'd asked myself if I did the right thing bringing her here. As narcissistic as I was, I knew I'd never be able to protect her. Not in the way I wanted. At my words, her face softened. Y/n looked conflicted, her defenses still up. I shifted, my face falling against my wishes. I don't know what I expected. 

My heart skipped a beat when she sighed. She moved closer to me, a genuine smile playing at her lips. 

"I know I'm not L, the world's greatest detective," she chuckled, "but I believe in what we're doing."

I blinked, my stomach doing turns. She was so close, her face inches from mine.

Your perspective

You meant what you said. You had faith in this investigation and... you didn't know why, but you had faith in him... He moved even closer, his lips practically brushing yours.

"I meant what I said weeks ago. I'm falling for you... and it's unsettling."

Your eyes scanned his face, mostly hidden behind his wild hair. You gently pushed it away, revealing his onyx eyes.

"Can I tell you a secret?" You murmured.

He waited.

"I'm falling for you too."

His lips pressed against yours. Little explosions went off in your mind as he deepened the kiss. His lips were so soft and warm. Ryuzaki tangled his hand into your hair, twirling your locks. You pressed your forehead against his.

"Now who's distracting?" You teased.

He pulled back into his chair, looking dazed. Now all we could do was wait.

Much to Ryuzaki's surprise, Light and Misa passed their test. You sat up in your chair, eyes wide. Was that really Light? Was Kira gone? Ryuzaki shook his head.

"Something's not right. I don't trust Yagami... not completely."

"But-"

"I want to handcuff him to me. Keep him in my sights at all times."

"Ryuzaki! He passed!"

Ryuzaki didn't respond. You pouted, but sighed. Up to this point, he'd been almost right about the entire case. You supposed you should've seen this kind of precaution coming. Ryuzaki looked at you, shrinking like a child.

"I have something to ask you."

"Hm?"

"It's just that Light and Misa will have to stay in the building for some time. The three of us will be living together, and I realized there's strength in numbers. If you're looking for a new place to live..."

You stared at him. Was he asking you to move in? At least to the building....His gaze went to the ground as he popped a cherry into his mouth, twisting the stem absentmindedly with his tongue. You placed your chin in the cup of your hand.

"I wonder what else you can do with that tongue."

Ryuzaki choked on the cherry pit, coughing wildly. He pounded his chest, breathing heavily. His brow quirked up. As if to subtly show off, he untied the stem with his tongue, tossing it into the garbage. 

"I take that as a yes...?"

L's perspective

Nothing felt real. In a few hours, I'd somehow kissed her and asked her to move in? It hurt to breathe as fear crept up my mind. She wasn't cleared yet! I was getting too close to her, letting her way too in. The same fear gnawed on my insides, making my head pound. It was impossible that kiss was real. It had to be a fabrication... a lie... I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was researching something, her eyes intense on the screen. My fingers gently touched my lips, remembering her taste. They were like a drug. Now all I could think about was kissing her again, running my tongue through her mouth.

I sighed, standing up.

"I'm raiding the kitchen, want anything?"

She beamed.

"Anything with chocolate."


	7. 3's a crowd

"This is your room," Watari beamed, opening the door for you.

You thanked him, stepping into the lavish apartment, your eyes popping. The house you grew up in was a good size albeit a bit small, but this... you never imagined you'd live in such a beautiful place! Vases and paintings lined the walls, and a large grand piano adorned the corner of the living room. To your right was an open kitchen, small but there in case the building's kitchen was closed. To your left was your bedroom... a room easily twice as big as what you were used to. You dragged your fingertips against the wood wardrobes and the large canopy bed, playing with the curtain.

As you made your way back into the living room, Watari said he'd let you settle in. You thanked him again profusely as he disappeared into the hall, leave you alone in the giant area. You walked across the dark red carpet and paused in front of the window... below you could see the entirety of the city. They all looked so small from up here, driving their tiny cars to carry on such normal lives... was this how Ryuzaki saw the world? Literally perched above it? There was a knock at the door.

"It's open!"

Ryuzaki swung it open, with Light in tow. God, the detective looked miserable. The latter marveled at your apartment.

"Whoa! Ryuzaki, we don't have such a nice place!"

He threw Light a venomous look and the other instantly shut up. You shifted in surprise. Ryuzaki didn't have as big an apartment? That didn't make sense... he designed the building! Ryuzaki rolled his eyes, pulling Light along into the room.

"I don't like big spaces. Especially when I'm trying to sleep. "

"Oh, is that why you're always hiding among your computers?" Light jabbed.

Ryuzaki's mouth went tight, but he didn't respond. You bit your lip. Light might be the suspect, but you were sure Ryuzaki was _this_ close to strangling him. Instead, he made his way to you, gesturing towards the piano.

"I don't know if you play-"

"You mean you didn't do a background check on me before inviting me to live here?"

He faltered, staring at you. Releasing a breath, he scratched his neck.

"Well when you put it like that, you make me sound like a pervert. I just don't know if you like the model."

"Pervert?"

"Misa's coined the term," he grumbled, shooting another glare at Light.

Misa. She'd tried reaching out to you, wanting to paint your nails or something... you suspected she just wanted to gage how much you liked Light. You'd learned to ignore her, but apparently not Ryuzaki.

You made your way over to the piano, running your hands along its sides. The model was beautiful. Expensive. It had that fresh wood smell that made your body feel light. A smile worked its way up your face as you played some keys. G, E, A, E, F#, G, E... B, A, G, F#, E, D, E... perfectly tuned. You turned to the two guys, gesturing towards the instrument.

"You want to play?"

Ryuzaki's gaze shifted uncomfortably.

"No, that's quite alri-"

"Sure!" Light exclaimed, dragging Ryuzaki to the bench.

"I don't know how to play," the detective growled.

"That's fine. Maybe Y/n could show us a little?" Light chuckled.

Ryuzaki looked at the keys.

"My sitting pose doesn't exactly allow me the best access to the keys."

You blinked, coming around him.

"It's ok, we'll just do something simple."

You placed your hand on top of his. It was subtle, but you heard how he sucked in a sharp breath. Slowly, you guided his hands to play the same melody you had, your fingers dragging on his skin. He looked at you... warily... your brow furrowed. Was everything okay? He seemed... apprehensive... you wanted to ask, but realized he wouldn't say anything. Definitely not with Light around. For now, you'd just pretend everything was fine.

You repeated the melody, pressing down on his fingers until he got the hang of it. His face turned towards yours, affirming that what he was doing was correct. A wistful smile crossed his lips as he repeated the tune. You started to move your hand to let him play on his own but he subtly flicked his pinkie against your palm, silently asking you to keep touching him. Light leaned in.

"Ryuzaki! Is that a smile I see?"

The grin immediately fell. He scowled at Light.

"I don't smile."

Light shrugged, "it kind of looked like you did."

Ryuzaki looked like he was about to protest when you hooked your arms between them, one on Ryuzaki, the other on Light. 

"Hey, it's getting late. Have you two had dinner yet?"

They stared at you until Ryuzaki's gaze went to the piano.

"No..."

"Great! Let's go!"

* * *

Throughout dinner, Ryuzaki wouldn't stop staring at you. You met his eyes questioningly, but he didn't say anything. You were almost done with your meal when he finally struck a conversation.

"So, how did you two meet?"

Light was the one to answer through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"I totally saved her."

"You did not!"

"But didn't I? Admit it, you would've been screwed if I hadn't swept in to save the day."

You rolled your eyes, settling back in your chair.

"When I was little, some kid and his friends started beating me up, stealing whatever had value," you looked at Light pointedly, "and I was holding my own," Light stuck out his tongue in response, "this dumbass came out of nowhere and tackled one of them...got a broken nose in the process."

Light folded his arms defiantly.

"Excuse you. The other guy turned out much worse."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Ryuzaki watched the two of you in interest, nodding.

"Impressive... very heroic, Light."

Light's brow rose.

"How has this profiling increased or lessened your suspicion? Is my childhood sense of justice good or bad?"

Ryuzaki locked eyes with Light before returning to his food.

"Less than a 5% chance."

You sank into your chair. You were beginning to suspect that meant way more... maybe even in the nineties. But how could Ryuzaki think that? It was like Light had never changed. Ryuzaki looked at you, then... and you were sure you saw the same apprehension as before.

"Tell me... what do you plan to be when you graduate?"

When you graduate? Hm... you hadn't given it much thought. At one point, you were on the path to be a doctor, but now... you'd never imagined how entrenched with detective work you could get. How thrilling. Even though you knew such a job wasn't a game... it was easy to see how Ryuzaki and Light treated it as one.

"Actually, you've inspired me. Being a detective never crossed my mind until now... but I like it."

He blinked in surprise. Did you say something wrong? Ryuzaki tugged at his knees.

"Interesting... what is it about this work you like? How do you feel about justice?"

You stared at him. It would figure he'd use this time to conduct an interrogation. This was all still part of his game. You glanced at Light. Was he only being this way because he was present? Or... did he just not trust you at all? Even after spending so much time with him, was your relationship regressing? Was all that stuff he said... falling for you... was it to get all his enemies under one roof? The word felt bitter on your tongue... enemy... what did he see you as?... Or was he only like this as a facade in front of Light? A precaution not to wear any emotions on his sleeve...

"I'm going to bed. You want to play chess or something tomorrow?" You asked, standing.

He hesitated, but nodded. His eyes sparked in warmth.

"I would... like that..."

Light butted in, smiling widely.

"And I guess I get to be there too!"

Ryuzaki gritted his teeth, looking ready to bite off Light's head.

"Yes," he seethed, "and you'll be there too."

You chuckled as you brought your plate to the kitchen to be washed. I_t's your own fault, Ryuzaki. You'll see soon... Light's okay_.


	8. A leap of faith

After heavy convincing, Ryuzaki had agreed to let Light off the chain the first Saturday of every month, the catch being he wouldn't be allowed outside the building and always had to be under Souichiro's gaze, either on the surveillance or in person. Ryuzaki was spending his free day with you inside your apartment. You couldn't stop staring at him as he went over the board.

Ryuzaki beat you at chess. Again.

"Damn," you muttered under your breath, examining the board.

"You leave your queen too vulnerable."

"Yeah, well you don't appreciate the value of a pawn. It has the potential to become a queen."

Ryuzaki considered this.

"Fair. But I won... didn't I?" He smirked.

You rolled your eyes with a sigh. Ryuzaki stared at you for a good minute. Your heart pounded. Was he about to kiss you? _Please let it be a kiss, please let it be a kiss_. The kiss in the control room two weeks ago was still reeling in your mind... but ever since then, he seemed so distant, always watching himself around you. Especially when he had asked you to move in. And then the dinner... so cautious... He always moved around you as if you might pounce and hurt him. You couldn't tell why, but it wasn't like he refused to be around you at the same time...

"I need your help with something," Ryuzaki spoke up.

Your eyebrow rose quizzically.

"You need _my_ help?... with what?"

He motioned for you to follow him. Abandoning the board, he took you through the winding halls and outside a little room. You stared at him, your mind working. What was this about? The two of you stepped inside, into a room filled with surveillance screens. Ryuzaki crouched on his chair, scrolling through the log dates. Misa, bound in her suit with the blindfold popped on screen. You winced. As much as you couldn't stand her, seeing her so scared and vulnerable made your stomach turn.

"You said once something interesting about the supernatural. I thought this was nothing, but I was talking with a student the other day-"

"Student?"

"Near... it's a long story. Anyway, he and I have very different ways of seeing investigations. I dismissed this, but he found it odd. Look."

You stared at the screen. She was begging to be killed... and then she went quiet. Staring at the screen intently, you found yourself sitting, biting your lip. Tears streamed down her face as a gentle breeze moved her hair. Your brow furrowed.

"I thought there wasn't any wind in the room."

"There shouldn't have been. And look at the angle at which the hair rises. It's like the air is coming from directly below."

"Okay... so it's weird... but what does it mean?"

Ryuzaki's mouth went into a tight line.

"I don't know," he muttered through gritted teeth, "but I think there's something else at play here. How does the Kira power pass? Is it exclusive to them or is someone transferring it?"

"You think someone's taking the power from Misa and giving it to someone else?"

His nose wrinkled as he glared at his keyboard.

"Stranger things have happened."

"But... that would mean there's more than two Kiras... at least, a new kind of person."

He didn't answer. After a few seconds, he shook his head.

"I shouldn't have brought this up. It's just speculation... I'm sorry. If I were you, I wouldn't listen to a word I say."

There was something off about the way he said it. You turned him to face you and you noticed his breath catch.

"What are you thinking?"

He looked like he didn't want to speak his mind. Like he was fighting himself. Finally, he held your wrists steadily.

"It doesn't make sense... any of this... especially... why you would stay."

"You keep saying that. What does that mean?"

"It's crossed my mind you might be this new kind of person. You seem so open to the idea of the supernatural, you were the only one in the control room with me when it happened, and you show an... interest... in _me_... but, why? Why do you want to be with me? I was thinking... maybe you were trying to manipulate my emotions and blind me to the case... all the while helping the Kiras. And I was allowing myself to be fooled. It would make the most sense."

You straightened, staring at him in disbelief. At least you had your answer, what he thought of you... He couldn't see anyone as an ally? As a friend? As... more?

"Ryuzaki... didn't we go through this already? I like you for you. Because you're weird and because you're smart. It's never crossed your mind that someone might actually find you attractive?"

Ryuzaki scanned your eyes critically. He shifted, fiddling with a pen absentmindedly.

"No. I suppose it hasn't. I tell myself that you're the enemy, but I can't quite make myself believe it. I find myself getting closer and closer to you. Kissing you, hugging you... I even invited you to live in the building... I don't know what's wrong with me. Even now... I want to kiss you again."

He slowly pressed his fingers against his lips, gazing off longingly. The enemy? Your gaze softened. He was scared... of this entire situation... the prospect of being killed, having his enemies all under one roof... caring about someone... you gently turned him so he was facing you, his eyes large. He seemed to both lean into and away from your touch... he wanted you... but was scared to... a lump formed in your throat.

"Ryuzaki. I'm not your enemy. I'm not sure how I can make you believe it, but I lo..." you trailed off as his eyes widened. Were you about to say love? Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth.

"I'm going back to my room," you whispered, standing.

He watched after you as you crossed the room, closing the door behind you. Maybe you were scared too... as you retreated to your room, you ran into Light. He blinked, looking down at you kindly.

"Hey! What's up? I thought you were spending the day with Ryuzaki?"

Your cheeks burned. You knew as a suspect, you shouldn't flaunt your feelings in front of Light, but the damage had been done. He could tell you cared about Ryuzaki. And he knew at some level Ryuzaki reciprocated the feelings. Either way, Light had seemed to go back to his normal self. You still couldn't tell how you felt about that whole situation. Instead of answering, you pushed into your apartment, breathing out a sigh. Instinctually, you went to play the piano. Your release when you were feeling stressed. 

About an hour had passed when a light knock on the door made you open it. Ryuzaki.

"I upset you." He had a way of stating things harshly, but softly at the same time.

"I understand. You're a really cautious person. We are who we are."

His eyes darted around your face with a hint of sadness. He turned, but still kept his gaze on you. Ryuzaki bit his thumb.

"I keep_ wanting_ to suspect you, but I don't... I want you to know I'm trying. I've been alone all my life... It's hard, but... I'm trying. And I do want to keep seeing you, properly this time. No more accusations or tricks... if that's what you want, that is."

On the outside, he looked calm... but you could read how anxious he was. Your heart squeezed... he wanted you to say yes...

"I would," you said quietly, a smile working up your lips, "I would love to keep seeing you."

He seemed shocked, biting down a little too hard on his thumb and drawing blood. Ryuzaki winced, kissing his wound. When his eyes met yours again, they were saucers, eager with a slight twinkle to them. 

"Good. I look forward to it."

* * *

That night, you and Ryuzaki went out for a walk. You sighed, wrapping your hand around his. This was nice. You intended on enjoying having him to yourself, before he insisted on being re-connected to Light. As the two of you walked, you felt the night air gently kiss your skin. He looked at you, trying to smooth down his hair. It didn't exactly work and he gave up after a few tries.

"I'm sorry... I was leading you on and then I turned on you quickly... I was just concerned."

"Concerned that I'd be Kira's accomplice?"

He nodded slightly. You pressed into him, picking at his wild hair. Ryuzaki watched you intensely, his dark eyes wide.

"It's okay," you whispered, fluffing his hair, "this is probably the most stressful case you've ever had to solve. It'd be weird if you weren't scared."

Ryuzaki opened his mouth, presumably to contest your 'scared' analysis. But he searched your eyes, the argument deflating before he could even say it. He looked out at the river, slowly winding under the bridge.

"Is it that obvious I'm scared?"

You bit your lip, debating. To you, it'd been plain as day. He always studied and investigated as though he was running out of time... he wanted to get this investigation over with as quickly as possible. He turned to you, hair falling into his face.

"I wanted to clarify... being _with_ you scares me... but _you_ don't."

The words were strangely comforting. You reached forward to brush back his hair. As he closed his eyes to feel your fingers on his scalp, you realized how much trust he was showing... eyes closed where you could do anything to him...

You pressed forward, your lips touching his. They were warm. He stiffened, eyes opening. Was he going to pull away? Retreat? To your shock, he closed his eyes again, his body relaxing. He intertwined his fingers in your hair, moaning into the kiss. It was a needy moan as he cupped your face, dragging his nails down your skin. This kiss was much different from your first. It was desperate, consuming. He hugged you, pulling you into his body heat as his tongue explored your mouth, getting acquainted with every corner. You tilted your head to give better access, feeling his tongue touch yours. A gasp escaped as he lightly bit at your lip. You broke the kiss, sucking in air, your fingers ghosting over his face. Ryuzaki breathed heavily, holding onto the back of your head for support.

He looked surprised, either with you or himself you couldn't tell. You leaned towards him, your heart jumping into your throat.

"I don't want you to be scared," you croaked, "not around me."

He examined you, took you in, debating. Ryuzaki trembled softly as he held your hand. Finally, he nodded, moving to kiss you again.

"Ok," he said in a small voice.


	9. Strange Feelings

"This has got to be the lamest date ever," Misa whined.

For once, you had to agree with her. Ryuzaki and Light were across from you two. As time had passed, Ryuzaki sulked more and more, admitting that maybe his suspicions were wrong. Light still didn't like the idea of you dating Ryuzaki, but he seemed to have shifted to a more protective position than a scheming one.

"Just pretend we're not even here," Ryuzaki rolled his eyes.

Misa glared at you, scanning you critically. Even though you were obviously taken, she thought you had some infatuation with Light. Every look she gave you was a scathing accusation. You'd learned to ignore her, but she always got on your nerves. Ryuzaki went on talking about how the Kira investigation was getting him depressed. You sighed, crossing your arms. He was acting as if Light not being Kira was the worst thing in the world. Light thought so too.

One thing led to another, and Light punched Ryuzaki. You gasped, both you and Misa hopping to your feet. The first thought that ran through your mind was how fragile Ryuzaki was. You were about to scream for Light to stop when Ryuzaki pulled some back-alley martial arts move and kicked your friend in the jaw. A yelp escaped your throat. Which one should you help? It didn't exactly take long for Misa to choose. She rushed forward, slamming her bag against Ryuzaki. 

"Hey!" You exclaimed, wrenching her arm.

She hissed, trying to bite your hand. You cried out, dodging her teeth. 

"Bitch! I'm sure you _are_ the Second Kira!"

"I don't _need_ to be the Second Kira to fuck you up!"

A scream caught in your throat as she sliced her long, sharp fake nails across your arm. She did it with such force that blood oozed out of the marks. You yelped, shrinking as she reeled back to strike again.

Ryuzaki caught her wrist, holding it at a slight angle. You looked at him in surprise as a shiver ran up your spine. He was glaring at Misa, looking ready to snap her wrist, but he just held it firmly, silently. She stared at him challengingly while Light stood off to the side, cocking his head at Ryuzaki's sudden action. The silent battle only lasted a few seconds.

Misa huffed, drawing back as she strutted out of the room, her nose up.

Ryuzaki shuffled over to you, examining the scratch. You heart leapt to your throat as he turned your arm over softly.

"There should be some disinfectant in the bathroom."

You nodded numbly as he retreated to get it, pulling Light along with him. _Well... if Light didn't know before, the fact that Ryuzaki's so concerned is probably all but a confirmation_. 

The investigation continued, but Kira's patterns had changed. There were connections to a company and suddenly Kira was killing in the interest of money? Ryuzaki agreed it wasn't his mo. You knew Ryuzaki... the way he treated Light. He confided in you that he thought the Kira power was passable. It was plausible... it would actually explain a lot. He paced, dragging Light as he considered how to expose this new Kira. 

Arguments between him and Light were common. So common that even Misa was slightly chased away, unable to deal with their petty squabbling. Hm. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. 

Maybe because of this, slowly but surely, Ryuzaki added more days and conditions to his removing the handcuffs. It helped that Light had completely changed, now wholly the person you once knew, down to his shining code of honor. A code that always seemed to interfere with Ryuzaki's plans and made him look at your friend incredulously. The first Saturday of every month soon became the first weekend of every month, eventually transitioning into every weekend. You looked forward to weekends, meeting him in the morning and spending the entire day with him.

You even tried sitting like him. The two of you sat in Ryuzaki's signature position for about an hour until you finally sighed.

"I don't think my deductive reasoning has increased."

He held up a finger.

"Shh. Just feel the deductive reasoning flow through you."

"All I feel is a contorting spine."

"Tsk. Nonbeliever."

* * *

"I mean, honestly! How did he even join the police! Idiot!"

You sat lazily, reading your book while he vented his frustrations. You'd thought this night would go a bit differently, seeing as you were dressed in pretty damn sexy outfit (a skimpy black dress with a corset and everything)...but no... Matsuda had to go get himself in trouble with the Yotsuba group. Ryuzaki seethed as he paced, tearing at his hair.

"I had a plan! Ugh. And he made me fetch him like a child!... I have to rethink everything."

He rubbed his lip aggressively. Ryuzaki's plan wasn't the only one ruined. Stretching languidly so your breasts went up, you blinked innocently.

"Why don't you take the night off? Sometimes you just need to clear your mind and revisit a problem in the morning."

Poor Ryuzaki, the oblivious genius he was, didn't notice you sprawled out, staring at him seductively. The whole rescue mission for Matsuda had been a success, and now the task force had retired for the night, agreeing to outline the next steps tomorrow. He didn't take your advice, his pacing actually increasing in intensity. 

When he continued his rant, your face fell into a pout. The two of you had never had sex and you'd looked forward to this weekend for a while. It wasn't like you were going to do it with him attached to Light, after all. 

"Jesus, fine," you grumbled.

He blinked, noticing you for the first time. Realization spread over his features as his eyes ran over your outfit. His mouth gaped slightly.

"Oh...," he whispered more to himself. His eyes popped, "oh! I, um, right!" His cheeks flushed as he gave you a sheepish smile, eyes turning down shyly, "you're very beautiful. Okay, okay, let me just--"

Your brow rose. He got close to you, grey eyes eager. A sweet grin had crossed his lips. But before your lips could meet, he paused, wincing.

"I can't stop thinking about Matsuda."

It was infectious. Now Matsuda's image was etched in your mind too. The mood absolutely gone, you sighed, motioning for him to sit next to you. 

You gently massaged his shoulders and he froze, his shoulders relaxing under your grip. He glanced at you gratefully, melting as you rolled your fingers over his temple and scalp. Later, he returned the favor, his hands running up and down your feet. Damn. At first, you winced at the pressure, but slowly eased into it.

"Wow, you're really good at this."

Ryuzaki's cheeks flushed as he waved off the compliments.

* * *

The time came for Matsuda to appear on Sakura TV to lure out this new Kira. Before the show was supposed to begin, you sat outside with Light on the roof. He was watching the streets below in interest. Glancing at you, he wrung his hands together nervously.

"Do you... love?... Ryuzaki?"

The question caught you off guard. You looked at him, and all you saw was concern. Your mind went back to your conversation with Ryuzaki in the surveillance room. That was months ago, about five to be exact... you'd pushed it out of your mind. Love? Could you honestly use that word? You didn't even know his real name... Light stuttered, shaking his head.

"Ryuzaki doesn't exactly talk about his feelings openly, but I've noticed... I was just curious."

The feelings were still conflicting, making you try to change the subject.

"Aw. You worried about me?"

He smirked, his face melting. Light turned his face away, trying to hide his expression.

"What? Me? No!."

"Mhm," you chuckled, placing your head on his shoulder.

When you suspected he was Kira, even his smell had changed. It had been musty, suffocating. Now it was refreshing, made you want to breathe in his scent. Rain dropped onto the top of your head. You wiped it away.

"What do you think's going to happen?"

Light considered this. He wrapped an arm around you comfortingly.

"Ryuzaki and I will be in the helicopter. We should be fine."

You nodded absent-mindedly. For some reason, you had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. Warning signs flashing in your head. Every part of you want to tell him not to go, to just stay at the tower with you. He felt solid. Right here. What if something happened to him? To Ryuzaki? The thought of anything hurting either of them made you shiver. You wanted to shield them, somehow force them to stay in the building. But there was no point in that.

"To answer your question," you said softly, "I... I don't know. It's a strange feeling. I've never been in love before... is this it? I think it is..."

Light watched you. He leaned forward, hair falling into his face.

"You know how I feel about him... but I'll look out for him. I'll make sure nothing hurts him."

You grinned, your insides warm.

"Thank you," you whispered.

As you two descended into the main building, Ryuzaki met you.

"We're almost ready to begin. Soon we'll find out how Kira kills."

* * *

The plan was working. This new Kira acted almost exactly how Ryuzaki said he would. Minus talking to himself in the car. You listened intently, relaying his words to Light and Ryuzaki. They both thought it was strange, reminiscing what it could mean.

While they were in the copter, you were in the control room, keeping an open channel between all the parties. You heard orders being barked to one another, sirens, and above it all, the insane raving of the new Kira. It was all so much, all so maddening.

And then Souichiro cried out.

You leapt to your feet, slamming your hand on the comms button.

"Ryuzaki! What was that!?"

"Shi... shi..."

"Ryuzaki?! Talk to me!"

"Shinigami," he whispered into his microphone, "they are real."

Shinigami? What did that mean?! 

"Y/n, are you seeing this?" He asked in a shaky, pleading voice. You'd never heard Ryuzaki sound like that before!

He sounded shocked, scared. When had he ever sounded so audibly terrified? You looked at the monitor desperately, but you couldn't see anything.

"I don't! Ryuzaki, you're scaring me. What's happening!?"

Instead of answering, you just heard a scream through your earphones. Your heart pounded a million miles a second as you swiveled to the camera hoisted inside the copter. The scream echoed through your mind, shattering your insides. All your worst fears and intrusive thoughts rushed up at once. It was Light's scream.


	10. Memories

"Light!" You cried, "Light! What's wrong!? Light!"

"Sorry to give you a scare. We're fine."

You stopped. That voice.

Kira.

No, it couldn't be.

Is this what having a panic attack felt like? Like you couldn't breathe? Like your skin was cold and clammy? It was probably just a trick of your ears. There was no reason for Light to sound like Kira again! Sweat prickled the back of your neck.

"Yes, that was rather shocking," Ryuzaki said thoughtfully.

You backed away from the monitors, as if Kira would jump out and kill you.

Anything else they said was a daze. Whenever Light said anything, you cringed, only hearing the predatory tone in his voice. And when you saw him, it was all but confirmed for you.

His eyes practically glowed a bright red. They looked down on you menacingly, threateningly. Behind him, Ryuzaki followed, his eyes scrunched in suspicion. A sigh of relief released in your chest. At least Ryuzaki had caught on to the sudden change in Light's behavior. The task force came in, looking ragged. Heavy bags circled their eyes and it was obvious they were having trouble concentrating. Anyone could tell how tired and tried they were. But they still inundated Ryuzaki with questions. Each one of them asked a million and you winced at the sudden loud noise. 

"Enough! Everyone, out" He spat viciously.

The entire team stared at him. Matsuda opened his mouth, but Ryuzaki shot him an icy glare so cold the young policeman retreated. The others stood frozen though.

"Out!" Ryuzaki snarled, any semblance of composure gone. 

Souichiro looked like he was about to argue, but the rest of the team was already scattering. Ryuzaki looked at Light, who stood rooted to his spot.

"After your panic attack on the helicopter, you should really try relaxing yourself," Ryuzaki said cooly.

Light glared at him, his eyes glinting dangerously. You looked between the two of them warily, but Light obeyed, stalking into the other room. You faltered, your voice coming smaller than you intended.

"They only want to know what's going on... we all do."

He whirled on you... but his eyes softened. Ryuzaki suddenly looked much older than he was. His eyes had a faraway look as he shook his head, asking you to stay.

"Shinigami are real," he said to himself.

You blinked, leaning towards him. He kept repeating it like a mantra. Finally, he met your questioning eyes.

"It's a weapon," he rasped.

"A weapon?"

He held up a rather plain black notebook with the words DeathNote scrawled on the cover.

"When you write someone's name with their face in mind, they'll die. There's rules about how they can die and how you can control them before they die. Ergo, making it the most perfect murder weapon to have ever existed... Light screamed when he touched it."

You stared at the notebook incredulously. That little thing had killed so many people? Had kept you and Ryuzaki awake for months trying to solve its mystery? A mix of anger and relief bubbled in your stomach. Ryuzaki stuffed the weapon into a plastic bag, taking extra care to seal it. You met his eyes.

"Do you think Light is Kira again?"

He shifted, looking around the small room. His eyes went sad as he looked at you.

"I don't know," he sighed.

"Yes, you do..." you stated, gaze darting to the corners of the room.

Ryuzaki moved closer to you, brushing his fingers against your wrist. Tears threatened to break.

"It all correlates with when Light touched the notebook. I suppose being separated from it had freed him...Y/n..."

He shrank like a kicked puppy, his face twisted in sympathy. A few tears escaped, streaming down your face. His eyes softened. A sob racked your body. He gently wrapped his arms around you, pulling you down to his chest. Your lip quivered.

"I had him back," you whispered, "I should never have let him go in that helicopter..."

Ryuzaki didn't respond. He held you out, taking in your red eyes.

"I'm sorry," his voice was so sad... your lip trembled as he spoke, "I blame mysel--"

"Don't," you said simply, backing away, "it's not your fault... it's his own... He chose to be Kira and this mess is his own doing..."

It was hard, but you were managing to be calm. Nothing would be accomplished by breaking down. If there was anything you'd learned from the detective, it was to set your feelings aside if it meant getting the job done. He didn't meet your eyes, scratching at his arms nervously.

"I was beginning to consider Light and Misa and you as my... my family..."

"Your family?"

His head hung defeatedly. You gently reached out, combing your fingers through his hair. He shut his eyes, just feeling you. 

"I never had one," he admitted, tugging at your hair, "In a twisted way, Light was my first friend... and it's my fault we're back in this game."

A lump formed in your throat. Did he really feel that way? Ryuzaki held your chin tenderly, pressing his lips against your forehead. They made you feel safe, even if you weren't. Slowly, you pulled away from him, bidding him goodnight. You figured he was going to slave over the Kira case anyway. 

* * *

L's perspective

_2 years_ _ago..._

_I stood in front of the cell, my heart racing, but I had to keep my face neutral. I'd desperately avoided talking to him, but it was my birthday, and BB was practically begging to see me. Of course, I'd refused but Watari said it might be good to get some closure..._

_He paced like a wild animal, looking distraught and scared._

_"All I'm asking is that you increase security around the prison!"_

_"B, you're being ridiculous. It's impossible for you to _see_ people's deaths."_

_"They're called Shinigami eyes!...I see yours," he replied quietly, gazing at me, "I can tell you unless you change something, you won't live for very long."_

_Was that a thinly veiled threat? I tried to make myself look bigger than I felt as I rolled my eyes. _

_"Thanks for the information, B. What does this have to do with the prison?"_

_"I already told you!" He cried out, throwing himself against the bars, "every goddamn inmate in here is going to die soon!"_

_"Since they're on death row, it would be concerning if--"_

_"You're not _listening_," BB spat, trembling, "there are inmates who still have years to their sentence! But they're all going to die around the same time. Are you an idiot? Use your fucking deductive skills you're so proud of."_

_I stared at him, gaging his sincerity. His eyes were panicked. No, he was a master of disguise, his acting skills impeccable. This was probably a rouse. It had to be. There was no such thing as the supernatural. But something tugged in my heart. I could remember a younger B, his kind eyes and bouncing soft hair..._

_"If it makes you feel so much better, I'll see to it they increase security," I relented slowly at a surprising sigh of relief._

_As I turned to make my way out, BB called out to me. I couldn't look at him, couldn't see the little boy who I'd mentored for so long. Couldn't see how that small boy had twisted into such a psychopathic killer._

_"Lawliet," he called softly, "I can't see my own numbers, so if I die with the rest of the prisoners.... good-bye."_

_It's all a trick... all a trick...._

_"You'll die when your sentence is up," I replied coldly, forcing myself to exit. _

And then he'd died of a heart attack. In prison, like any other of those low-life criminals.

I sat, the bottle of wine in front of me. In front of me, I'd flipped through the Deathnote until I saw BB's name, etched in pen, lost in a sea of names. My fingers ran over the pen mark. Such a brilliant, evil, beautiful person and he was just part of an ocean of ink.

"Shinigami are real," the words left my mouth in a whisper.

If I'd heeded B's warning, how many lives could I have saved? But _no_, I had to be so stuck in my ways as to believe the supernatural didn't exist. That something such as the Deathnote was impossible. I didn't even know it was possible to feel this much regret. Y/n flashed through my mind. What was I doing? I was..._ wasting_ so much time... detective life had been everything about me...

Was he right about my death too?

_Am I going to die_?

Alcohol had never enticed me before, it was literally poison for the brain... 

I sighed, tipping the bottle back, allowing the liquid to burn down my throat.

* * *

That night, you couldn't sleep. Whenever you did, your dreams were filled with the Deathnote, Light's glowing red eyes.

A knock on your door made you sit up.

Wrapping a bathrobe around your nightgown, you opened it cautiously. Ryuzaki was on the other side, his face even more worn out than usual. But he managed a smile, a contagious one. Reaching forward, he traced a finger along your jawline.

"I think we've had enough Kira for one day."

You looked up at him in surprise. He wasn't going to hunch over his computer all night? The finger slowly dragged down your neck, leaving a trail of shivers through your body. Your nose wrinkled as you smelled wine. Was he... drunk?... holy crap... he was... his entire stance was even more slumped than usual, his eyes unfocused. He leaned against the wall for support.

"I don't know how long we have, but I want to make at least one of these nights special."

"Ryuzaki. You're drunk."

His eyes misted over as he struggled to his feet.

"Ryuzaki's not my name," he snorted, "it's L Lawliet."

You gasped, scanning down the hall. You didn't see anyone... but still! Grabbing him, he yelped as you pulled him into your room, slamming your door shut. Your arms shook. He couldn't just go around saying those things...

"What are you thinking!? Why'd you tell me?" You hissed.

Wrong question... it was obvious he'd never been drunk before. His eyes looked you over, an easy smile crossing his expression.

"So you scream the right name," he smirked.

The heat rose up your neck. _Smart-ass_. He tapped at your wall proudly, swaying as he pressed his ear against it.

"Yup!" He hiccuped, "see? Sound-proof!"

Your brow went up. He stumbled to keep talking, but you gently stopped him.

"What's this about?" 

Your presence seemed so sober him a bit. Ryuzaki whimpered under your gaze, shaking his head.

"BB was right. I'm an idiot."

Who was BB? Idiot? There were so many questions you wanted to ask...You wanted to yell at him for being so careless, so stupid with his name... but... Slowly, you pushed his wild hair out of his face. Under your touch, he seemed to instantly relax, his face settling. His features were delicate yet they made you want to know more, explore him. He closed his eyes, feeling your fingers on his skin. His moan came out soft, pleading.

"I want to, I want to, can I kiss you?"

The idea sent a thrill up your spine. Your body vibrated as he leaned in, moving his lips against yours. Tiny explosions went off in your mind, and you melted under his touch. Was this a bad idea?... Probably... but now that Kira was back, everything seemed so quick, like you might die any day. You stared at him... a need shivering through your spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be pretty much pure smut lol.


	11. Lemonade

The kiss stole your breath. You gently held a hand against his chest and he blinked. 

"You're not going to remember any of this."

He blinked, examining himself as if realizing for the first time.

"How could I forget you, though?" He giggled, swaying on his feet.

"Ryuzaki...L-"

"I love you," he blurted out. You froze, "I-I don't know how to say it. Sometimes I wish I could just be normal... Light makes it look so easy when he talks to women, and I can't figure out if what I'm doing is right. I just wish I could show you how much I love you... I've never loved anyone... not like this."

Okay, so the words made your heart melt. But... you knew he was infatuated with you, but_ love_? You stared at him, knowing. He was not one to use that word lightly. Your lip quivered as you moved to him, your lips brushing against his. You considered him for a second before nodding. You couldn't deny, you wanted him.

"I love you too," you whispered.

L moved towards you, his lips catching yours. You gasped, tangling your fingers through his hair. It was fiery, needy. The kiss stole your breath as his tongue passed over your teeth and the roof of your mouth, poking at your own tongue. He breathed your name, his hands finding themselves under your robe. Your body buckled as his digits passed over your breasts, the only thing separating them was your thin nightgown. Every touch sent fire to your core. You rubbed yourself against him and he let out an animalistic sound.

You allowed him to pick you up, carrying you over to the bed.

He never stopped kissing you, never stopped biting and licking at your lips. You moaned into the kiss, which just made him grind against you lustfully. His tongue explored your mouth, dominating everything it found.

"L," you sighed, your nerves flaring.

"Y/n," he murmured.

His fingers found the straps of your nightgown, pulling them apart shakily. The cold air kissed your nipples, making them stand erect. He sat up, staring down at your exposed chest.

L's pupils dilated. He stared at your breasts for a few seconds, his mouth agape in desire. Dipping his head down, you felt his tongue dart against your nipples.

You gasped, the pleasure, his tongue's wetness, heating your core. It was unbearable. You needed him inside you, you needed him to fill you with himself and bite your neck.

You squeezed his member through his pants. As you did, he hardened, gripping the pillow beside your head. He clenched and unclenched it, releasing a raspy breath. He pressed his cheek to the side of your face, bucking in your grasp. Suddenly he pulled back... you weren't sure if it was just the alcohol, but it was the most raw of emotions you'd ever seen on his face. It was a maddening swirl of fear, happiness and sadness.

"What if I hurt you?" He mumbled, not meeting your eyes, "I have a knack for driving people away."

You blinked, staring at him. Touching his face gently, you pulled him so his lips were an inch away.

"No more worrying... no more thinking... tonight is about us," you murmured in his ear.

A smile crossed both your faces as he buried his lips into your neck, kissing and sucking. You cried out, pushing his head as close to your skin as possible. It was bliss, his teeth pulling at your skin, his tongue tenderly lapping the area. You mewled in disappointment as he left the spot... but you weren't disappointed for long... He left a trail of kisses leading down to your entrance. You inhaled sharply as he took your underwear between his teeth, glancing up at you quickly for permission.

"Don't stop," you urged.

He dragged your underwear down, exposing you in your entirety. L reached for his own clothing, but you gently stopped him.

"Allow me," you offered in a muted voice.

He ran his fingers through your hair while you worked on his clothing, pulling and untying. Soon the two of you were naked, Ryuzaki slowly drawing circles on your skin with his fingers. He cupped your chin in between your hands, bringing you up to meet his eyes.

"Y/n," He sighed, pulling you close.

He said it so reverently, his breath tickling your face.

You grinned mischievously, reaching down for his member. His eyes widened in surprise as you pumped it, your fingers running along its shaft. He moaned, encouraging you to continue. Bending down, you licked his tip, taking it into your mouth. He inhaled sharply, gripping your hair. L shuddered with a growl, holding onto your head as you bobbed your mouth.

"Keep going," he panted.

You could tell he was close. Before you could push him over the edge, you moved away, laying down suggestively. L watched your body, his eyes wild as he surged forward.

A cry of pleasure escaped as his tongue explored all of your crevices, finding itself in your entrance. It licked up your walls, snaking into your clit and making a ball of pressure form in your stomach. The pressure tightened, making you entire body pitch forward. You screamed as you came, explosions in your brain, your juices dripping down his chin. His tongue darted around his lips.

"Sweet," he purred, crawling on top of you.

"A sweet tooth, eh?" you cooed, spreading your legs.

Ryuzaki's eyes lidded. He exhaled sharply as you felt him enter you, his member filling your space. You blinked, never expecting him to feel so _good_. 

"Oh, God," you cried out, taking him in.

Your thighs quivered with the force, your mind blank. His lips captured yours, sucking on them desperately.

At first, there was pain, but that quickly turned to pleasure. You wrapped your arms around him, angling yourself to give a better position. He grunted, pushing his member to the hilt. You gasped loudly.

"Harder," you begged.

He smirked, thrusting into you at a steady pace. Your breathing went heavy as you struggled to meet his pace. With a cry, he pounded harder and faster, his thrusts becoming sloppy. You whimpered, hooking your arms around his neck.

L's breath went quick as his nails dug into your legs, holding you up. Every move hit your g-spot, making you see fireworks. You arched your back, your skin on fire.

"L!"

"Y/n!" He yelled.

He filled you up, his warm seed making you shudder. His mouth opened as you released over his member. The two of you rode out the orgasm, his hips rocking gently.

L rolled next to you, fondling your ears lovingly. It felt amazing when he did that, when his touch or breath met your ears. Something about him made them go into shock, and if you could wiggle them, you would. 

You turned to your side, meeting his gaze. He wrapped his arms around you, snuggling you into his chest. You breathed in his scent, a mix of sweat and cum, combining sweetly. L tucked a strand of your hair away from your face, tracing the lines of your face. Those steely grey eyes were soft... loving...

"You're beautiful," he sighed.

A blush rose up your cheeks. He ran his finger along your lip in wonder, touching at your face as if to confirm you were real. Spooning you, he buried his face into your hair. It didn't take long for you to hear quiet snores. 


	12. A perfect coincidence

L's perspective

The first thing I felt was my head pounding. I winced, sitting up as I gingerly poked my forehead. It felt like a red hot poker had been jammed through my skull. This was my first hangover... but I couldn't deny that I actually felt mostly rested. Wow, when was the last time I had a good night's sleep? I looked over to see Y/n, curled up beside me. Her hair was plastered over her face, and she let out a gentle snore. That's right... it was hazy, but the general events from last night came back to me. Her body intertwined with mine, our fingers wrapped together as she sighed... Her hitched breathing, the way she tangled her hands through my hair... I struggled, trying to picture more. All I knew for sure were these strange sensations running through me.

A knock from the door made her mumble, moving and stretching. Her eyes opened and met mine. I gently placed an arm around her. Watari's voice crackled through the inter-coms.

"Ryuzaki, I'm having the kitchen prepare you a fruit salad. It's good for your health."

"Watari!" I exclaimed, sitting up. Y/n stifled a chuckle.

"And what will you be having, Ms. L/n?"

The two of us stopped, our faces darkening. Y/n burst out in a fit of laughing while I quickly pushed her under the covers.

"What would make you think there's anyone else here?" I called, laughter of my own bubbling up.

There was a pause. A sigh.

"Y/n, just tell me what you want. The chef is getting impatient."

An idea made me lean into her. I pushed her tangled locks behind her ear as I whispered. As I did, I noticed her shiver. Of course I'd never tell her I knew, but I loved getting that reaction out of her. Her ears were a sweet spot I'd memorized.

"Get pancakes. With as much syrup as possible."

"Oh, I thought you wanted a fruit salad," she teased.

I wrinkled my nose playfully, nuzzling it pleadingly against her face. Her tongue stuck out defiantly, but my nuzzling made her giggle. She rolled her eyes, turning to the door.

"Pancakes! Extra syrup!"

Watari didn't answer. It felt like ages before I heard him clasp his hands together.

"I give up. Will that be 2 stacks of pancakes?"

"Yes!" The two of us exclaimed, practically falling on top of each other.

Your perspective

They were the best pancakes you'd ever had. Coupled with lying naked next to a hot genius and this was a pretty damn good morning. Ryuzaki poured the syrup on, sticking his tongue out in anticipation as it dripped down.

"You're so childish," you chuckled.

He held up a finger, pretending to suddenly become very serious.

"Y/n. It's important you get a balanced diet. You wouldn't want me to faint from lack of nutrition."

"Yeah, right, that's what you'll faint from."

You stopped, your fork midair. A memory from last night flooded through your mind. Your eyes met L's.

"You told me your name," you realized, your eyes widening, "L Lawliet..."

He paused, seeming confused for a second. Worry set over his face. The worry turned to the same fear you'd seen before. The one that made him run, the one that made him suspicious. He looked around, as if just realizing what was happening. As if all the joy and laughing and pancakes were a dream.

"I...I. did..." he murmured, running his hand through his hair.

You scooted closer to him, resting your chin on his shoulder. His eyes met yours and you felt a smile work up your lips.

"I won't tell if you don't," you rumbled playfully.

L's brow quirked, and he wrapped an arm around you. He still didn't seem all there, but what was done was done. You knew his name and that wasn't going to change.

"Now that doesn't seem fair. You have a powerful secret of mine and I have nothing of yours."

You considered this for a second.

"I'm terrified of spiders."

"That works," he smirked.

You sighed, letting the moment wash over you. The sunlight was filtering through the window, illuminating L's hair like a dark halo. You kissed him slowly and he followed with the kiss, closing his eyes in utter bliss. His fingers found their way on your shoulders, your heart beating quickly. Your breath hitched, as did his. He ground himself against you, your insides heating.

Pressing you against the mattress, he crawled on top of you, eyes sparking in lust. Dipping his head, he sucked on your neck harshly, his fingers dancing down your abdomen.

Watari's voice crackled through the coms.

"Ryuzaki, the task force has just arrived."

He paused, groaning. _Don't leave_, you wanted to beg. His body was so pressed against you, his member quivering. L shifted, moving to his feet. You could tell he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay there with you, just as much as you wanted to stay there with him. But he shrugged helplessly, offering you his hand.

"I suppose we shouldn't keep them waiting."

You blinked. The death note... was it already time to throw yourself back into work? Your hand gripped his arm. He looked at you questioningly as you leaned forward, tasting the skin of his neck. He leaned into your touch needily, his moan music but he gently pulled away.

"Once this investigation is over," he rumbled, teasingly running his finger along her throat, "we won't be interrupted," he pressed his lips against your temple seductively. 

* * *

The task force looked at the two of you when you entered the room. A large scarf was wrapped around your neck to hide a quick-forming hickey. It was warm outside and you scratched at it uncomfortably. Of course, you figured no one in the room would really be fooled. Unless they were Matsuda.

Light cocked his head to the side, watching you curiously. The first thought that ran through your mind was _he knows_... his eyes were frigid, his mouth tight. It was like being a specimen under a microscope. You shifted under his gaze.

"About the notebook," Light began, turning to L, "We should really bring it out. Let's examine it."

L's eyes narrowed suspiciously. You looked between the two of them, not wanting to step into whatever battle they were waging. Matsuda spoke up, bobbing his head enthusiastically.

"Yeah! Let's see the notebook," he beamed.

L glared at him.

"Matsuda, you idiot," he grumbled under his breath.

Souichiro placed a calming hand on Matsuda's shoulder. But even he glanced at L expectantly.

"Yes. Let's see this notebook... now that the situation has defused, we can examine it more critically."

"I wonder how you and Ryuzaki defused," Light muttered just loud enough for you to hear.

_Asshole_. You felt your own gaze harden. L relented, disappearing from the room. Light looked like he wanted to follow, but must've though better of it, sitting back in his chair. You stepped to the side, watching as L brought out the bag, the notebook dangling in it. Your eyes flickered onto Light. On the outside he was completely calm, too calm. Suspicion bubbled in your stomach. The detective slowly pulled the book out of its bag, placing it on the table. You reached for it, but he quickly grabbed your wrist.

"If you touch it, you'll have to see her for the rest of your life."

It took you a second to process what he said.

"The Shinigami?" 

He grunted. You hesitated, staring down at the notebook. On one hand, the curiosity was driving you insane. What did a real Shinigami look like? On the other, the thought of always seeing a Death God, lurking in the corner, standing behind you... a constant reminder that someday you'd die... no... the curiosity was too strong.

The notebook's cover was leathery. You spread your fingers across the cover, whirling around.

There she was.

A Shinigami.

Her purple hair hung around her face like snakes, and she gazed at you with cold, amber eyes. Your heart skipped a beat as you gave a small wave.

"Hi," you squeaked.

She bent her head in greeting respectfully. L opened the cover, reading aloud rules etched in the inside cover. As he read, he faltered.

"Once you have used this Deathnote, you must write names every 13 days or die..."

Your eyes involuntarily went to Light. Everyone in the room was gasping in surprise, their mouths open. He simply looked on, cold and unworried. Was it possible the rule was a fake? You met L's eyes, and you could tell the same thought crossed his mind. But he didn't say anything, instead opting to read on as if the rule was uninteresting. When he was finished, he gently shut it, staring at it intently. 

"I guess that means Light's clear!" Matsuda chirped, "if the person needs to kill every 13 days, we're good!"

L didn't answer. Neither did you. He crossed the room to search for coffee, his silence a heavy blanket on the atmosphere. Matsuda pouted, looking to the ground, wondering if he'd done anything wrong. You bit your lip harshly.

How convenient was it that there existed a rule that almost perfectly gave Light an alibi? It would be one of the greatest coincidences to ever exist... It was too perfect... too good to be true. And the general rule of thumb told you that if it was too good to be true, it probably was.

L returned, his face twisted from the hangover as he drank his coffee desperately. You knew what L was thinking. He'd want to test it.


	13. Enough for us

L had the notebook sent out secretly. You watched in fascination at all the extra precautions he took, going so far as to send it from a different address, a new alias, and label it as a coffee-maker.

You sat in his room, reading. At that point, the notebook would have reached the prison, and the prisoner would be trying it out. To your surprise, L wanted to tell the task force about his test, but you'd convinced him not to, not until the results came back. It would eliminate an extra 13 days where Light might try to pull some trick. 

The two of you waited tensely as the days passed. The nights were becoming colder as fall transitioned to winter. It was like that night together had unlocked something, and sex came easily. You loved when he spooned you after, leaving gentle kisses on the nape of your neck. You felt complete with him, like he was just an extension of your body. But by the eighth day, you'd gone from sleeping in your nightgown to a full-blown sweatshirt and pants, in addition to a heavy blanket that was always wrapped around your shoulder. 

L didn't mind the cold, opting to warm himself with steaming cups of coffee and hot chocolate. Watari lit a flames in all the fireplaces, casting warm glows as you sat with L on his chair, sharing the sweet drinks. 

Finally, the 13th day came.

The two of you scrambled to the radio, L switching it on.

"L speaking."

"Yes, sir. The prisoner is, in fact, alive."

Your chest tightened. Exactly as L predicted. Did that confirm...

"Light is Kira," L said simply.

You covered your mouth with your hands. A part of you expected it. It only made sense at this point. But still... the thought of Light being a mass-murderer... your body trembled. 

"Is this it?" You whimpered.

He nodded, his mouth a tight line.

"This test might be labeled as only circumstantial evidence... but it's still evidence. It's not enough to get a conviction. It'll destroy his alibi."

"But it's enough for us," you said quietly, staring at the table.

L paused, glancing in your direction. He placed a hand on you shoulder silently. A cry racked your body. He didn't say or do anything else, just left his hand there, grounding yet comforting. Inhaling slowly, you straightened, feeling a resolve you never thought you would. You met L's wide eyes. The two of you needed something absolute. Something Light wouldn't be to charm or snake his way out of. 

"Let's get that son of a bitch."

"Short. To the point. Motivational. Well done."

"Thanks. I worked on it all night."

"It shows. Marshmallow?"

L never told the force about this test. As time passed, he seemed to move away from the force, working more and more alone with you. Light noticed after a while, and wanted to be in on your sessions. That's where your area of expertise came in.

"You want to impede on my boyfriend time?" you'd gasp.

"Boyfrie- Y/n! This case is serious! Stop distracting Ryuzaki and let's work on this together."

"Fine," you sing-sang, twirling your hair, pretending to be stupid, "But you'll be the one watching us make out. And Ryuzaki can get very creative with his tongue."

"Oh, Jesus, Y/n!" His face would twist in disgust as he left, leaving comments under his breath as he backed down.

Every time he tried to get in, you'd go into more and more graphic detail about what you and Ryuzaki would be doing while researching. For the time, it worked.

"I wouldn't mind making that a reality," Ryuzaki purred as you sat next to him.

You shot him a playful glare.

"Don't we have a case to work on?"

"I suppose."

Soon, Light started calling your bluff, insisting the three of you work together. As he came in, you threw yourself on top of L, kissing him deeply. L blinked, screwing his eyes closed as he returned the kiss. Light froze in the doorway while Ryuzaki had no problem playing along with your display.

"I have to burn that out of my memory," Light cringed.

"Get used to it," you called, turning your attention to Ryuzaki seductively, "there's a _lot_ more where that came from."

He gave an aloof grin. The strategy worked better than you would've thought.

L had a hard time picturing his next big move. What battle could possibly expose Light? What could get you two a true conviction? (**Pyre:** **I don't know, L, I'm not Ohba or Obata. Give me a break :P. L: But the story... Pyre: Goddammit! If you're so worried, why don't you write it yourself? L: Ok, ok... geez..**) It got to the point where he hung upside down in his seat. You twisted yourself to face him.

"What are you doing?"

"I was hoping," he grumbled, rubbing his temple, "that the extra blood-flow to my brain would help me think."

You tilted your head, "I don't think that's how it works."

"It's either this or die of diabetes," he sighed.

You pecked his upside down lips.

"Hmm. I think I prefer this method, then."

As the murders continued, L kept searching for the second note. You watched him pour over his work, tugging at his hair from the stress.

One night, you told L you were going out to get some ice cream. It was twilight, and the cool air kissed your skin. As you walked, you felt a presence behind you. Turning, you saw Light, leaning against the building's wall lazily. Your eyes caught and he smirked, getting on his feet. You stiffened. He sauntered closer, eyeing you with a smug yawn.

"Light."

"Y/n... so, how's your little crouching detective doing?"

Straightening, you met his eyes evenly.

"Fine, why do you ask?"

"Just curious."

He stepped forward. Your nose wrinkled in disgust. The lingering scent of death seemed to permeate from him. It filled your nose the closer he got, so close you almost gagged. He tilted his head.

"Isn't life funny? Everyone thought the two of us would be together."

Now the thought made you want to laugh.

"Yeah. Isn't life strange?"

You turned to hurriedly walk away, but he called out to you. You froze.

"Be careful about your boyfriend. Watch him well. This case is very dangerous."

Whirling on him, you forced a smile. 

"Well then, I guess it's a good thing you promised you wouldn't let anything happen to him."

Light shrugged, uninterested. 

"Oh, I'll _try_... but you know how fate goes. Sometimes you're forced to break a promise."

You glared at him, wishing you could burn a hole into his skull with your eyes. He waved flippantly, stepping away. Turning slowly, you walked as quickly as possible, his words still ringing in your ears. No. You'd protect L. Whatever it took.


	14. The Deal

Ryuk's perspective

Everyone was giving quite a show. But it was a quiet lull, a time of intense investigation and a lot less clashing between sides. I sighed. I hated when the warring sides were silent. Rem continued watching over Misa, and I couldn't help but feel a shiver of disgust. A Shinigami caring so deeply about a human? Hell, two had died for that woman already...

Of course she refused to talk, fancying herself higher than the likes of me. Honestly, who cared? Just being a Shinigami meant the bitch was down to my level.

I tapped a claw against my apple thoughtfully. If that Shinigami was so careless with her life, surely she'd be dead soon enough. It was difficult to remember, just a slight glance in the back of my mind. But I remembered there being a legend about Shinigami remains.

A curse escaped. If only I could remember. Then things might become _very_ interesting. No, I'd have to travel to the Shinigami realm to find out...

I sought out Crin, a rather ratty death god. As in, his ears were that of a rat's, and his nose and mouth were elongated unnaturally. Oh, but he could slip into any room, discover the highest secrets of the king. He barely looked up as I approached, a grin playing at his lips.

"Ryuk. It's a shame about that note you dropped, eh? Now you have to be around some human for the rest of his life."

Hm. Of course I did't have to ask how he knew. By now, the spectacle on Earth had reached the Shinigami realm. It was intriguing watching the gods crowd around the Passageway, staring into it intently as they chuckled and pointed, placing their bets.

"I've come for information, legends of Shinigami remains... and I bring apples."

It was painful giving him so many fresh, juicy, blood red apples. His eyes widened in desire as he pushed himself off the wall, slinking over to me. I watched him in interest, tilting my head curiously. He winked, a dangerous smirk spreading across his face.

"There are many uses for the ashes, but you're looking for something a little more entertaining, am I correct?"

I nodded slowly, staring at him. Crin clasped his bony hands together.

"Excellent," he purred, "I know just the thing..."

Crin then took the small bag of apples from my hand, smelling them reverently. Finally, he looked at me.

"Don't waste my precious gift. Not on the same human."

"Light?" I snickered, "Oh, no. He has enough power. Give him anymore and there's no point! It'd be too easy."

Crin nodded as he bit into the apple, his eyes glazing over in pleasure. The eyes re-focused on me.

"And if this leads to his downfall? You'll lose your entertainment," he warned.

I chuckled, shaking my head. None of them understood. They were all too mundane, too stupid.

"I don't give a fuck. If he can't beat the challenges thrown at him, does he really deserve to be a god?"

"He never did," Crin snorted, eating an apple whole, "but it's your choice. I suppose the last thing to do then is wait for this Shinigami of yours to die."

* * *

You fell to the ground with an _oomph_. L shook his head.

"Work on your stance. Here, like this."

A shiver ran up your spine as he positioned you, his fingers dragging lazily along your pose.

"Don't point your feet... you might end up breaking your toes. Simply pull my arm and kick up."

You did as he said, but he managed to dodge you easily, tripping you as you moved. You crashed hard, pain shooting throughout your body. L held out a hand.

"Again."

For hours you worked on that stupid kick. By the end of the day, you'd actually managed to clip L's chin. He yelped, rubbing his jaw. But his eyes glinted proudly.

"Good form. Capoeira's very challenging...We can work more tomorrow if you want."

You beamed, reaching for your towel. He gently took it.

"Allow me."

Closing your eyes, you felt him pass the towel over your sweaty features, dabbing softly. Ever since you'd seen him fight with Light, you were fascinated by the art. Capoeira. An exciting mix of dance and fight. Your skin heated up when you sensed his face get close to yours. Turning to him, you waited for his lips, your eyes still closed.

"Would you like a kiss?" He whispered.

You nodded, your lips parting slightly. Something touched them, but you weren't sure what... you opened your eyes, looking down to see a little chocolate propped between your lips. L grinned playfully while you rolled the eyes, chewing the chocolate.

"Kiss, ha. Very mature," you chuckled.

He leaned in, this time pressing his lips against yours. You gaped in surprise, feeling his tongue move throughout your mouth. He licked up the chocolate on your teeth. Holding onto his shoulders, you melted into the kiss, your head spinning wildly.

You broke the kiss, gasping for air, looking at his features. He leaned forward, absentmindedly fondling your ear. His brow furrowed and you touched his shoulder gently.

"Are you okay?"

He cocked his head to the side, hand going to his temple.

"It's the strangest thing... my ears are ringing from your kick."

"Oof. Sorry about that."

He didn't respond.

"It's like a bell," he whispered.

You blinked, concern running up your mind. When the ringing didn't stop after a minute, you ran your hands through his silky hair. He pressed into your touch, eyes darting around your face.

"Does it hurt?"

L shook his head slowly, but you could tell it was bothering him. Standing, you offered him a hand.

"It's late, I'm going to bed," you said coyly.

He turned to you, a slight smirk on his face. You guessed he still heard the ringing, but had pushed it to the back of his mind.

"It _is_ rather late, but I'm not very tired."

"You're never tired," you chuckled.

He tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Good point," he murmured, now turning fully towards you, his eyes scanning you as he stood, "are you?"

"Didn't I just_ say_ I was going to bed?" You chirped innocently.

"You never said you were going there to sleep."

"Hm. Well, who can argue with a great detective's logic?"

L beamed proudly, enveloping your hand in his. Trying to be quiet, the two of you ran to your room, tripping over each other. As you strolled in, L locked the door, giving you a hungry look. Slowly, teasingly, you pulled off your shirt, stretching languidly. His eyes glazed over in lust as he stepped forward, watching your breasts shift as his mouth collided with yours.

You gasped, running your fingers through his hair. If you could stop time, be in this position forever. He tasted like chocolate, his scent sweet. A shudder passed through you as he led you to the bed, his lips going to your neck.

They trailed down until his tongue swirled around your nipples.

"Oh, God," you moaned, trembling.

He sucked on them, gently nipping down with his teeth. You back arched, wanting to feel his mouth. He grinned seductively, his hands moving up your hips. 

L's perspective

She drove me crazy. Everything about her. I wanted to hug her tightly, take her into myself. She let out a moan, sending whatever thoughts I had scattering. Her skin was so soft as my tongue traveled down her abdomen.

"L," she breathed, tightening her grip on my hair.

I smiled as she said my real name. Hearing it from her lips made me shiver. Soon, we were horizontal on her bed, my knees between her legs. I could feel her throbbing heat, and it made my pulse quicken.

She grinned seductively and reached out, undoing and pulling down my pants. She quickly got on all fours, whimpering with need. I stared at her, the way she shook as she humped the bed in frustration.

I cried out as I entered her from behind, her walls closing around my member.

Your perspective

There it was. That feeling of being full. You scrabbled, clawing at the bed sheets, breathing wildly.

"Y/n, you're so tight" he murmured, thrusting.

You yelled, trying to meet his thrusts, grinding your hips. He inhaled sharply, but kept going, thrusting steadily. Your mouth opened as your eyes shut, unable to process anything else.

"Fuck me," you moaned, pulling him closer.

His thrusts became harder as he pounded into you, his fingers leaving bruises on your hips.

"Y/n!" He yelled, coming deep in you.

"Lawliet!" You gasped, your breath so gone the name was strained.

You came and he shuddered, rocking his hips gently as the two of you rode out your orgasms. Kissing your forehead, he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I love you." He admitted, cupping your face tenderly.

Stars had filled your vision. You smiled, touching his lips.

"I love you too."

As he exited, you whimpered as the sudden loss. You still wanted to feel him inside, you still wanted him to be a_ part_ of you. You weren't disappointed for long as he pulled you against him, burying his face in your hair, breathing you in. You wrapped yourself in his warmth, his body heat seeping into you. Your eyelids fluttered as he kissed your throat, holding you.


	15. Gaeta's Lament

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***RECOMMENDATION*** Before reading, I suggest looking up "L Lawliet singing song extended" if you haven't seen/heard it before.  
The song is called "Gaeta's lament", a song L's voice actor did for another show. It's so haunting and beautiful and hearing it in L's voice is so surreal. So yeah :). Enjoy!

You were awoken by the piano. L was trying to play something, cursing as he played the wrong note. Yawning, you got up, wrapping a robe around yourself. You leaned against the doorway while you watched him, perched on the bench, poking at the keys.

"Alone, she sleeps. In the shirt of man," he sang under his breath.

You blinked, staring at him. It had never crossed your mind he'd have such a beautiful voice. It was low and sultry, making your knees buckle.

"With my three wishes clutched in her hand."

He cursed again as he hit a wrong note.

"You need help?"

L looked at you in surprise, his face melting into a relaxed grin.

"I always meant to learn, but I was always so busy with something else. I think I was too scared to learn."

You didn't ask what he meant, sitting next to him.

"Sing it and I'll figure out the keys."

"Alone she sleeps. In the shirt of man. With my three wishes clutched in her hand... the first that she be spared the pain, that comes from a dark and laughing rain."

You played along, listening intently.

"When she finds love, may it always be true. This I beg for the second wish I made too... but wish no more, my life you can take, to have her please just one day wake... to have her please just one day wake... to have her please... just one day wake...."

Your fingers paused as you stared at him. He looked down at the piano with a faraway look.

"Where's that from?" You whispered.

That same wistful smile crossed his lips as he dragged a finger across one of the white keys.

"My mother. She loved the piano so much. And this was her favorite song. It's about lost love... when she died, I just... I couldn't look at a piano."

"It's beautiful," you murmured.

He didn't respond at first. L felt the top of the piano, inhaling slowly. You wanted to reach out, but he just stared at the instrument.

"I don't know what I'd do if you died," he rasped, eyes misting.

Your throat felt tight. Sidling closer to him, you shook your head.

"Where's this coming from? I'm not going to die... I wouldn't leave you like that."

His eyes met yours, the most serious expression you'd ever seen him give.

"What would you do if I died?"

If he... you bit your lip, scanning his eyes.

"It's a good thing we don't have to think about that."

"Y/n..."

"L."

"I'm serious. What would you do?"

You straightened, meeting his eyes. He wouldn't drop this, would he?

"I'd kill Kira however I could. With my bare hands if I had to."

He smiled gently, shaking his head, "you're not a murderer. I suppose it doesn't matter... I have a theory and if I'm right, Light will lose a great advantage. If I play my cards right, we might be able to catch him."

Silence. Your mouth gaped slightly, but all you could do was bob your head. There were so many questions swirling in your brain, but you wanted to stay in this little bubble, here, playing the piano and singing with him. L watched you, touching your wrist tenderly. There was a lump in your throat as he prompted you to continue playing. Nothing had been resolved.

"Alone, she sleeps. In the shirt of man. With my three wishes, clutched in her hand. The first that she--"

* * *

L's perspective

I sought coffee in the break-room. Misa was at one of the tables, applying (and spilling all over the place) nail polish. In the corner of the room, the Shinigami Rem watched me with harsh eyes. I was acutely aware of her gaze as I dropped eight sugar cubes into my cup.

"Rem, can I talk to you?" I asked.

Rem's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she nodded, the two of us leaving the girl to her nails. In the hallway, she was shrouded in shadows, looking much more ominous. A prickle of fear tickled up my neck. But I forced myself to meet her eyes. This was a gamble. I knew it. But if there was the possibility of cutting off Light's access to the Second Kira...

"Why are you always staring at me?"

"Hm?"

"I noticed when there's someone else in the same room as Misa, you watch them... not her. But you never seem interested, just suspicious, which makes me think you're assessing a threat. But who could threaten a god of death? No one. And if Misa was the threat, you'd be watching her... but you're not. You're guarding her... am I wrong?"

I knew I wasn't, and I could feel my ego swelling. Her face darkened... as did my ego. _Oh, shit. Probably in my best interest not to anger a literal death god_. Rem's face flickered, turning to the ground.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

_Liar_. I kept my face neutral. Biting my thumb, I looked at her.

"Fine. _Not_ assuming she's the Second Kira, you do feel something for her?"

She didn't answer. Definitely... if I went after Misa, would this Shinigami kill me? I had to assume so. Y/n raced through my mind. She was in danger too...

"I'll strike you a deal," I said slowly, analyzing her face, "if I let Misa walk out of this building, exclude her from the rest of this investigation, will you go with her?"

Rem hesitated... I held my breath. 

Ryuk's perspective

L couldn't see me, he still hadn't touched my note. A shiver of panic threaded through me. No, no, no... if Rem left... there went my entertainment, her death... my deal with Crin!

The eraser...

I paid good damn apples! All of the gods would be watching! They were expecting a show... My eyes narrowed. I liked L... but he was pushing it... I sighed. He couldn't see me as I leaned into Rem. She glared at me.

"You do see what he's doing, right? The second you step away, he's going to continue investigating Misa. You know how tricky L can be... he'll use the time to concoct a plan to get rid of you and then he'll make sure she's killed... and now that he knows your connection with her, you're running out of time."

Rem straightened, her eyes trained on me intensely, fear sparking. A smile curled up my lips. What I'd said had bothered her. L faltered, staring at her. He could see how her expression had morphed into apprehension. Rem would feel compelled to act... I bowed slightly, bidding the Shinigami adieu as I flew out of the room.

* * *

You were with Watari in the comms room. The elderly man was so sweet in everything he said and did, going so far as to bring a pot and cup of tea while L and the task force worked in the other room. L seemed so pensive, his face scrunched. You didn't know what he'd done, but you could tell he'd made a move. A big one. As long as he pretended everything was normal, you would too. Besides, you liked talking to Watari. The two of you sat, chatting up a storm.

"If you think his hair's unruly now, you should've seen it when he was younger!"

"You're kidding! That's hard to believe!"

He beamed proudly, "his hairstyle now is the result of weeks of work and gel and getting him to actually take care of it... at least a little."

The comms crackled from the other room. The two of you glanced at the monitor. Your eyes widened.

Something was wrong... the air crackled with an iciness that hadn't been there before. L's eyes darkened, fear shooting through his irises.

"Y/n..."

L. He said it so softly... pleadingly... a scream caught in your throat. He was straight, his eyes wide. His hand went to his heart in a mix of wonder and fear as he tipped.

The world moved in slow motion as he fell off his chair, out of sight of the camera, his hair flying behind him.

"Lawliet!" You screamed, slamming your hands on the panel. 

Watari threw himself towards the computer, typing something in. The screen flickered into bright **Data Deletion** warnings. 

"We have to--"

Watari gasped, collapsing. You screamed, backing away from him as he convulsed and writhed, scratching at his chest. Turning, you saw Rem. She looked down at Watari. The death note had fallen out of what was once her hand, now just sand. A tremor took over as she began crumbling, her ashes spreading across the floor. Shaking your head, you ran... L's face running through your head. 

You threw your body into the door, your senses overloaded with red.

The first thing you saw was Light leering over L. Fury shot through your veins as you charged him.

"Get away from him," you snarled, shoving him to the ground.

Light landed hard with a yell, glaring at you as you slid to L's side. Hands trembling, you gently held his face. Your fingers pushed his soft hair away from his features. You couldn't tell if he had a pulse or not. His pupils dilated at he stared at you, his eyes darting around your face. Your lip trembled as you leaned in... his eyes were already becoming unfocused, looking through you instead of at you.

"L," you sobbed, body shaking.

Everything came crashing down in your mind. You felt cold, dead to all your senses. All you could see was L's face. You ripped out an anguished scream, pulling him against you.

Another wail escaped and you couldn't stop it. It surprised you how haunting your own cry sounded. 

"L, please! You can't do this to me!"

As if pleading would help. You bit your lip, waves of pain shaking through you. It was like someone was carving you with a dull knife.

You felt Souichiro's hand on your shoulder, but you shook it off. Cradling L's head against your chest, your body went numb.

"I was supposed to protect you," you whispered into his hair.

* * *

Light's perspective

I'll admit, it was annoying when she threw me to the ground. How dare she push a god? I hadn't even gotten to bask in L's demise. I hadn't gotten the time to ask myself why... why would Rem choose now to kill him? It confused me, but maybe this was just divine destiny, helping me reach my goal... that must be it. What other reason could there possibly be?

I stared at her as she wailed, screaming for L to come back. It was hard not to smile as a little voice sang "_he's not coming back_" in my mind.

I stood, crossing so I was next to my father, standing over her. She'd gone quiet and was shivering. It would be so easy to write her name in my note. Then truly no one would oppose me. They'd all believe me...

But watching her sob... there was something immensely satisfying in that. I lowered myself, meeting her eye. She glared at me with a spitting hatred, a venom that told me exactly how she was dismembering me in her mind. I smirked, and she drew back, her eyes watering. The hatred slowly died down as it sank in he was gone. 

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I'll find the bastard that did this."

For a second, the fire sparked again. But she was in shock, her body trembling. I pulled her into a comforting hug. She stiffened, but didn't try pulling away. No. There was no way I'd kill her. Not when she was this fun.

My eyes fell down to L and I straightened. His eyes were just beginning to close. Could he still see me? Yes, the eyes shifted subtly between me and her even while his lids slid closed. I'd never get an opportunity like this again...

I made it a point that the last thing L saw before his eyes slipped shut was me hugging Y/n, my lips curled in a smile.

"We'll get through this together."


	16. Sick of the game

You stared at the ceiling quietly, still reeling from the funeral. L had only been gone for a week, but it felt much longer. Outside, rain pelted, a constant reminder. While everyone paid their respects to both Watari and L, you sat in the back, unmoving. Light tried to approach you several times, but you gave him a withering look that made him back away.

It was night now. You didn't want to sleep in this building that reminded you so much of him. Tossing, you turned to your side. It was the strangest thing. You couldn't feel anything. That first night you'd felt miserable, but now... you couldn't feel happy, sad... was this better than having a knife twisted through your chest? L's face flashed through your mind, those steely grey eyes, staring at you.

Reaching for a beer, you took a long swig. It burned your throat, and although you'd never liked the taste, it was comforting. At the very least, you could pretend everything was fine. It clouded your mind, made you feel... airy. You let out a shuttered breath, reaching for a new bottle. A drunk giggle escaped. _Holy shit, L would have an aneurism_. His first time drunk had been his last, and he told you straight out that he hated the feeling of not being in control. To a certain extent, you could see where he was coming from. But you didn't want to be in control... you just wanted to repress everything.

There was an eerie silence as a realization dawned on you. Light was still living in the building... your eyes shifted to your nightstand. Pulling open the drawer, your breath hitched. You had a large kitchen knife there in case of an emergency... Even if you were executed for it, you'd die knowing you'd killed Kira.

Your hair hung in messy tangles around your face while you tiptoed. You knew exactly where his apartment was, and could hear the blood rushing through your ears. Misa would be sleeping in the bed with him. She might prove to be a challenge. The knife twitched in your hand. It was fine. She was the Second Kira anyway. She needed to die as much as Light did. Being careful that the door didn't creak loudly, you peered in. Misa was snuggled against him, her face set in a pristine smile. 

The knife trembled as you stepped forward. You didn't get far before Misa's eyes fluttered open and a bloodcurdling scream ripped from her throat.

Light was up in an instant, staring at you. You glared at him, holding up the knife.

"I know you're Kira," you growled, "I'm sick of this game."

He scanned your face critically. His features relaxed into a smug expression. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

With a cry, you swung your blade in his direction. He yelped, just managing to dodge it. Misa grabbed the phone, dialing for help.

You charged her, but Light tripped you, sending you sprawling across the floor. He went to pin you, but you shrieked, twisting and plunging the knife into his gut. Your eyes widened... your mind being sent into a shock.

Light's eyes popped in surprise as he stared down at you. Misa wailed, too scared to move as she watched Light cough blood. The blood splattered on your face, but you didn't care... The door swung open and the task force stood, frozen in place. Light trembled, turning his neck pleadingly.

"Dad," he croaked, "help...me."

That snapped them out of their stupor. Aizawa and Matsuda rushed forward, grabbing hold of you. All you could see was red as you fought, yelling your head off. Souichiro, Mogi and Ide ran to Light, who had slumped to the floor. They supported him, carrying him towards the infirmary. All you could think about was killing him. Baring your teeth, you sank them into Aizawa's arm. He cried out, letting go. It was easy to slam your elbow into Matsuda's face, earning you a _crunch_ and a pained sound as he reeled back.

Viciously, you tore towards Light, scooping your knife. He looked at you, supported on his father's shoulders... his eyes wide with raw, genuine terror.

Swinging the knife high, a gunshot made you stop. It didn't hurt at first... but you looked down to see your own blood seeping out of your abdomen. You stumbled, the knife slipping from your grasp. You were barely aware of Aizawa catching you as the world spun into darkness.

Ryuk's perspective

"Ooh, that look like it hurt," Crin chuckled, perched on Yagami's dresser, pointing at Light.

I nodded, my own cackle rising up my chest. The teen was gripping at his gut, his face twisted in pain.

"I'll tell you, those numbers were flickering for a second."

Crin nodded absentmindedly, watching as the humans dragged Y/n out. I followed his gaze. She was passed out, her shirt sticking to her skin from the blood.

Light lost consciousness, being held by his father and was carried out hurriedly, Ide running to call an ambulance. Crin straightened, turning his beady eyes on me. Ugh. I always hated those eyes. Whatever. He was good for getting what I wanted. His lips twitched.

"It still won't be ready for a while," he hissed. His eyes widened in excitement, "give it to her!"

I blinked, watching him incredulously. Stupid Shinigami! Didn't he know anything about entertainment?

"But we know how she'll use it!" I protested with a slight whine, stomping my foot, "it's no fun if we can predict what will happen!"

Crin's expression went giddy as he leapt into the middle of the room, dragging a claw through a new bloodstain on the carpet.

"The first time. After that, it's anyone's guess... If this has shone anything," his eyes glinted, "she's a _wildcard_! That's what your game has been missing, Ryuk! You had Justice vs Justice, but not a wildcard that could weave between the two sides. Those are my conditions. You give the eraser to her," his eyes narrowed dangerously, "or I'll do it myself."

"You find her intriguing," I realized, straightening.

What was up with these Shinigami falling for humans? It never ended well... Crin's gaze faltered as he shook his head in denial.

"I'm just curious how far she's willing to go to take Kira down."

* * *

When you woke, you were strapped to a hospital bed, the binds tight. Your head pounded, a dull pain making you groan. You blinked, trying to clear your mind. There was sunlight... that much you could tell... and a figure. Moaning, you twisted your neck to see Light sitting beside you, watching you intently. Instantly awake, you shuttled in the binds, your eyes narrowing spitefully. Now that you were restrained, he didn't show any fear, even testing his same smug smile.

"You should really be more careful not to drive your friends away. After all, there's always a possibility Kira has your name."

You stopped, your skin going cold. He loved this reaction, his amber eyes glowing as he leaned forward. You opened your mouth to reply, but his hand snapped out, wrapping around the soft part of your throat. Fear raced through your brain as you gazed into his serpentine eyes... uncaring and uninterested. A shiver passed through your body. He added a little pressure, making it harder to breathe. His outline went fuzzy.

"I suggest you take more care with your life," he rumbled.

He let go and you gasped, sucking in sweet gulps of air. Light continued as if it had never happened.

"You see, I got to thinking. You're probably the only person alive who loved Lawliet and who he loved as well."

A tremor took over your body. Just hearing his name out of Light's mouth was enough to send your chest crushing with rage. 

"So by that definition, shouldn't you be doing everything in your power to stay alive? Imagine how L would feel if he knew how willing you were to die."

His voice was so sweet, like honey. Tears stung the back of your eyes. You'd asked yourself those same questions. But... no, L would understand... wouldn't he? You shook your head quickly. You were getting confused... you were allowing him to confuse you.

"Someday I'll see you die," you hissed reverently.

Light's eyes hardened. The gaze was enough to make you shrink back.

"Is that anyway to talk to your best friend? You don't want to be all alone, sad and thrown away... do you?"

The thought of being alone... it made you want to die. But flames licked up your mind. You spat in his face, and he stiffened, glaring at you. His threat replayed in your mind, and you mumbled a slight apology. Moving away, Light wiped it off, his brow quirking.

"You should be pleased to know none of us are pressing charges. And you broke Matsuda's nose _very_ badly."

Guilt ripped through you mind. Matsuda had always been kind to you... and how had you repaid that? Your eyes met his.

"Okay, so you didn't press charges... what do you want from me?" You rasped.

He got close to you, twirling a lock of your hair. You narrowed your eyes, hate filling your chest. 

"I want an ally... someone who I know I can count on and who can help get the job done," he purred.

You snorted, snickering wryly.

"I'll never follow Kira. He's not the law... or a god."

Light paused, his lips curling. You met his eyes challengingly. His face fell in mock sympathy. 

"I'm sorry you weren't _strong_ enough to protect him," he whispered.

And like that, he was gone, leaving you shaking. You curled up as best you could, not caring when the straps bit into your skin. Not strong enough... His words were spreading through your mind like a poison. You shriveled, a sob racking your body. Why did you feel so guilty? Academically, you knew you didn't do anything wrong... but the words kept repeating like a broken record. _I'm so sorry, L_... 


	17. Poison

"Don't."

He snorted, retracting his hand as he returned to his food. Lately, he'd been getting rather handsy, brushing your wrist, wrapping an arm around you, tapping the top of your head. This was the most blatant attempt though. You'd been lost in thought and he had tried brushing his finger down your _ear_.

He shrugged to your deadly glare. 

"You're the lonely one, here, not me."

You sighed warily, trying to block out his voice. It was true, though. You'd pushed everyone away... anyone who could've helped you. Somehow, you'd managed to build a wall in your mind. There wasn't much you could count on, but you knew it was sturdy, filtering your emotions...

You'd slowly been moving away from food, surviving on smaller sweets like lollipops. He liked to pretend he cared, visiting with fresh ingredients to cook the two of you a meal. The task force refused to let him go alone, fearing you'd try to hurt him. So they insisted at least one of them accompany Light whenever he visited.

Aizawa was in the other room, writing emails. As long as he didn't hear someone being killed, he didn't really interact. You sighed, not really caring what he did. You didn't feel anything... you didn't _want_ to feel anything. 

The clock chimed. Midnight. Had it been that long already? No doubt Aizawa was getting anxious to return to his family. You winced... the realization making your gut twist.

It was officially the 5th anniversary of L's death. 

You needed a sugar fix... the pain was already starting to pound your head. Memories of his face, his voice, every anniversary, always haunting you. The soft feeling of his teeth on your neck, his tongue gentle. Those large, owlish eyes meeting yours... You sagged. They happened spontaneously, random thoughts and memories surfacing at the worst of times. Standing, you made your way to the pantry, cursing when you couldn't find your jar of lollipops. 

"Looking for these?"

He held them up, cocking his head. _Shit_. When did he get a hold of them?

"Please..."

"Please, what?" He quipped.

You met his eyes, trying to keep your own from misting. 

"Please..." the word felt bitter on your tongue, "Kami."

He smirked, handing you the jar. You rummaged through, taking out your favorite flavor. The sugar hit your tongue like a drug. You sighed, your fingers twitching nervously. Pushing past Light, you curled up on your seat, behind your plate. He came over, watching you curiously. 

Light blinked innocently, being so bold as to fiddle with a strand of your hair. Your glare lowered.

"I'm not hungry," you murmured.

He nodded slightly, reaching for your dinner. He brushed your fingers and you finally met his eyes.

"You do realize I'm not going to fuck you... right?"

"Of course not," he rumbled playfully, taking your uneaten dish and bringing it to the sink, "I wouldn't dream of sleeping with a grieving woman."

He came back to take the wine glasses, leaning into your ear, "I'm just waiting for you to finally get over that freak."

* * *

Aizawa's perspective

_Crash_.

Light's pained yell.

"Say that about him one more time!"

I burst into the kitchen. Y/n had smashed a plate against the side of Light's head. There was a trickle of blood from his temple. He was struggling to keep her at arm's length while she tried clawing at his face.

"Say it one more time! I goddamn _dare_ you," she shrieked. 

Looking between the two of them, I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her back. But she was constantly fighting, screaming obscenities. Light was breathing heavily.

"Thanks, Aizawa! I don't know what happened! She just went craz--"

"Oh, shut up Light, what did you say to her?"

He stood, stunned. Even Y/n had stopped struggling and was staring at me in shock. I sucked in a breath. This kid... he was so freaking entitled, so spoiled. He straightened, scowling indignantly.

"Excuse me? She attacked _me_..."

"Oh, for God's sake, she hit you over the head with a plate... I'm willing to bet you said something _real_ shitty."

He stammered, his eyes wide.

"But I--"

"Light, it's too late for this crap! Go to the car," he was frozen in place until I stomped my foot, "_now_!"

Your perspective

Light stuttered, looking like a deer in headlights. His face settled in a terrifying conviction, pushing past Aizawa. You let out a shuddered breath, allowing yourself to go heavy in his grip. After a few seconds, Aizawa gently led you to the table. He smiled kindly and you felt your throat closing. It was genuine kindness, not the tip-toe politeness the rest of the team had.

"Are you okay?" He whispered.

You nodded in a daze, pulling your knees up below your chin. His eyes softened.

"Do you want me to stay? I can call him a cab."

Slowly, you shook your head. Light's words pounded through your head, the poison always there.

Warning about how much of a burden you were to others. Was it true? Were you just burdening Aizawa? Your mouth felt dry... You went quiet, staring at the table. He seemed hesitant to leave, but nodded, stopping in the doorway. Aizawa opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, the words seeming stuck. You turned your face up to him, not sure how you looked in his eyes.

"Thank you," you mumbled.

He blinked, giving a more reassured and reassuring nod.

Once he left, you fished out your laptop. In truth, working on the investigation was the only thing keeping you sane. It was impossible to get to the same place L had. Watari had deleted the information and all you had was your crappy machine.

Hours passed, daylight faded in, the night chased away. You stood, slumping to the bathroom. You paused in front of the mirror. It had been weeks since you'd last seen yourself. Your hair was so matted you'd probably have to cut it. Dark bags had formed under your eyes and your skin was pale from a lack of sun. If you didn't know better, you'd say you looked like... a lump formed in your throat.

* * *

The ceremony was **5 years in remembrance of L**... It would be the first time you'd gone out in a long time...

The black dress felt too familiar by now. You didn't even think when slipping it on. All you felt was cold. Cold and numb.

Oh, yes. The ceremony was lovely. There was a wreath of flowers with L's picture and the task force in their best suits. Light grinned at you, sending your stomach turning. The task force bowed slightly when you passed, but you ignored them. Standing on the podium, you cleared your throat.

"L was a genius. That goes without saying. But in the end, his genius didn't save him... that's life."

You should've prepared more... everyone expected some beautiful ode to L Lawliet... but you couldn't. The wall in your mind was so carefully constructed. One misplaced word and it would all come crashing down.

No one said anything. You stalked off the stage, your legs jelly. While the others talked animatedly, you hid yourself in the old monitoring room, the one you witnessed Watari die in... You slowly sat in the chair, sadness rising up your mind. The wall in your mind cracked threateningly, but you didn't let it. You could still hear L calling your name softly.

"Lawliet," you squeaked, your voice a high pitch.

You hadn't said that name since the funeral. Your bottom lip trembled, tears prickling your eyes as you pitched forward.

A part of you knew it was unhealthy, but you refused to cry. You wiped them away aggressively, the wiping becoming harsh swiping, clawing at your face and hair. One of your earrings disconnected, rolling across the floor. It went under a large, heavy cabinet.

You sighed, your hand reaching under. At first, you couldn't find it, so you slid in your arm deeper. The area hadn't been cleaned since Watari's death, so you felt cobwebs and heavy dust bunnies. Your fingers found something. Brows furrowed, you slowly slid it out. It was a small slip of paper. You turned it over in your hand curiously.

"Finally. You found it! I thought I'd have to give it to you myself," a voice chuckled.

You whirled around, a scream catching in your throat.

It was another Shinigami.

It had to be!

This one looked nothing like Rem, with spiked black hair and pale blue skin. He watched you in interest with large, cold eyes. Your heart pounded wildly as you struggled to scramble away. The first thought that ran through your head was that he was here to kill you! Hyperventilation took over as you slid, your back hitting the cabinet. He bent down, laughing.

"Whoa, you spook easy."

"Get the fuck away from me!" You screeched, hand slapping at the ground for a weapon.

You couldn't think clearly, panic clouding your vision. He held up his hands, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Easy, easy! I just want to talk!"

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say!" You quivered, your body trembling.

"Hyuk, hyuk. If that's your final answer," he sneered, "but I have a feeling you'll like what you hear."

Pausing, you struggled to catch your breath. You stared at the Shinigami, your heart reducing to a relatively normal beat. Straightening, you met the Shinigami's eyes. He seemed impressed by this.

"When Kira first picked up the note-"

"Just call him Light," you growled, "I have a feeling you won't exactly testify in court anyway."

He was quiet for a few seconds, but conceded.

"Very well. I dropped the note because I was bored and he picked it up because he was bored."

The hairs on the back of your neck bristled. _Bored_? You'd gone through five years of Hell because he was **_bored_**? L had...It took all you had not to snarl as he continued.

"While these years have been _quite_ entertaining," he gave you a wry grin, "I'm ready for something new. A wrench in the machine... my associate seems to think you're that wrench."

Your brow quirked as you glared at him. There were so many things you wanted to retort. He bent down so he was at eye-level with you. You saw your reflection in his eyes, washed red.

"Fun fact," he drawled, holding out a hand, "Shinigami remains can do much more than just be dust."

You looked in the palm of his outstretched claws. What you could only assume to be Rem's ashes had been condensed and solidified into a small rectangle. What the f- the hairs on your body stood on-end. No... no way... your hand shook.

You met the Shinigami's eyes, seeing your own desperate, pleading ones staring back. He let out a twisted grin.

"You want Light to die?" You whispered.

He sat back on his haunches, cackling.

"He's alleviated my boredom, but I don't _care_ about him. I just want the cat and mouse back. I want _fun_... what do you say, Y/n?"

Your lip trembled. No, you-you needed to hear him say it. Confirm it. He caught on to your silent question, pressing the object gently into your hand.

"It has no official name. The practice of using a Shinigami's remains is _technically_ banned, but what the Hell, hm? I suppose you can call it a death-eraser."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh-boy-o. This and L's death chapter are probably the most heavily edited and rewritten of all the chapters. For this one, first it was WAY too dark and then I felt I had completely de-fanged the story and then I added a terrible story element and then I considered just deleting it and shifting any necessary information to the next chapter but I WANTED a time-skip so I had to change some stuff again...
> 
> This is my long-winded way of asking how I did? I always feel like time-skips aren't my forte. If you have any suggestions or critiques for the writing in this or later chapters, I'm all ears!


	18. Long time, no see

You paced back and forth, chewing on your nails. The instructions were simple, uncover the body and erase the name.

"Doesn't this interfere with some sort of natural order?"

Ryuk yawned lazily.

"All humans are born from and go back to Mu. If he comes back, someday he'll return. Now if you were making him _immortal_, that would incur some serious wrath, but as it stands," he shrugged helplessly.

As soon as he had come, he had left, leaving you a shivering mess. You had to get home, you had to... ugh, your brain felt bogged. Like it might explode at any time. Your breath caught. You needed the note... you needed his page. Your eyes flickered to the door. This little ceremony the task force was having would last well until about 10 pm. Apparently they were going to have a meal together and reminisce as a sort of second wake. You glanced at the the clock. It was almost seven... your mind raced. 

Moving to the computers in the room, you sifted through the files, pulled up photocopies the task force had taken. There. L's page... a plan began forming in your mind. You leaned against the desk, your gaze hardening as you printed it. 

You excused yourself, saying how you didn't feel well. They all nodded understandingly. Light tilted his head, looked like he might follow you, but Aizawa stepped subtly towards him, drawing his attention away.

* * *

Damn.

You'd never had to pick a lock before. You cursed, shaking your head. It shouldn't be so freaking hard... there! It clicked open and you stepped into Light's apartment. It was dark, setting an creepy vibe over your mind. Stepping forward cautiously, you checked to make sure you didn't trigger any alarm systems or hidden cameras. No... you were good. Okay... you were in. All you had to do was find the note. 

You took the opportunity to ruffle through his drawers and desks, your pulse racing. Ok, ok. You knew him... you just had to think like him. Where would he hide the note? It was probably rigged with some kind of explosive in case someone looked for it. He was paranoid like that.

A desk would be the perfect location. There were so many different types of compartments the two of you made as kids. Surely old habits die hard. Your hand passed under all the desks, finding a hole. Wait a minute... You searched the top of the desk, your eyes falling on a pen. He wouldn't... you unscrewed it, your heart soaring. Yes... the key! The compartment clicked and you carefully lifted it, gazing inside at the note. 

Your heart pounded loudly in your ears. You flipped through the note, finding the page with L's name. There were no names on any of the other pages... Light was probably using the other note for the killings and using this one as a safety net against investigators.

Cutting it out would have to be strategic. Sweat beaded your brow as your carefully tore it, being sure to leave scraps attached to the spine. You took out the photocopy and slowly ripped out a note page from the end of the book. From your pocket, you whipped out glue. You swiped it first against the scraps, pressing the new pages against that. Then you glued up along the edges of the new sheets, taking care to make it look like one piece of paper. As if it hadn't been moved at all. 

Even if Light decided to use this note for killing, you were sure he wouldn't use L's page. It was the ultimate victory... a trophy... as for the page from the back, you also couldn't see him ever just randomly flipping to the back of the book. There wouldn't be a point. Besides, the note's pages were never-ending. 

The door was starting to open just as you'd closed the contraption and stuffed the page in your bra. Gasping, you ducked, pressing yourself around a corner.

Light strode in, yawning loudly. Ryuk was talking animatedly, cackling every once in a while. When Light spoke, he sounded irritated.

"Why don't you go bother someone else?" He growled.

"Oh, upset your date didn't go as planned?" Ryuk snickered. 

Light laughed. It was a sound that made your blood freeze, the hairs on your body standing straight.

"I think it went swimmingly," he purred, "the emotional conditioning's _working_. Sure, it's got a ways to go, but it's all about demand and reward. I even have her calling me Kami in certain situations! I call that progress."

You felt sick. Your eyes went to the wall in front of you, his voice far away. A part of you knew that as more time went by, you were losing more and more pieces of yourself. But hearing him talk... you looked at yourself for the first time. How much of you was left? Were you a shell? No... you didn't feel like a shell... your heart pounded so loudly, you were sure he'd hear. Demand and reward... like a dog... you quivered, a mix of hurt, anger and sadness battling in your mind. Ryuk made a noise of interest, munching on his apple.

"Why are you spending so much time on one woman anyway? So many throw themselves at you," he wondered aloud.

For the first time, Light was quiet. 

"We have history."

"And?" Ryuk chuckled.

You pressed against the wall, your gut twisted in knots. It felt like forever before Light sighed, his voice sounding more reverent... jealous.

"L had her," he said so softly you almost missed it, "L had her... and I want to be able to _spit_ on his grave. It's a cosmic joke, an _irony_... the idea that I can be with any woman I want... but the one I end up getting is the only one he's ever wanted. I don't know what Mu is like, but I hope he can see her slowly disappearing and feel helpless."

Silence.

You slid on the wall, you knees threatening to give out. It was so much to take in, so painful... your breathing felt heavy. Everything was spinning dangerously, the fear choking you. 

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Light-o. But that's not quite how Mu works."

Not how it works. You shuddered while Light snorted disappointedly. But the momentary relief didn't last for long.

Light was moving around, his feet shuffling in the carpet. He stepped closer. You shook, pushing into the wall. It took so much willpower not to whimper, not to let the fear consume you. The thought of him finding you made your heart stop. Light paused, cursing.

"Damn, I left it in the car."

You exhaled slowly as he left. 

Not wasting any time, you peered down both directions of the hall, scampering towards the stairs. Your palms were sweaty as you practically threw yourself down the stairwell. Pausing at the door, you gazed out the little window. Light had fetched a shopping bag and was just starting to come back into the building. You waited until he was out of sight, probably in the elevator, before slipping out into the night.

* * *

You didn't stop until you reached your house. And even then, you were a constant flurry of movement. There was a checklist in your head, everything you needed. Leaning against the wall, you tried to steady your breathing. You weren't used to this, your gut was hurting and general dehydration was making you woozy. 

Shovel, pick-axe, crowbar, duffel-bag. You jogged to the laundry room, grunting as you pulled down an old box filled with L's clothes. Would he be in his funeral suit? Possibly... No doubt he'd want to get out of his suit as quickly as possible. You held the fabric in your hand, running your fingers through the softness. This time, you invited the memories with open arms. The way it felt when he hugged you, small and soft, always gingerly as if he was scared one wrong move would send you running. A smile crossed your features as you hugged the shirt tightly.

It felt good to smile. 

You paused, an unexpected feeling of giddiness passing through you. The feeling was so unexpected and had become so foreign that you actually had to support yourself against the washing machine, giggling lightly. Tears threatened to roll down your cheeks but you weren't sure if they were happy or nostalgic.

You gasped, forcing yourself back on task. Water, who knew if he'd be thirsty? Food! You threw open your fridge, wincing. It was empty. No matter. 

A myriad of emotions passed through you as you stared at the quiet house. It was dark, and had always made you feel small... you tilted your neck back... just allowing hope to flutter through your chest. You stumbled, grunting as you struggled to hold the duffel with all the tools.

It had taken all night to dig up L's grave.

By the time you were ready, it was almost five in the morning, but still pitch dark.

You stared at the casket. Even five years later, it seemed so pristine, so professional. You hands were shaking violently as you opened the lid, quickly adverting your gaze. You couldn't bring yourself to look at his body. It took 8-12 years for a body to turn into a skeleton. Thoughts of what he looked like, his skin rotting... No. You couldn't see L as that... even if this didn't work... you refused to see him as just a corpse... you held up the note's page.

_L Lawliet_. 

Heart pounding, you slid the eraser across L's name, taking care to thoroughly erase.

For a few seconds, the cemetery was silent. A gentle breeze kicked up, kissing your neck. You blinked, touching the spot consciously, L's lips in your brain.

"Long time, no see," You whispered, closing your eyes.

The wind passed over your features, twisting around your waist and playfully nuzzling your neck, but then it died down. Blinking, you heart seized. Everything was eerily quiet, a suffocating stillness in the air. Your heart tugged painfully as you stuffed the eraser in your pocket... but then you heard a gasp.

Your mouth fell open as L shot to a sitting position, his eyes restored and wide, looking around frantically. Confusion swept his face. That face. Soft ivory skin, steely grey eyes that could be both cold and warm... He looked at his hand in wonder, tracing the lines of his palms. L tested his fingers, extending and bending them with an awed expression. He slowly pushed them through his messy hair, twirling and pulling at the strands. A laugh escaped your throat. Oh, God, that hair. You could definitely remember its featheriness. 

Against your will, you fell to your knees, your entire being trembling.

L's chest moved up and down and he poked at it as if it was a strange sensation. He ran those long fingers all over his body, his eyes darting uncertainly. He cocked his head and wrinkled his nose, pulling at the restrictive suit. Oh, yeah. He hated it.

"L?" You croaked.

L's eyes snapped in your direction. He watched you curiously, his gaze intense as he pulled his knees below his chin. Suspicion played in those irises, his head tilting forward and squinting. He still didn't say anything, his stare guarded. You sat back, trapped in his hypnotic orbs. L's brow scrunched as if he recognized your face but was trying to place it. 

Fear gnawed up your mind. What if he didn't remember you? What if you came all this way, and you were just a stranger? Your mouth opened, unable to make any noises...

A serenely gentle smile crossed his face, recognition flickering.

And the wall in your mind that you'd spent years building simply broke. 


	19. Reunited

Was I sleeping? It felt like it... no, I was coming back to life. I expected myself to be terrified, thrown into a state of confusion. But... I wasn't... I'd already been alive, this was all familiar to me. My lungs? Always there, a feeling I never even realized I'd missed. My heart? An old friend. As I settled into my body, my mind tried to grasp memories. They were all swirling, the edges fuzzy.

Laughing and a woman's face. The sun filtering through her h/c hair, her wide smile as I pushed her under the covers. So many moments of the past, rushing forward. Ice cream, expensive coffee, moans and her hand running through my hair. The beautiful way her fingers curved when she played the piano and she got that faraway look listening to any music. 

It was so much to think about, so much to sift through. Fear ran through my body.

_"I don't want you to be afraid. Not around me_."

Y/n.

That was her name.

I was in a fetal position, surrounded by soft, white walls. Above me, the sky was dark, the only source of light being the moon. I let out a silent cough, my lungs squeezing uncomfortably, as if testing their limits. My hand slid to my chest.

_Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom_.

Would I have to listen to that for the rest of my life? I'd gotten used to silence... uninterrupted, unbending silence... in life, nothing is ever silent. There's always either the hum of machinery, wind against the ear, or simply the sound of one's own body... pulsing and beating... True silence had a boom of its own, promising the unknown and mysterious. I tilted my head, trying to decide whether or not I liked the rhythm of my heart... yes... It was rather nice... it was quick, just like life.

My body kicked me, as if just realizing it could move. I gasped, shooting into a sitting position. My heart and lungs worked furiously, reveling in their revival, screaming in joy that they were working. Wait! I still wasn't done exploring my new body! I ran my fingers over everything, my face and these... uncomfortable clothes... getting acquainted with every dip and goosebump. This was me. Real flesh and a brain of my own, not just my existence seeping and spreading out. This was me condensed and alive. Holy shit. 

"L?" 

There was a woman staring at me, her eyes wide. In the darkness, I squinted. Who was she? 

Was that her? I looked down at her, my heart faltering. She looked... terrible... her soft skin was sallow and taut. She'd lost so much weight that at first I didn't know if it was her. Y/n looked exhausted, matted, depressed, her eyes were hollow... but it was still her... different emotions flooded my chest.

I gave her a small smile.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She tried speaking, but it sounded strained, her teeth clattering.

"Oh, my God," she whimpered, hands going to her face, "how are you... how are you feeling?"

Feeling? I was rested, not hungry or craving sweets. Even though it was night, it shocked me how many colors there were, in the world, on her. It was stunning.

"I'm okay... what about you?"

My throat burned from the simple words, my vocal cords straining. It was so strange hearing my voice again. She stared, as if the question caught her off guard.

Without warning, she sobbed, hanging her head. Heaving in gulps of air, she wrapped her arms around herself. She shrank but her crying grew in intensity. I gaped, staring in disbelief. As quickly as my body would allow, I swung myself out of the casket, enveloping her. She smelled sweet, like candy. Now in my arms, she was tiny, almost disappearing in my grip.

Y/n collapsed into me, becoming limp in my arms. 

"I'm sorry," she choked, shaking her head, "I couldn't protect you. I couldn't solve the Kira case. I couldn't do anything..."

How long had it been? What happened? How did she bring me back? I didn't ask, opting to just tighten my grip. She hyperventilated, her entire body shaking violently. My mind was still spinning as I felt a swell of emotions. She shuddered, shaking her head.

"Hey, hey," I whispered, stroking her hair, "it's okay, it's okay."

She shook her head again, her tears staining my shirt.

"It's not," she whispered, hugging me, "I gave up. My entire life... I didn't care anymore. I was just so done. I'm so sorry. I'm worthless," the last part was a squeak.

I looked down at her, my heart twisting.

"Whoa... why would you ever think that?"

Y/n didn't answer.

She scratched at her throat. Could she breathe? She coughed, panic making her face red. Slowly, I held her hand. It was cold. I pressed my lips against her temple. Her skin was still soft, still made my heart tug. She gasped, her breathing coming easier. But the tears kept coming, dripping down her cheeks. Cupping her face in my hands, my finger brushed under her eye, feeling the wetness. Y/n shuddered, her shaking devolving into slight tremors.

"Where did that come from," I asked, running my fingers along her jaw.

She was still so beautiful... Her eyes went distant.

"I've always been worthless... and a burden. Never strong enough," She whimpered.

I ran my fingers through Y/n's knotted hair. When I was little, I remembered Watari combing my hair when I had a panic attack. Something made my heart squeeze when I realized it was working for her too. She was calming down, leaning into my touch. Why... I pulled her closer, trying to stop her shaking.

"How could you think that? What happened?" I croaked.

She nodded, holding my shoulder as if to make sure I was real. Y/n tried speaking, but it came out a gurgled babble, her mouth unable to form words. She cursed, scratching at her head. I gently held her wrists, bringing her eyes to look at me. Her lip quivered.

"You've been gone for five years. Rem wrote your name in her note and she died... After you died, Light became the new L and right now leads the task force. For a few months, I thought he'd kill me... no one was stopping him now. I realized I was the last member who suspected him, so I pretended that I lost all hope, left the investigation, and shut myself in my house. But... I did lose hope... In my mind, I thought it was all pretend, that I was playing him...but it was real. I was hiding from the world. And he. He knew it," her voice trailed off and that's when I knew.

Light. What did he say to her? Anger surged through my veins, but I forced myself to listen.

"For years, I worked the case by myself in my house, telling myself it's what you'd want... for me to avenge you... I'm so sorry. I failed."

Her face twisted and I thought she'd break down again. But she drew in a shaky breath. 

"Ryuk gave me an eraser."

It was all so much... my brain felt like it might explode. Finally, she held it out, a little white eraser with shavings on its end. I took it in a daze, my mind swimming. There was so much to address, so much time I'd missed...One thing at a time... I pressed her against my chest, feeling her now-steady breathing. 

"He's one of the monsters," I said quietly, to myself.

She looked up at me in confusion. I cleared my throat.

"There are different monsters in this world. Light's a lying monster, one who poses as human even though they have no understanding of the human heart. A monster that tells nothing but lies."

I remembered giving my speech to the children of Wammy's House. I'd meant every word I said... remembered the fear I used to have for these monsters. Y/n sniffed, sitting up. My hands ghosted over her face. Her eyes shut as she felt my fingers pass over her features. Huh. I never even realized I'd missed this... her eyes opened slowly.

"I tired to murder him... I'm a monster." 

Her eyes welled. A cry escaped her throat. My new heart cracked threateningly. How badly had she spiraled? Murder? My mouth popped open in surprise. Memories flooded by senses, torturing prisoners, the way my stomach would twist and they'd haunt my dreams... No, she wasn't a murderer. I refused to let her get to that point. 

Having gotten over the meltdown and adrenaline, she looked absolutely exhausted, swaying dangerously.

"Y/n, when was the last time you slept?"

She glanced at the sky, slowly lighting up with a new day.

"This would be... day number 3," she sighed......

Jesus, 3 days? Tiredness took over, but you stubbornly rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. You needed to dump all the soil back in the now empty grave. But you were so spent...

You hadn't been able to stop it. After so much had happened over the few days. Fighting with Light, the ceremony, getting the eraser. So much anger, fear, sadness, joy, it was weighing your mind. It felt like you were drowning in it, unable to reach the surface. You looked at him, your heart banging against your ribcage. There were so many things you wanted to say, things he needed to know and you needed to hear. But it was so hard trying to talk.

"I..." You tried to find words, "I--"

L traced his fingers down the back of your neck, lightly going over your spine. You closed your eyes, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. The fingers tenderly moved your locks, exposing your skin to the air. It was nice, cooling your heated nerves. L leaned in, his lips touching the side of your face.

"I understand," he rumbled, massaging your scalp comfortingly.

* * *

You hadn't even realized you'd fallen asleep until you woke up in your house. What time was it? You twisted, looking at the clock. You'd slept the entire day... it was about 6 in the afternoon... you gasped, rising, looking around your bedroom. Was it all a dream? _No, no, please no_. Fear shivered up your spine as you hugged the pillow against your chest, heart pounding.

There was a smell in the air. Something was burning.

"Bloody _Hell_. Pain in the arse chicken fetuses," L growled from the kitchen.

Wrapping a blanket around yourself, you stepped out to the hall, standing in the kitchen's doorway. L's back to you, but he was still letting out a string of curses, trying to salvage what appeared to be an attempt at sunny-side-up eggs. With a resigned sigh, he dumped them into the garbage. A small smile worked its way up your features.

"That's one name for them," you chuckled.

He whirled around, shrinking. Grinning apologetically, he began rummaging through your fridge. As he did, your brow rose. How had he managed to find your house. What happened to the grave? Before you could ask, he quickly shut the fridge's door. 

"Sorry. There's not much else, and I-I don't know. I think I had this image of breakfast in bed and something romantic but dear_ God_. I've never had to cook before. If it wasn't the orphanage, it was the personal chef," he pouted, scratching the back of his head nervously, "of course that's not to say I'm completely hopeless, I just--"

You blinked, staring at him. Was he rambling? It was hard to hide your smile as you pulled him into a hug. He froze, too stunned to return it. You held him out, your arms still wrapped around his waist. L's eyes softened and a giggle rose up your stomach. He pulled you in for a kiss, his lips soft and warm, making your stomach jump and writhe. His tongue slid out and you moaned into his mouth. 

"We have to catch up," you murmured, "Come on. I'll order us a pizza."


	20. A Beautiful Bubble

There were so many questions on both ends, it somehow turned into a game. What had started as a serious endeavor soon fell into talking about the crazy things that had happened over the past five years, and you were fine with it. You knew it couldn't last forever, but it felt nice in this little bubble, alone in the world with L. Now he was holding your smartphone, his eyes wide with awe.

"I don't believe you!"

"It's true."

"But it's so small! A computer, phone and iPod all rolled into one? And it has a _touchscreen_?" He gasped, eyes bugging.

You laughed, nodding as you shoved a bite of pizza into your mouth. He was still staring at the phone in wonder. Leaning against your arms, you sighed.

"It came out 2007... pretty cool, huh?"

L was examining the device in interest. He hugged it dramatically, sighing reverently. You chuckled lightly as you crossed your arms.

"Okay, my turn... how in the ever-loving fuck did you find my house?"

He paused, slowly putting the phone down.

"To be fair, I didn't know you were still living here, but I didn't know where else to go. You said it yourself a long time ago... I did a thorough background check before you came to live in the building... this was your childhood home... it's nice."

You blanched, your cheeks reddening. Once everything had gone to shit, you just wanted something familiar... so you bought the home with the inheritance L had left you. Folding your arms, you gave a small smile.

"That brain of yours doesn't miss a thing, does it?"

He beamed proudly, pizza cheese hanging out of his mouth. L rubbed his chin, watching you thoughtfully.

"My turn," he said much more seriously.

You tilted your head curiously. He pulled his knees tighter, an action you'd quickly learned was his anxiety. Drumming your fingers nervously, you waited for his question.

"I don't want to pry," he mumbled, eyes flickering to the table, "it's just... I... what... how has Light treated you?"

The bubble threatened to pop. There was an iciness in the air. He gave you a sideways glance, wincing. Unconsciously, your hand went to your throat, stroking the soft part, remembering that day in the hospital, your eyes going distant. Over time, you did the action out of habit whenever you were scared. Light had caught on quickly, using it just to make you more and more afraid. It wasn't lost on L either and his eyes sparked in a silent fury. You saw his body shaking. Swallowing the bile in your throat, you forced a smile.

"Oh, you know. He's an asshole, but it's fine. I'm fine."

L stared at you, obviously not believing it for a second. You were shocked when you saw a flicker of hurt in his irises. He adverted his gaze, chewing on his thumb.

"You don't have to tell me anything, it's ok. Just, please. If you're not fine, don't say you are. Please..."

Your mouth gaped as you nodded slowly, your throat dry. 

"I don't want to go into detail. These past five years have been the worst in my life, and a lot of it was because of Light. I think the worst part is, I could've dealt with my grief in a healthy way, but he didn't let me... he took that away from me and enjoyed watching me go crazy. Okay? Can you drop this now?"

He was quiet. His stare went to the paper plates as he began collecting them. 

"Tea?" He asked gently.

"Sure. Thank you."

When you didn't hear water for the tea running, you crept to the doorway. He was leaning against the sink, breathing heavily. His fingers were clenching and unclenching the counter's edge and he swayed. Biting your lip, you walked up to him, running your hands up his tense shoulders. L slowly turned to face you, his eyes guilty and regretful.

"It's my fault. If I hadn't made such a gamble with Rem--"

"Oh? You picked up the note? You became the worst mass-murderer to ever exist? Hm, and here I was thinking it was all Light's fault. And I thought I knew you."

He gave a wry smile at your comments. You sighed. A strange peace settled over you, a feeling of acceptance you never would've expected. He was here now, alive and in your kitchen, grey eyes wide. For now, the bubble was still intact. 

"L, this can go one of two ways. Either we sit here and feel like crap about the past..." you dragged your fingers down his chest, earning you his sharp breath, "_or_ we can make up for lost time... and realize that the time we have left is precious," Your voice lowered an octave the further down your fingers danced, "I know which one I want."

He scanned your eyes before catching your lips, holding your chin tenderly. The feeling sent your gut reeling in all different directions. It was so warm...

"I just wish," he mumbled into your mouth, "I'd been there for you."

"Well you're here now," you replied.

You tilted your face, giving him better access as he ran his tongue over your teeth and lips, igniting a fire in the pit of your stomach. L led you to the wall, his body pressed against yours. It was deep and consuming, begging. Which of you was begging, you had no idea. It was the most needy kiss you'd ever had, the heat making your knees buckle.

His lips attached themselves to your shoulder. You pressed your head against the wall, closing your eyes. Every touch, every lick and nip and loving kiss brought a tight knot. You were vaguely aware of him sliding your nightgown to the floor, and his fingers exploring your body.

"What was it like?" You found yourself whispering.

He didn't stop his motions, and you could even feel his smile on your skin, teeth grazing.

"It's hard to explain, but I was following silence... I think I was searching for its source," his breath left goosebumps, "But that's a search that can take eternity. Life, here," you gasped, his tongue passing over your nipple, "life is much more interesting. It's so short, but it's so," he lapped it gently, "fulfilling," he massaged it with it teeth, making your head throw back, "life leaves you craving more of it."

The words sent you quivering. He hoisted you, drawing circles on your hips while his lips met yours again. 

"My turn," he moaned through the kiss, grinding against you, still clothed. You looked at him, eyes glazed over. He smirked, kissing your ear delicately, "where do you want me to touch you?"

"Everywhere," you shuddered, scratching at his scalp, "my turn... how does your new body feel when I do this?"

You palmed his erection. His mouth fell open as his eyes lidded.

"So good," he mumbled, pressing his forehead against yours, "my turn. How does it feel when I do this?"

You gasped, arching your back when his finger poked into your entrance. Leaning into his temple, your body shivered, your mind lurching.

"My turn," you rasped, your voice husky, your tongue darting across the shell of his ear, "Will you fuck me tonight, L Lawliet?"

The reaction was immediate. He gave a low groan, fighting to get his clothes off. Soon, the two of you were naked, your legs wrapped around his waist. You kept kissing him, your mind numb. His skin was so smooth... He nuzzled your face and suddenly drew back quickly, his brow etched in worry. You looked at him, confused, until he lightly touched your cheek, his finger coming back wet. You'd been crying? It even surprised you a bit. He shrank back, looking scared.

"I-I'm sorry. Was it something I did?"

"They're happy," you realized, gently wiping at the tears.

L straightened, staring at you. He still looked worried as he twirled one of your strands.

"Are you sure?"

Instead of answering, you pulled him closer, resting your head on his shoulder. 

"I love you so much," you croaked, kissing his skin, delighting in his shudder, "believe me, they're happy."

He still felt tense, but slowly melted under your touch. The two of you moved off the wall, walking backwards to the bedroom. You felt the bedsheet meet your back as he crawled on top. He settled, pulling you into a tight hug while entering you and your mind blanked. You screwed your eyes shut, gaping as he moved. L's grip tightened as he grunted, his thrusts harder and faster. It felt so surreal being back here with him. You pulled his mouth towards you, nibbling on his bottom lip. Your tongues danced as he kept thrusting, holding onto your hips for support. 

"Oh, I'm going to--"

Your eyes popped as you orgasmed, the pleasure making your toes curl. He thrusted one more time, releasing warm come. He rocked his hips, riding out the orgasm. It was so filling. The scent of sex hung in the air, and you loved it. A part of you wanted this to never end. Neither of you moved, as if even breathing would break the moment. Finally though, he slid to your side. You curled against him, feeling the wild beating of his heart against your back. 

The world felt sluggish. Twisting, a scream caught in your throat. He was a rotting corpse, one of his eyes missing. A large spider crawled out of the hole and into his mouth, its long legs squishing into his rotting flesh. His decaying teeth moved wordlessly as his dead eye shifted, glaring at you.

Your eyes flew open, the nightmare crashing through your mind.

Next to you, L stared up at the ceiling, his eyes wide. Your heart skipped a beat.

"L?!"

The first thought that ran through your mind was that he was dead...He blinked, looking down at you. When he saw your fear, he quickly wrapped an arm around you.

"Just my insomnia... what happened?"

You were shaking as you buried your face in his chest. Your ears found his heart, beating steadily. You internalized the beat, using it to calm yourself and eventually drift off to a more peaceful sleep.

L's perspective

It must've been a nightmare. But she didn't talk about it... that was a pattern I was beginning to notice. 

She snored quietly, her form pressed against me. I ran my hands through her hair, my mind swirling. It had never occurred to me I could have this effect on anyone. I pressed my lips against the top of her head, my mind racing. The way she'd touched her throat... of course it wasn't confirmed, but I had a damn good idea what that meant. The thought of anyone, of _him_ touching her... I bit my lip, trying to calm down. 

_"I tried to murder him... I'm a monster"_.

How badly would she lose herself if she murdered someone? Would she spiral? How dark would she go? Fear gnawed up my insides. Fear of losing her in one of the worst ways possible. I'd seen it once before. Once B had made his first kill, he was too far gone and I couldn't save him, no matter how hard I tried... It seemed like everyone I cared about seemed to suffer. It was a bitter thought imagining a world in which she had those cold eyes, that darkness that made B so terrifying and heartbreaking. I pushed her hair away from her face, taking in her features.

"We'll catch him together," I whispered into her hair. She shifted, but didn't wake.

In the morning, it would be back to work, long shifts filled with pixels and computer screens. But this was tonight. I buried my nose into her shoulder, inhaling.

"Goodnight, Y/n," I mumbled. 


	21. Homeward Bound

Sunlight filtered in and you woke up, your face smooshed against L's chest. You wanted to get out of the bed without waking him, but his arms were so tight, leading you to do an ungraceful worming/contorting/crawling out of his grip and subsequently falling off the bed. Your yelp made him sit up up quickly, and he glanced over to see you sprawled out across the floor. He leaned against the bedrest.

"You okay?"

"Shush, shush. You were supposed to wake up, see that I wasn't there and then I'd lean against the doorway all sexily, but then you had to go and ruin it."

He gave a lopsided grin, placing his chin in the cup of his hand.

"I could always go back to sleep."

Trying to hide your own smile, you scooped up and slipped on his shirt to his weak protest. The soft fabric hugged your skin. Whoa, you could definitely see why he liked these things. They made you feel like melting, like you could just stay in it forever. You stepped towards the kitchen.

"Oh, shut up," you chastised lightly.

"Are you sure? You could still be the elusive and mysterious lover," he called out as you walked through the hall. 

You began pouring yourself a coffee when you felt his presence behind you, nuzzling the nape of your neck, still naked. 

"I think you have something that belongs to me," he rumbled, tugging at his shirt.

"Hm? And? What are you going to do? Take it off me?"

He smiled into your hair. Twisting, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. L pulled you into a slow kiss, the counter pushing into your back. Closing your eyes, you felt his fingers slide up your leg, leaving a fiery trail wherever they passed. You broke the kiss, sliding your palms over his chest. His pupils were dilated as he leaned into you. 

"Breakfast. How does a... ketchup... breakfast burrito sound? Unless you just want candy? I got plenty of that."

L tapped his chin playfully.

"I do enjoy candy."

Carefully, you arranged different lollipops and pieces of chocolate and caramel to make it look as if it were a fancy breakfast. You bowed, sitting next to him.

"Bon appetite."

"10 out of 10. A world class meal." 

The two of you sat there, drinking your coffee and eating breakfast. You sighed, never noticing how bright your house was in the morning. He gave you a sideways glance, popping a caramel into his mouth.

"We have to expose Kira."

Welp, there it was. A sigh worked up your chest. You knew you couldn't stay like this forever. And it was better to get the case over with. But... this bubble felt so perfect. You didn't want to burst it. Yet you knew him. Detective work was what kept him sane, his own way of coping. You crossed your arms, meeting his eyes.

"Okay... what do you want to do?"

He nibbled his thumb, staring at the coffee.

"How tight is Kira's grip on society?"

"Well, you haven't seen Kira's Kingdom," you snorted, much to his appalled and confused expression, "people have been trying to turn Kira into a religion. The last time they tried asking for money over the TV though, Kira... didn't exactly react well to the scam."

"It's worse than I thought... the deeper he gets into the public psyche, the harder it'll be to bring him down... especially if the jury's biased."

His eyes went distant. You could almost see the gears turning in his mind. You kept waiting for some amazing breakthrough that didn't happen. Instead, his brow furrowed frustratedly. 

"I hate it," he growled, shoving a lollipop into his mouth, "he's in my building with all my resources, my money, my technology, my files, my team... I wish I could see Light now, make an updated profile..."

"I have notes," you said quietly, moving to a drawer.

He stared at you, the lollipop hanging on his lips. Taking out full notepads of notes, you gently held them out.

"Every time he visits, I've made a mini-profile, tried to see how he's changed over time..."

As L began flipping through your notes, you curled up on the seat, suddenly embarrassed. Truth be told, they were all a bit personal. He studied them, pausing on one page. You glanced over his shoulder, gasping as you snatched it away. The day L had died, he'd told you it was your fault, that L wouldn't have died if you'd just been better. That L's blood was on your hands... You shivered, remembering the mind-ripping guilt... Too personal. Quickly, you stuffed it into your pocket. L nodded slightly, not pressing.

"These are good... you really captured his douchery."

That made you chuckle. Seeing your smile made his eyes soften. Sucking in a breath, you motioned to the papers.

"He's unwinding," you offered, "I've noticed over time, his composure has been straining. That god complex has become a victorious one... ever since you died, he thinks he's won, that he's invincible. It's made him arrogant, less cautious."

L's eyes widened slowly. You could _see_ the idea forming behind his eyes. 

"Wait... that _he's_ invincible... or his note is?"

You stared at him, trying to catch what he was getting at. Without waiting for your answer or question, he began shoving candy after candy into his mouth, his lips tight in thought.

"We don't even need a profile... or an investigation. We still have the page from the death note," you grumbled into your coffee.

L stopped, giving you a sideways look with barely masked alarm. There was a tenseness in the air that made you shift uncomfortably. He looked like he wanted to respond. Instead of answering though, he adverted his eyes. 

"Let's wait until we're sure we can acquire both notes... I know where we can go. It'll still be difficult conducting the investigation there, but it's the safest place I know. We have to pack."

You wanted to argue. The longer the two of you waited... you opened your mouth, but paused. He seemed apprehensive, his look pleading. No, it was more than that. He was trying to hide it, but there was a spark of desperation. Begging you to say yes. You faltered, tilting your head, unsure.

"Where would we be going?"

L didn't answer at first, his eyes flickering with the maddening swirl of thoughts on his head. He twirled the lollipop in his mouth. 

"Surely my secure phone connection with them has been severed... does Light know about Wammy's House?"

"I'm going to say no but I don't even know what that is."

A wistful look crossed his face. He stared at the lollipop.

"I grew up there. I guess you can say I was raised by... w-what happened to Watari's body? Is it possible to bring him back?"

His eyes were so large and eager as he scooted forward expectantly. You bit your lip, doubts running through your brain. L caught on to your silence, his face falling slightly. 

"His will asked that he be cremated and spread throughout the Kielder Forest in England... I'm so sorry... The body needs to be uncovered. After five years..."

L winced, sitting down completely, wrapping his arms tighter around his knees. He didn't say anything for what felt like the longest time, nor did there need to be words. The only sound in the house was the clock ticking. Finally, he picked up his head.

"I'm going to miss him."

You touched his wrist tenderly. He leaned into your touch, closing his eyes. When he opened them, you saw a determined resolve behind them.

"We still need to go to Wammy's. We have the best chance there," he flashed a wry grin, "some of those kids are smarter than me."

"Hm. So a place for genii?" You purred.

He puffed out his chest, a slight twinkle in his eye.

"If I came from there, then of course."

"You're insufferable, you know that?" But there was a smile as you said it.

He scooted closer, pulling you into a hug. You giggled as he nuzzled the side of your face.

"Am I? And here I was thinking we might have some sex before being thrown into a house with thirty kids, but if I'm _insufferable_\--"

Thirty kids. Hm. Pulling him into a kiss, you felt his hot breath run across your lips. He inhaled deeply, cupping your face, tangling his fingers in your hair.

"Well, just because you're insufferable doesn't make you un-fuckable," you whispered.

L held you closer, losing his balance and tumbling off the chair, taking you down with him. You landed on his chest, looking down at him, your heart racing. He gaped, gently touching your face. 

"I hope you like it," he murmured, tracing the lines of your features, "I've never thought of it as a home, but... I don't know... maybe it is... in a strange way."

You opened your mouth to respond, but he started riding up the shirt. You closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling of his fingers gliding on your skin, drawing patterns, methodical yet natural. Once you felt it slide off, he gave a triumphant sound. Your eyes popped open to see him hugging his shirt. 

"Told you I'd get it back," he teased.

* * *

Light's perspective

Aizawa was getting annoying. I'd wanted to take Matsuda with me, but Aizawa absolutely insisted that he be the one to escort me to Y/n's.

The sun was sinking as I knocked my knuckles against the door. He stood off to the side, watching me warily. I knew what he thought. He thought I was some kid way too over my head to be the new L. What did he know? Could he do what I had done? No. _I'm a god, you're nothing_. After a couple of minutes, Y/n still hadn't answered the door. I stared at the wood in front of me. 

"Maybe she's not home," he offered quietly, "it's not like you called or anything."

Not home? Ridiculous. She never left her house! Besides, how could she not be home when _I_ was here? 

"Kick down the door... she might be in trouble," I added quickly.

Aizawa blanched.

"I'm not kicking her fucking door down. Maybe if you... oh, I don't know, _called_ her."

Glaring at him, I dialed her home phone first. From outside, we could hear it ringing. An answering machine took the call. Even though her voice was overall neutral, I couldn't help but feel her pitch had changed... like she was more aware and awake. 

"Hey, I'm not going to be home for a while, visiting family, so please leave a message after the beep!"

I chewed my lip worriedly. Was she actually looking for support, moving on? Did that mean I'd have to kill her soon? I hesitated. What had changed? Everything was going so well, so fun... Without leaving a message, I hung up. Aizawa shrugged.

"If she's not home, she's not home. I don't know what to tell you."

Quietly, I seethed past him, anger roiling in my stomach. Whatever. Once she got back, she'd be mine... it was all a waiting game...


	22. Tension

You looked up at the large building. It was gorgeous, old yet distinguished with a distinct Victorian style. You were acutely aware of eyes following the two you of you from the windows as an elderly man opened the door. When he saw L, his face went white, his hand on the knob shaking, staring. It felt like forever until L finally relented the smallest of smiles.

"Hi, Roger."

"Oh, my... L... how... c-come in! Please..."

They all watched the both of you intently with their wide eyes. They whispered amongst themselves. L turned to them and they all squeaked, shrinking back. A girl had the courage to step forward, staring up at him.

"I've never seen L... are you really...?"

He grinned gently. She drew in a sharp breath. The other kids gasped loudly, crowding around to ask questions. They inspected you quizzically, like a specimen, speculating to each other who you were. Finally, Roger swept into the throng, waving them away. Instead of disappearing though, they simply watched from around the corner. Roger laughed nervously.

"I have to teach them better manners... Lawliet... what _happened_?"

L was about to answer, when the older man pulled him into a hug. He stood there, stunned, staring at the old man's shoulder. L looked so shocked you couldn't help but giggle. The kids tittered excitedly, still watching L with bright eyes. He faltered as Roger held him out.

"I know I never really showed affection towards you... that was always Quillish's specialty... but you have no idea how happy I am to see you," Roger said shakily, "I wanted to go to your funeral so badly, but..."

L's eyes were still wide, encompassing. He nodded understandingly, face melting.

"Thank you for heeding my will... if Kira found you... I don't want to think about it..."

Roger's eyes misted as he hugged L again. You stood off to the side, feeling warm. He suddenly noticed you, clasping his hands together. Roger tilted his head, his eyes lighting up.

"Roger Ruvie... pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss."

You bowed respectfully.

"Hello... I'm Y/n L/n."

"Is that your girlfriend?" One of the kids piped up.

The heat rose to your face. Some of the other ones swatted at the kid, snapping about how she'd spoken up. L placed a finger on his chin thoughtfully, a grin playing at his lips.

"I suppose that would be the proper term, although I do feel she's much more than that."

There was a chorus of oohs. Your face turned an even brighter shade of red. Roger was practically beside himself as he pulled you and L through the halls. You chewed your lip, trying to imagine L as a kid. It was hard. You quickly forced yourself back into a story Roger was telling.

"Near tried to get his own investigation established in several countries, but the leaders were already too scared of Kira... Matt and Mello joined the mafia, but Matt felt as though Near could use the extra help. So he returned, and, ha, you know Matt and Mello. Where one goes, the other follows. So eventually, Mello came back."

Roger opened a door, motioning for the two of you to enter. Curled up on the floor was a young boy with silver hair and grey eyes, building a tower of dice. He glanced up, emotionless, his eyes analyzing. Hm, L probably looked something like that...

"So, you're alive," was all he said, adjusting the dice methodically.

You glanced at L, noticing how uncomfortable he looked. He crossed his arms, nodding seriously.

"Your education's coming along well... I thought... I thought you may assist me in this case?"

"I prefer to help winners."

"Near!" Roger barked.

You blanched, glancing between the three of them. To your surprise, L had a smirk. He crossed the room, bending next to Near. The boy finally turned his eyes up warily.

"As long as I'm alive, I haven't lost yet... it's good to see you to."

Near didn't say anything. He twirled a strand of his hair.

"If you didn't lose, then where have you been all this time?"

There was a note of hurt. L didn't answer.

The door was thrown open. Everyone whirled to see two boys, one with blond-orange hair, the other fiery red, breathing heavily.

"L! You're a real fucking wanker, you know that?" The red-head yelled, his body trembling, "you let us think you were dead... such an asshole move..."

"It would appear that I'd have to return my winnings to you, Mello," Near grumbled, "you were right about him after all..."

"Oh shut up, Near," Mello whimpered, still staring at L, "but... yeah... how... how could you do that to us?" 

Your brow rose, but you didn't say anything. Instead, they surged past you, hugging L. He yelped, falling over, clearly not used to so much attention. Matt shook his head in L's chest.

"Such an asshole," he breathed, shuddering.

Near looked at them longingly, fiddling with the same hair. L gently pulled him into the hug. The young boy didn't smile or frown, but you definitely noticed him lean slightly into L. They broke apart, but gazed at him with unwavering adoration.

Roger disappeared to go get snacks while L started describing Kira, his identity, some of the battles that had happened. Their eyes were trained on him. Even though they were scattered around the room, they reminded you of kids crowding around a storyteller.

"I say we pummel his face in!" Mello growled, punching the wall. 

Matt was leaning against the desk, studying his friend quizzically. Near sniffed uninterestedly. L was still on the floor, Near leaning against him. He looked up at Mello and sighed.

"We need to be more tactful."

Matt began pacing. You shifted, never having felt more like an introvert in your life. It felt like you were at a private event, slightly intrusive but trying your best to blend with the wallpaper. Matt blinked, scanning you with a raised brow.

"What about her? Is she part of the investigation?" He asked suddenly.

Mello's brow rose.

"Who?"

"Why am I not surprised you didn't notice her," Near rolled his eyes. 

You scratched your arm. True, you hadn't exactly greeted them, but damn if that didn't feel cold. It was understandable, they were so excited to see L... Mello gaped, whirling around to face you. He winced, bowing his head, his face flushed.

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" 

Matt moved closer to you, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. He flashed you a dazzling smile, revealing rows of white teeth as he pushed back messy red hair.

"Hey," he purred, "maybe once this is all over, you and I can work on our _own_ investigation." 

He fished in his pocket for an extra cigarette, holding it out with a smoldering smirk. Your brow quirked as you stared at him, honestly a bit impressed by his boldness. You glanced over to see L quietly bristling. A chuckle rose up your stomach as he cleared his throat annoyedly.

"Matt, how many women actually fall for your chain-smoking hormonal teenager act?" L snipped. The teen grinned easily.

"Hey I was just saying--"

"I'm taken," you clarified, pushing yourself off the wall. 

Matt's eyes widened. He yelped, scrambling to shove the extra cigarette in his pocket as he cringed guiltily. You moved over to L's side, sitting next to him.

"Y/n... pleasure to meet you," you chirped.

L smirked. His fingers subtly flicked against yours, passing over your knuckles as he turned his attention back to the boys. While he talked, his fingers never stopped ghosting over yours. 

"As I was _saying_... I believe we must lure Kira out of the shadows."

"Make him expose himself," Mello finished the sentence.

L nodded, "exactly."

"He sounds like a kid... a kid with a very dangerous toy," Matt grumbled.

That made you snort, causing them to glance at you curiously. You crossed your arms.

"His toy is the one thing in the world he loves."

"Exactly," L said softly, picking up a domino that had fallen on the floor, "Logic dictates the only time he'd make himself vulnerable would be to protect the thing he loves. That's what happens when you love something, you're willing to make yourself more vulnerable."

Near nodded slowly, a smile creeping up his lips. Yes, he was just a kid, but his smile creeped you out a bit.

"We go after his toy."

L twirled the domino lazily.

"Good start. But we need more. It'll be almost impossible to actually get to the note... When does that vulnerability turn to defeat?"

"You destroy the thing they love," you whispered more to yourself. 

L's eyes softened, though the successors didn't notice. He continued talking.

"Correct. In Kira's case, I believe we need to destroy his faith in his toy. Right now, he believes his note is infallible. To realize it can just as easily be a liability would completely untangle whatever composure he has left. He'll be completely vulnerable and we can get a confession."

"This sounds interesting, but when do we actually get around to killing him?" you said slowly.

L's eyes sparked. He opened his mouth to protest, but Mello let out a loud whoop.

"Hell yeah, I like her! Welcome to the family!"

"Well, yes, but..." L stuttered.

But even Near was tilting his head.

"Technically she's not wrong. A serial killer doesn't stop unless they are stopped."

L's eyes darted and your brow furrowed. Why was he acting so weird? No matter what happened, winning against Light meant his death. He seemed to be searching for an excuse as he shook his head.

"I agree, he'll be executed."

"Or we can stop him from killing anymore people now," you replied, watching him closely.

His eyes sparked. He wrapped his arms around his legs, nibbling at his thumb, his eyes trained on yours intently.

"So... we kill him in the name of justice? Doesn't that make us Kiras?"

Your mouth popped open. Anger at being compared to _anything_ like Kira surged through your chest. What was his problem? You glared into his irises challengingly. His look was just as hard, electricity crackling. L's grey eyes were steely, the ones you'd seen when he was in detective-mode, cold and calculating. Matt seemed to be the only one catching onto the apprehension. He stepped in expertly, clearly always the mediator.

"Let's give ourselves some time to think of our next move. If we're not careful, we could make him a martyr."

L nodded in obvious relief. You tried to catch his gaze again, but he quickly adverted it. Your heart tugged painfully as you stared at him, trying to decipher him. What was that about? Near twirled a strand of hair.

"I suppose we should secure the notes first... having them out in the world is practically begging for new Kiras."

"I disagree," Mello growled, "he's the immediate threat and we should take care of it while we still can."

Near glared at him, whatever competition they had amongst themselves re-igniting.

"I don't care if you disagree, I'm simply stating that simple killing may not be the answer."

Their eyes narrowed dangerously. You shrank, looking for L and Matt, but they didn't seem surprised at this argument. Finally, you caught L's gaze. Your lip trembled, frustration and confusion sweeping your mind. He had his wall up, that same one that masked his emotions so well. It had been so long since you'd seen that wall, but you recognized it anywhere. Your throat felt dry as he stood, stretching languidly. 

"I have to find Roger and thank him for hosting us," he rumbled, "it's getting late..." he looked at his successors fondly, sighing, "goodnight..."

They didn't answer, sensing the tension. You stood, watching him warily. He glanced at you in a mix of fear and sadness, bowing his head. _He's trying to keep his distance_? Why?... you felt numb as he turned. 

"Goodnight, Y/n," he whispered, lurching out of the room.

You stood there, stunned, your mind frozen. The successors stared after the door, muttering amongst themselves. Cheeks burning, you tried walking calmly out, where one of the kids directed you to the room you were sharing with L. He was already curled up in the bed, his back to you. Different emotions flickered in your stomach as you slid next to him, pressing your lips against his back.

"Are you actually going to talk to me... or are you just going to shut me out?" You mumbled into his shirt.

He curled up tighter, his wild hair pressing harder into the pillow. Mist filled your eyes but you swiped at it stubbornly.

"L... what's going on?"

L didn't respond. You blinked, noticing his breathing had gone heavier, into heaving. A panic attack? Crying? You reached for him, but he shifted out of your grip. He turned so he was facing you, but his features were shrouded in darkness. His voice sounded small though.

"I'm scared," he rasped. 

Scared? In general or of something specific? You opened your mouth to ask, but he turned around again, going into a tiny ball. Your eyes flickered in worry as you settled with your own back to him, a shudder passing through you.


	23. Pressure Valve

You knew L was avoiding you... anyone could tell. The kids constantly pestered you, asking if the two of you had a fight. Every time you'd have to sigh, saying you weren't... even though you wish you were. Screaming and getting it all out would be better than this silent treatment. Whenever he saw you, he'd veer off, disappearing to God knows where... you hated it... After about a week of this, you saw him in the gardens, down the hill. He was standing by a tree, staring at the distant mountains. You approached him cautiously, trying your best to be quiet.

He turned, his eyes meeting yours. They darted away as he started walking in the other direction.

"Lawliet!"

You rushed forward, grabbing onto the back of his shirt. He yelped, jerking around to face you. Your mouth felt like it was full of cotton... now what? What could you possibly say?... your grip on his shirt loosened as you looked at the ground.

"Don't ignore me."

"I'm not... we can't be everywhere together all at on--"

"L."

He stopped, not looking at you. 

"B," he said in a small voice.

You blanked. B? The name sounded familiar... but he'd never talked about it... L blinked, clearing his throat. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"He was a successor who went crazy and started killing people. Not much else to the story. I'm going to go get some cake."

You stared at him. He shrank, stuffing his hands into his pockets. A successor... your eyes misted. You hadn't known Matt, Mello, or Near for long but the thought of any of them going down such a dark path made you shiver. 

"Oh, L... I'm sorry..."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he mumbled, stepping away, "he was an evil person... who got what he deserved..."

You quickly pulled his arm back, forcing him to look at you. He didn't look like he wanted to, trying to shift his gaze wherever he could. Finally, his body trembled.

"You think you're the only one who hates him? He killed me! He hurt you!... I want to see him suffer...But that's not the side we're on..."

Your heart tugged as different fears played through your mind.

"Except this isn't a game with sides... L, this, right here. Your insistence on following rules. It's why you _died_. I just want us to come out of this alive."

L approached you cautiously, examining your face. He looked like a kicked dog shuffling towards you. You held your arms around yourself, heart racing. Slowly, he sighed.

"I won't change my opinion... will you go through with it anyway?"

Would you? You chewed your lip in uncertainty, not answering.

"Just... _please_ don't push me away. I can't feel like you hate me..."

L drew back in surprise.

"You think I hate you?" He asked quietly.

You shrank. A more logical part of your brain told you no, of course not... but the fearful part... the one that ruined your life for the past five years.... He gazed at you, his eyes soft and longing. L seemed to be debating something, his mouth a tight line.

Sighing, he sat down, motioning for you to do the same. You looked over the mountains, taking in their majesty, so far away yet close at the same time. L picked at a blade of grass, twirling it in his fingers.

"I used to think of B as my little brother."

He didn't give any more, wrapping his arms around his knees protectively. He stared at the grass, his expression going distant. L buried his face out of view, his arms tightening. It was so peaceful here, so quiet... you wrung the hem of your shirt anxiously.

"You think I'm going to go crazy?" You whispered.

L didn't answer right away. When he finally looked at you, your breath caught. Tears had welled in his eyes, making his face appear even more tired. They made his eyes reflective, to the point where you could see yourself in his pupils. He trembled violently, a slight crack in his voice. It was the closest to crying you'd ever seen him.

"I just want to do this for you," he lamented so quietly you almost missed it, "I don't care about this world or justice or anything... I want to catch him for you..."

He pitched forward, letting out a silent sob. L drew in a sharp breath, his breathing coming out heavy and ragged as he tried burying his face again. Your mouth gaped as you quickly pulled him against you. At first, it felt like he might resist in favor of becoming a ball. But he sagged in your arms, releasing quiet, strangled whimpers. He grasped his hair as if it would stop the sudden surge, his face contorting with the effort to stop the floodgates. 

"You're so angry" he whimpered, shaking, "I'm scared you'll like it... And then you'll want to keep killing be-because it feels good and I won't be able to stop you or help you or do anything!"

He choked, his grip on his hair tightening, "Because of B, I've always kept Near and Matt and Mello at a distance and I fell for you despite him... the only people I've ever truly cared about were you, Watari and B, and now... they're both gone and I'm terrified I'm going to lose you." He gripped his hair tighter as a tear forced its way down the bridge of his nose, "Killing is such a slippery slope and I'm so scared... that you'll fall down, and I'll..." his lip quivered as he hung his head, "I'll be all alone, or worse, I'll have to watch you disappear piece by piece. And I won't be able to _do_ anything... I can't lose you, I can't, I ca--"

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His lips moved wordlessly, his eyes wild with fear. You tenderly kissed the top of his head. It was cold and sweaty. He leaned into your touch, holding onto your shirt until his knuckles went white.

"I don't want to watch you disappear like that," he croaked, sounding like a frightened child, "I can't go through that again... not you."

Stroking his soft hair, your lip trembled. You tangled your fingers over his scalp, the same way he did when you had your own panic attack. He gasped, your stroking calming him down.

"You won't lose me," you answered in a hushed voice.

L's eyes were huge. They always reminded you of an owl's, taking in everything they came across. You met them earnestly, surprised by your own honesty. Whatever happened... you would accept. Light's death? Of course... Light's capture? Sure. At that, his whole body released a pent-up shudder. You pulled away so you could examine his face. It was puffed and his cheeks were tear-stained. L shifted, such strong reactions foreign. He looked utterly and completely exhausted, the bags under his eyes more pronounced. He hung his head, still shivering.

"I guess we're still both such a mess," you smiled sadly through quick-forming tears.

That made him laugh wryly. For a second, the two of you sat there, your brains overloaded, bogged and drowning... but then the laughing began again. You couldn't even explain it, but you were doubled over. L was soon to follow, collapsing on top of you, sounding a bit like a hyena. His head was pressed against your abdomen, and you could feel the vibrations of both your laughters.

"Can you believe... This is all because a notebook," he wheezed, "I mean... a _notebook_, Y/n!"

His comment brought on a fresh wave of laughter. Your stomach twisted, struggling to breathe, the world stopping around you.

"What's next?" You cackled loudly, "the Scrapbook of Doom?"

L's laughing was so hard that no sound was coming out, making it look like he was stuck buffering. 

"Don't forget all the bored Shinigami," he managed, wiping at his eyes, "I hope they like soap operas."

A howl escaped your stomach. You held your gut, thinking for a second you might just fall apart. L rolled next to you, still having a hard time breathing.

"Do we at least get an award?"

"I'd totally win 'most traumatized character'," he teased, sticking out his tongue in between laughs.

You hunched, curling and holding yourself as you giggled airily, unable to bring yourself back. It was like someone had pushed the pressure release valve and nothing you did was setting it back to normal... but maybe you didn't need normal right now... 

"Nuh-uh! Five years gives me the automatic win!"

L looked at the sky, spreading out his arms.

"You decide, Shinigami," he called, chuckling crazily, "which one of us is the most fucked up?"

When there was no answer, that seemed to bring a whole new wave of laughter. You grabbed his arm, trying to steady yourself, but it wasn't working. 

"They're too busy making collages in their Scrapbooks."

L's hands flew to his face, breathing coming out in high squeaks. 

"So rude! They need to place their bets!"

"Oh, I'm totally going to win."

"We'll see..."

You pretended to pick out a bucket from the air.

"And the winner is... Y/n!"

L glanced over your shoulder and scoffed at the nonexistent award.

"Pfft. The academy's biased."

The laughter was subsiding, bringing a settled peace over your mind. The chemicals in your brain felt more grounded, giving you a more solid connection to the world. Laying on the grass, you just allowed yourself to feel his breathing, his warm body pressed against yours. Neither of you said anything for the longest time. Holding your breath, you twirled a lock of his hair. 

"We'll be okay," you whispered.

L twisted his neck so you could see each other's faces. The weight of his chin pressing against your chest felt nice, like he belonged there. From sweat, or tears, or maybe his hair was just so drained, it hung, falling around his features handsomely. 

"You think so?"

It was hopeful. You touched his temple. L's eyes fluttered as he pressed his head against your fingers.

"You don't?" You teased lightly. 

He gave a serene smile.

"I do," he corrected, sighing.

His eyes opened slowly. L gently kissed your chest, letting his lips linger.

"I love you."

It was so simple, yet it held so much. He settled, the side of his face over your heart. Cuddling together in the gardens, you realized he'd fallen asleep, his breathing deep yet steady. You hugged him, nuzzling his hair. How long were you like that? You squinted up at the sky. Long enough for the blue sky to have gone cloudy, threatening to bring rain. 

As you lay there wandering in your thoughts, a gasp almost escaped, your eyes widening. A plan formed in your mind... outlandish, crazy... but if it worked, Team Wammy would acquire both notes, stopping the possibility of other Kiras... and get a confession out of Light. You stared at L, his face set in a pristine sleep. You bit your lip. He wouldn't like it. Dear God, he wouldn't like it. He would hate it so much that you almost laughed out loud, catching yourself. 

"When you wake up, hear me out," you breathed to his gentle snore. 


	24. Some fine-tuning

"Hm, it makes sense," L mused, pressing his thumb to his lips, "that my soulmate would be _insane_. How? Why? In what universe--"

Hm. You were torn between between annoyance at being called insane and joy at being called his soulmate... He began ranting in Russian, tugging at his hair, his voice loud.

"псих. Она хочет подарить мне серебряные волосы ... черт возьми, здесь жарко ... Я влюбился в сумасшедшего человека, это была моя идея? Нет! Но это случилось, и теперь это не может быть отменено, и теперь она хочет устроить мне чертовски паническую атаку! Что, черт возьми, да?"

You blinked, staring, sprawled out on the sofa. He started pacing, switching to another language, but you couldn't tell which one it was. As he talked, he rubbed his hands up and down his face.

"Ég vissi. Ég hefði átt að vita það! Á því augnabliki sem hún gekk inn hefði ég átt að kveðja mína geðheilsu! Hún vill gefa mér hjartaáfall! Þetta er morðtilraun hennar, er það ekki? Ég þarf vatn, nei ég þarf sykur. Svo mikill sykur. Ég þarf að drukkna sjálfan mig í því ... guð fjandinn"

"Um--"

L shot you a glare.

"Is this an experiment to see if you can give me a heart attack _without_ the note?"

"Not you. Me," you quipped, crossing your ams. 

"It's too risky! You're putting a _lot_ of faith in that _little_ eraser," He cried out.

Sighing, you twisted to a sitting position. 

"Admittedly, it needs some fine tuning, but I think it could work... L, you yourself said it. As long as Light has unwavering faith in his note, we won't get a confession and he'll always be promoting Kira as a dangerous religion. People won't see it for the fanatic madness it is... We don't know where the second note is, and that's almost just as dangerous! If we can somehow get him to come to us with both notes, and he sees someone die and come back, he'll be completely destroyed! Broken man = easy confession. People will only see him as a raving lunatic."

L scratched at his head, eyes spinning. 

"**_Finjustering_**!? Den har brug for en hammer! Skriv dit navn? Er du sindssyg? OH VENT. HØJRE! DU ER!..." He sucked in a sharp breath, "you keep saying think and somehow! Admit it, you did _not_ think this through... There are so many things that can go wrong...," his voice had a slight squeak to it.

"Which is _why_ I want genuine advice and some fine tu--"

"Yeah, fine tuning," he grumbled, "you mentioned that."

You slid next to him, fluttering your eyelashes, making your voice sweet.

"_Please_ help me figure out how to psychologically destroy a person."

He stared at you from over his fingers with narrowed eyes. L shook his head quickly. You sighed, holding onto his shoulders. That seemed to ground him more.

"L... be honest... if it wasn't _me_... what would you think about this idea?"

L looked like he wanted to argue, but his eyes flickered. They flashed to the side, his voice a low mumble.

"You think I'm letting my emotions get in the way," he whispered, "and you'd be right..." L's body deflated as the indignation did, "if it wasn't you? I'd think it was insanely risky, but with a little... fine tuning... might work... there are many kinks to iron out."

"Mm, kinky," you snickered.

A smile forced his way up his lips, but L's eyes were still wide with worry. 

The successors had mixed reactions to your idea, but realizing they literally had nothing else, they decided it was worth a try. Getting ready took time, and as you worked with them, you found yourself settling to life in the orphanage.

You grew accustomed to Wammy's House. All the kids loved to hang around you, telling you stories or listening to yours. They were mischievous little devils, always knowing to sneak to get what they wanted. On more than one occasion, you walked into an on-going pantry raid, just for you to stare at them and slowly back out. But unbeknownst to Roger, you may or may not have stood guard during one of these said raids... in exchange, the older kids would tell you stories of when L was still living there. L would shake his head affectionately after the transactions.

"You're encouraging them."

"Sue me. I'm trying to figure out your roots."

L scratched his head in embarrassment.

"It's not that interesting," he murmured.

"Not that interesting? You're right, growing up in an orphanage for genii isn't interesting."

One of the kids rushed up to you, holding a large plaque. You looked at it and burst out in a fit of giggles. L craned his neck to see and yelped, snatching it from the kid. She chuckled evilly, scurrying down the hall.

It was a picture of the Junior Tennis Championship. L couldn't have been more than 11. He stared at the camera murderously in his shorts and t-shirt, a band wrapped around his head to keep his hair back. Someone must've told Little L to smile, because were curved upwards, but it didn't reach his eyes. L's face went a deep scarlet.

"I keep forgetting to burn this," he growled miserably, tossing it under the bed.

Just for a some fun, you'd take it and put it in the most random of spots for him to find. You settled, waiting as he yelped loudly from the shower.

"Hell!"

You stifled a laugh as he lumbered out with a towel around his waist.

"Oh, I'm going to get you for that," he grinned, chasing after you.

Before you could get to the door, he enveloped you in your arms, lightly nibbling on your neck, teeth scraping but not breaking skin. He pulled you towards the bed, collapsing with you on top. Looking down at him, you slowly kissed him, thrilling in the way his breath mixed with yours, the wild fluttering that you could feel against your ribcage... unable to tell if it was yours or his. His fingers spread over your clothing, pressing just enough for you to grind in anticipation, but not enough for satisfaction. L's finger dragged down over your spine.

"You must be so hot," he rumbled, sifting your shirt, "let me help you cool down."

"Is that what it is?" You purred, straddling him. 

It felt like you were yourself again. Like most of that dark anger was gone. You sat on an old bench in the courtyard, enjoying the cool breeze. All the kids had wormed their way into your heart, and you'd managed to remember all their nicknames. They were sweet and the more time you spent with them, the more you found yourself loving the old building. This place felt like home... 

* * *

Matt pressed a button, leaning back in his chair. On the monitor, a large N appeared. L nodded. The five of you had been working on this plan for weeks, putting together documentation and deciding the best time and meeting spot, as well as digitally monitoring Misa. 

"Connect us to Kira Task Force Headquarters."

"Hello?"

A shiver ran up your spine. L's eyes steeled and narrowed determinedly as he spoke.

"Ah... I'm pleased to hear from you at last... L number 2."

There was a pause, and Light's distorted voice crackled through the speakers.

"Who is this?"

"Call me... N," L smirked, tilting his head, "I've been following closely with the investigation."

You could hear voices in the background, but couldn't make out what they were saying. Light came back on. His cold voice had a slight edge to it. 

"I see... who are you and how did you get this number? How can you be of assistance?"

L glanced at Mello with a mischievous grin. The successor bit into a bar of chocolate.

"As for who I am, I'm sure you may appreciate why I favor anonymity. How I got this number is quite simple. You see," L's voice dropped an octave, "we received word of L's death... I know you're not the real L."

There was a chorus of gasps from the other side. You got an image of Light's face, shocked and confused, his heart probably stopping as his breath went cold. What would happen once all that composure was out the window? L inspected his nails lazily. 

"But I understand. There'd be a panic, riots even, if it was discovered L perished... that being said, I believe we should join forces. Our people want the same thing as yours... the capture and inevitable execution of Kira. You can contact me on this channel. Don't use any others."

"Wait!" Light's slightly panicked voice cried out, "how do we know you are who you say you are? You could be Kira, lying to enter the investigation."

You watched L intently. He seemed intrigued, his lips curled up.

"Very clever," he purred, eyes flashing, "I suppose you won't know if I'm genuine or not. Unless I give evidence. Very well. We're sending you all our case files we received when L died. It contains anecdotes and notes about the task force meetings that only L would know."

L motioned for Near to send the documents. Over the weeks, they'd made them, building them up to look official and changing any time stamps. You watched the screen intently, wishing you could see Light's reaction. It didn't seem like he was going to respond. It felt like a million years before he spoke, his voice sounding strained and tried.

"You have a lot," he rumbled uneasily, "how do you wish to work together?"

You stepped forward, crouching next to L as he spoke.

"L had apparently discovered a weakness linked to the note. This weakness is quite useful... it's allowed us to find a witness. If you meet us, we'll expose Kira... and we can do it together, L #2."

"A witness... A weakness?" Light whispered, "none of it makes sense! How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"We're sending coordinates for a meeting place. Be there on Friday with the note and we'll show you. If you wish. Either way, the investigation will be open on this end. If you ever want any help, our eyes and ears are always open... Let's meet again soon... L #2."

L hung up. Glancing at you, he placed his chin on his arm.

"We just need to wait now. At first, he'll think it's nothing. Probably something he already knows and has accounted for. But then he'll worry, thinking maybe there was something he missed. The seed of doubt will grow until he asks his Shinigami if there was something he wasn't told. If his Shinigami hasn't already told him about the eraser, I doubt he will. It'd be like spoiling the big reveal. He'll say no then. Kira will continue to wonder and ponder... what could we possibly have? What would warrant a secondary location... knowing him, he'll make a hundred charts detailing everything he knows about the note but in the end, he won't know... and so he'll come right to us. He'll tell Misa to watch in case we do have something, to bring the second note and not hesitate to kill everyone if things start going downhill... but we'll be prepared for such a contingency." 

Your mouth hung at how perceptive and thought-out his analysis was. When he described Light's reactions, it all made so much sense. So calculated. You nodded, brushing your lips against his.

"Disgusting," Near grumbled.

Matt snorted. L's eyes flickered in amusement. Your brow rose.

"Hey, either stay or get out. This kiss is happening."

Near cocked his head in interest, turning his attention to some toy while you kissed L. 

"Are you going to get married?" He asked, glancing mischievously at Matt and Mello.

The question surprised L so much he **_bit_ **down on your lip. You yelped, jerking your head back as drops of blood ran into your mouth. He winced, quickly searching for tissues while apologizing profusely. Mello and Matt snorted, breaking out into laughing fits. They watched on quietly as if it were a spectacle, tears from the laughter in the corners of their eyes.

L opened his mouth to respond to Near, but quickly clamped it shut. 

Near shrugged, returning to his game. You and L exchanged a glance, the air shifted. He glanced away from you, drumming his fingers.

"Preparations for Friday!"

"Yes!" You jumped at the change of topic, "I'll go... go!"

He nodded quickly. The successors barely watched the two of you scurry out, exchanging awkward looks. 


	25. Gone

You stood, perched staring out the window. When the glass-tinted car rolled into the lot, you spoke into your walkie.

"Huh, he's actually here... just as you predicted."

"Did you expect anything less?"

Even though L couldn't see, you stuck out your tongue playfully.

Light and the rest of the task force stepped out of the vehicle. You stared at him, not expecting the wave of fear that slammed into you. It had been a few weeks since you'd seen Light. No. That wasn't Light. Kira. A cold shell of someone you used to know... a tremor took over, but you quickly shoved your hands into your pockets. From your hiding place, you watched him walk into the abandoned warehouse. The warehouse had been L's idea. In addition to there being so much darkness for hiding and spots for cameras, it was at a position in which Misa wouldn't be able to look in with binoculars, meaning she'd have to get close to the building with the second note... close enough that one of the guards hiding near the entrances and holes would be able to apprehend her.

You slid down the stairs, landing next to L. He wrapped an arm around you. 

"You ready for this?" He asked quietly.

"Honestly. You speak as if I've never interacted with Kira before."

He winced but nodded, his fingers still lingering lovingly on your waist.

"I promise I'll be careful," you added, pecking his cheek, moving out of his grip. 

Matt, Mello, and two of the older kids were standing guard outside, hidden. L, Near, and about four other Wammy House kids waited anticipating in the shadows while you stepped into a pool of light. The task force sauntered in, Light's eyes popping in surprise. Everyone gasped. They stared at you as you grinned easily. 

"Y/n?! What are you doing here?" Light asked in a low voice.

"Oh. Couldn't you tell? I'm N," You sang, skipping up to him.

The two of you were a few inches away from each other. You blinked sweetly, tilting your head. He glared at you in a mix of disgust and confusion as you dragged your fingers down his collar. In his mind, it was suggestive that you were ready to move on... with him... but to you, it was a matter or wiretaps. Pulling yourself a bit closer, you gently slipped one of the taps below his collar. For a second, his eyes clouded over as he leaned into your touch, but he snapped back, shoving you away.

"What the Hell is wrong with you?" He hissed.

"Isn't this what you've wanted for years?," you laughed dryly.

His face went a bright red. The rest of the force balked, turning to glare at Light. Even Matsuda for all his stupidity got the insinuation. He pressed a palm to his forehead.

"Light! You hit on a grieving woman?"

"Not a good move," Aizawa rumbled.

Light's eyes darted between them before falling back down on you. Already, you could see his composure cracking. A thrill ran up your spine. The real show hadn't even begun yet! 

"Y/n... you're N? Why? We don't have time for this, we're actually _trying_ to catch Kira."

For a moment, it looked like the rest of the force would agree with him. You shook your head quickly, drawing their attention.

"Please. Wait. I wouldn't have called you all here if it wasn't important... the Death note has a fallacy... and I've discovered it."

Light's eyes narrowed.

"There is no fallacy," he said with a slight warning in his voice.

"Are you about that?" you breathed, leaning in.

He stiffened. His eyes darted around yours, burning amber and quiet fury. Light sneered, his scowl twisting his features into something ugly. 

"If she knows something, we should hear her out," Soichiro mediated.

Light's brow furrowed as he looked at his father. Soichiro was staring at you, a bit mistrustfully, but still willing to hear you. Light looked ready to argue, but his mouth closed. He glared at you expectantly.

"Give me the note," you said in the best sultry tone you could muster.

He scoffed, erupting into a fit of chuckles. His lips smirked tauntingly. 

"Why? So you can reveal you're Kira and kill us in one go? Or is this another attempt on my life?"

Your eyes hardened. You looked at the team behind him, shifting uneasily. It was clear everyone remembered that night five years ago, Hell even just the plate incident. Your screaming and kicking, desperate to kill Light. Worry wormed through your mind. What if they didn't believe you? Refused to give you the note? Aizawa met your eyes. You stared at him evenly, trying to send as many mental messages as you could._ This is important_. The older detective nodded slowly, watching you intently.

"Give her the note."

Light whirled on him, his composure cracking even more. You took a step back.

"What?! Why?! We don't know what she'll do with it!"

Matsuda glanced at you and your heart softened. He'd always been an innocent person, always saw the good in people. As he stared at you, you felt him shift to your side. He smiled trustfully.

"I trust her... that might make me stupid, but I believe in her."

Mogi, Soichiro and Ide sucked in a breath. But Matsuda's vocalization slowly led to everyone agreeing. Light's pupils went small as he glared at you, a newfound hate igniting behind his irises. You blinked, taking it out of his stiff hand.

"But I demand to see what you write," Light snapped.

You nodded, beckoning him to look on. He was tall, towering over you menacingly as you wrote your own name. From somewhere in the shadows, L had the page you'd stolen. He'd already written most of your name. Just as you were about to finish, you held up the pen, giving it a subtle twirl... a signal for him to write his last letter now. That would tie your fate to his page. Light stared at you in disbelief, his face contorting in a myriad of different expressions.

"You wrote your own name? Why?" He rasped.

"To prove a point," you declared, counting the seconds in your head, "to show that Kira's time is running out. The souls are getting impatient."

"The souls are getting... what? Y/n, you're not making sense!"

The task force rushed forward, examining your name in the book.

"Y/n! Why!?" Matsuda cried out

"I don't understand!"

"There's got to be a way to stop it!" Aizawa barked. 

"There...isn't..." Light muttered softly.

_5...4...3_...

Light quickly pulled you into a kiss. You recoiled, the taste of death on his lips, your eyes sparking in anger. Figures he'd try to have the last say. Your eyes popped as your heart tightened, your chest constricting. Almost instantly, you couldn't breathe, and the pain pounded your entire body. You scrabbled at your heart, as if you could rip out the pain itself.

You tipped, vaguely aware of Light catching you before the world spun and blurred into nothingness.

Light's perspective

Did... did that just happen? After years of anticipating the day I'd have to kill her... she wrote her own name? It was hard not to smile and laugh as I cradled Yn's body, pretending to sob harshly. Aizawa placed a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"I suppose... I suppose she couldn't handle L not being around," he mumbled quietly.

I forced tears to spring from my eyes as I nodded enthusiastically.

"I should've been there for her more," I wailed. To my delight, the rest looked at the ground somberly. Dad sank to his knees next to me, guilt and sadness ripping through his expression. Slowly, he pulled me into a hug, his face cracking.

"I can't believe she's gone," he croaked gently, his eyes misting, "I... I remember when you two were children... I... Light, I'm so sorry."

Gone... for some reason, that made me pause, staring down at her. From somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt a pang. Holy shit... she was gone... I'd had so many plans for her. A goddess standing by my side, ready to pass judgement. If she wanted me to kill Misa, I would've done it automatically. She would've wanted for nothing in my kingdom. I looked down at her open eyes, glazing over. My breathing came heavy. When we were kids... her kind eyes... they'd been gone for a long time. My stomach twisted, a bitter taste in my mouth.

L's perspective

I counted in my head. It had been approximately 2 minutes. Watching her fall, her eyes wide... I knew it was all part of the plan, but it felt like a part of me had died with her. I heaved, leaning against the wall for support. Was this really what it felt like for her when I died? No... it had to have been much worse... at least now there was a 98% probability she'd come back... but what if the eraser didn't work? It was an irrational fear, but it pestered. Fear raced through my mind, the eraser trembling in my hands. What if I'd just needlessly killed her? Hyperventilation took hold as I watched Light cradle her body... Light... my eyes narrowed, a new resolve rising through my mind. Fuck him. Near glanced at me, decked out in his makeup. He'd been keeping a close eye on his watch, giving enough time for the team to check her pulse, to let the moment sink in. I couldn't let it sink in... my head pounded, the world spinning dangerously.

"I think we can bring her back now."

I nodded. Thank God for Near. I'd never tell him, but he was a grounding force, calming in all his neutrality. I'd spent years trying to build that neutrality... just to fall in love and fail... Wordlessly, I slid the eraser across her name, moving it carefully, pleadingly. It worked for me... it had to work for her...

Mello's perspective

There... movement on the Western Entrance. As Misa creeped towards the warehouse, I leapt down, instinctively cocking my gun. She blanched, staring at me with large eyes that flashed red. I tilted my head, unable to stop the smug grin as I saw the death note in her arms. She noticed and shook her head in panic.

"It's me! I'm the only Kira!"

"We'll see," I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. 

She froze, staring at the gun warily. I motioned for her to come closer to me and she shuffled, her gaze flickering to the ground. 

"Drop it," I ordered.

Misa hesitated, her eyes wide. I pointed the gun a little forcefully and she shook her head.

"I'll die if it means protecting Light!"

Damn, that brainwashed? I nodded, my eyes narrowing. 

"Misa, if you don't surrender, I'm in a position to kill both you and Light."

That made her pause. Misa searched my eyes, realizing with a shock that I wasn't lying. Slowly, she hung her head, tossing the book. It slid across the floor, stopping by my feet. I scooped it up, sighing. As I stooped, she ran, her feet pounding against the pavement. She opened her mouth to scream for Light, but Matt shot out, tackling her. Misa fought, biting at scratching. Matt winced in pain but clamped a cloth into her mouth. She kicked out, twisting and leaping for the warehouse. I grabbed her, struggling as she tried escaping. Matt shot me a look, his green eyes focused as he took hold of her legs, dragging her away from the warehouse.


	26. Who are you?

Was this the silence L had been talking about? It was so profound. Where you couldn't hear anything, from the blood rushing through your ears and in a strange way... you couldn't even hear your thoughts. Earth felt so far away, and you could feel yourself stretching out, mixing with the rest of nothingness... and you didn't feel any way about it. Not angry or sad or even happy. Everything just was... and you were part of it... L's face did flash though and you felt your molecules buzz. It would be so easy to get lost in this soup of nothing, and with time, you would, but all you could see was him, his unique smile and the way his eyes reflecting silver. _L_.

Your eyes flew open, half expecting to see L. Instead, it was Light, crying unconvincingly, his father hugging him. He paused, just realizing you'd blinked. There was a second where neither of you moved as his brain froze. Gasping, he nearly dropped you as he scrambled back. The rest of the force looked on in awe, their eyes wide.

"Y-Y/n!" Light exclaimed in surprise, his body quivering.

Just to be a little dramatic, you yawned widely as you stretched, your muscles creaking. Mogi rushed forward.

"How?! We saw you die!"

"The fallacy," you chirped, standing.

Light's eyes followed you, terrified. A smirk played at your lips. He had no idea how you'd done it. You could tell his mind was bogged, racing but failing to comprehend. You took a step towards him and much to your dark delight, he flinched. 

"What fallacy?" Light asked, but it sounded small, like from a child.

A shiver of excitement ran up your spine. In truth, you enjoyed watching Light this way... a groveling, horrified mess. Even in magic, there were rules. And the fact that you'd just broken them had had such a pallid effect on him. But, no. The camel's back hadn't broken yet.

"Don't you see?" You purred, "the note is getting sick of you. It doesn't care about you anymore!_ It wants to move on_..."

If you hadn't died in front of him, it would've been a dumb bluff. Laughable. But lording over him, he let out a pathetic whimper at the prospect. From the corner of your eye, you saw Ryuk. He'd stayed quiet the entire time, watching you with such intense interest you thought you'd wilt under his gaze. Would he try saving Light? When he didn't correct you, you sighed. Unlike Rem, he didn't care about humans, or at least, not Light. Not enough to spoil such an interesting show.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked in a shaky voice.

From the shadows, L lumbered out. The entire force screamed, falling over each other. There. That was the moment. You saw it in his eyes. The moment Light's mind shattered. He'd allowed Kira to become all he was, allowed the Deathnote to be his entire self. Now that his unshakable faith was broken, you could see literally nothing in his eyes. A non-person who was torn. He shrieked, kicking outwards as he scooted back.

"You're dead!" He cried in panic, his pupils small dots, "I saw you die! I felt your pulse myself!"

L tilted his head, leering over Light. His chest puffed out a bit as he seemed satisfied with Light's condition.

"Well I'm back," he drawled, standing over Yagami.

Light's chest heaved as he stared at L, his body trembling. With each step L took, Light shrank smaller and smaller. Light crawled backwards, tripping into a puddle of water. He shook his head in disbelief as L got closer and closer. 

"How dare you kill all those people?" He growled venomously.

Light whimpered, shaking his head.

"It wasn't me!" He wailed.

"How dare you take my_ name_!? Live in my home while you eat my food?"

Now tears were streaming uncontrollably down Light's face. You watched in fascination, your body frozen. You'd never seen him like this before... as much as you'd thought you'd enjoy this... you felt a bit uncomfortable. L's voice dropped an octave, his voice suddenly turning from threatening into dangerous.

"How dare you hurt her?" He seethed, baring his teeth.

Light sobbed, covering his face with his arms. The task force had stopped in their places, looking on in shock. It looked like they were all paralyzed, like they physically couldn't move. L bent down so he was a few inches from Light's face, his features a mask of contorted rage. Light's jaw was trembling as he let loose a string of incoherent pleas. 

"Admit," He said so softly you almost missed it, "admit your crimes. You _disgust_ me... and you also disgust them..."

Everyone turned. Z was a prodigy with disguises and makeup, making the oldest kids at the orphanage look like Light's past victims. R had been turned into Raye, Near into Wedy, Y into Naomi, X into Aiber. At this point, Light was so far gone he couldn't tell if the orphans were truly his victims or not. All he could see were the hallowed, serious faces in the dark. He yelled, scrambling to his feet, staring at L.

"How... I don't understand! Why-why does the note want to move on?! I've given everything to it! My _soul_! _HOW AM I NOT ENOUGH_?!"

The others inhaled sharply. Soichiro looked at Light sadly. They tried to meet your eyes but you avoided them. There wasn't time for any_ I told you so'_s.

"Yagami, don't tell me... you're actually Kira..." Ide rasped.

Light's eyes darted between all the parties, slowly closing around him. Yes... he was no longer Light.... and L seemed to be well aware of this fact. There was a slight curl to his lips as he tilted his head.

"Who are you?"

The question made Light falter. It brought on a wave of hyperventilation. He grasped his hair, eyes spinning

"I'm Kira!" His voice cracked, his breathing heavy, "I am justice... the god of a new world! You think you can do what I've done?" His voice rose hysterically, "I'm the only one! I was chosen! It's my divine right!"

Light's eyes connected with yours and a manic grin spread across his face. You didn't have time to react before he leapt at you, his hand wrapping around your throat. You gasped, scratching at his hand, but you could already feel your mind spinning. A cough racked your body as you choked, fear making your heart thunder.

His fingers tightened around your windpipe. The edges of your vision went blurry. L howled, launching himself at Light. The action caught him so off-guard, he dropped you, but not before L tackled him, clawing at his face. They fell, L on top. He managed to drag his nails over Light's skin, causing large droplets of blood to slide down his cheeks. Light kicked his foot right against L's ribs, hard enough that a loud _crack_ filled the warehouse.

His eyes popped in pain as he was thrown back. L landed hard, gasping for breath, holding onto his ribs. Before anyone could do anything, Light scrabbled over to L. He was coughing wildly, sprawled. Light grabbed him by the hair, jerking him to his feet. L grunted, his mouth tight. His face was ashen. Your breath caught, the world spinning. All at once, so many of your worst fears raced to the forefront. Definitely some internal bleeding... the task force had unsheathed their guns and were examining the two of them. Light held him like a shield, his muscles bulging as he struggled to keep L still. You tried to keep your voice steady.

"Light... wait... please... take me... just let him g-"

Light glared at you, gripping the sides of L's head dangerously. L shivered, his eyes unfocused as he tried gazing at you.

"Y/n..." he mumbled, brow scrunching as he tried to stay awake.

"Give me a gun," Light growled, "or I swear I will snap his neck _right_ now."

L tried twisting and fighting, but Light smashed the heel of his foot into L's leg.

L screamed. It made your blood curdle and your stomach twist.

The leg was bent at an odd angle. He slumped into Light's grip. Your knees gave out on you as you kneeled in front of Light, staring at him pleadingly.

"Light," you tried to make your voice sweet as you attempted to smile. He stared at you, "why don't you let him go? I'll join you and we can finally be together... just how you wanted..."

His eyes flickered. L's breathing wheezed as he tried to tell you no. Light's eyes narrowed.

"This is another trick... you're a sinner! A temptress!" Spittle flew from his mouth, "If you really don't want me to kill him, then give me a fucking gun!" Light barked.

L managed a strained laugh, shaking his head.

"I'll see you in Hell," he snarled.

Light's grip on his head tightened.

"Stop!"

Everyone turned to see Matsuda, his eyes wide. You didn't know what to do. You felt so helpless, as if you were watching a horror movie play out in front of you. Matsuda held up his arms, lightly tossing his gun to the ground and kicking it in Light's direction. The rest of the task force still had their guns trained on him, their fingers twitching in uncertainty. Logically, you knew it was a bad move... but you couldn't help the glimmer of hope sparking in your mind. Light nodded, still using L as a shield as he scooped the gun. He smirked, pressing it against L's temple. You didn't mean for a whimper to escape as panic washed over you. Light twisted it slightly, gently stroking L's hair. L was on the verge of passing out, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

"He's not looking so well," Light purred, "I'd suggest you let me go right now and I'll leave him somewhere and be on my merry way... yeah?"

The warehouse door opened with a loud _clang_. Everyone whirled, their nerves already on high. A yell caught in your throat as Light fired blindly in that direction.

Misa stumbled forward, her wrists bound and her mouth gagged. She must've found a way to escape... Blood slowly seeped out of her forehead as she stared at Light, betrayal painted across her face. Behind her, Matt and Mello had frozen, their features widening in shock and horror as she fell to the ground. Your teeth clattered, your eyes glancing back at Light. Even he had a mortified expression as the gun shook in his hand. Was this his first time killing without the Death note?

"Misa?" He whispered, swaying.

When she didn't respond, he made a strangled sound. Your body felt locked, like you didn't know where to go or what to do... but then he started laughing...

Light stumbled backwards until he was pressed to the wall. Everyone watched, unable to take their eyes off his wild sounds. His head tipped backwards as he let out an even louder insane laugh, his eyes wide. L's head lolled forward, a shudder overtaking his body. He quickly tried to pick it back up, tilting his neck so he could see Light's face. Everyone stared as he flippantly waved the gun around, eyes blazing crazily.

"Who's next, hm? Him?" He jammed it against L's forehead. He met Light's eyes evenly, not showing any fear, but pain made him gasp as the gun left a burn mark, "or you?" Light cried, aiming at you.

Your heart seized as you stared down the gun's barrel. It was still smoking from when he used it against Misa. That made L bristle, his eyes narrowing dangerously. He tried getting out of Light's grip, but he quickly swept the gun between the two of you, deciding who to kill first. Soichiro shook his head, eyes brimming in panic.

"Light, please," he appeased, tears forming in the corners of his eyes, "son... just... put the gun down..."

Light's entire body twitched while he cackled, his grip death-like on the handle as he jabbed it in your direction, his knuckles white.

"I miss you," the words tumbled out of your mouth.

It was directed towards your friend... the one you'd lost. The one you who used to grab ice cream with you and who you'd watch countless movies and shows with. All the things you did together, even the small times you'd just hang out... Games, pizza, making fun of others to each other... you missed all of it... tears slipped down the bridge of your nose. Light stared at you, L slipping from his grip. L crumpled to the floor. When he didn't move, you could only assume he'd passed out. Hope fluttered through your brain... but Light's mind was too fractured... he swept a hand through his hair, resumed his laughing, except now his own tears were falling at the same time. 

"I'll do it!" He roared in between laughing, "I'm justice! And you," he glared straight into your pupils, his irises fire, "you have sinned beyond repent! I'll kill you... AND EVERYONE LIKE YOU! _DO YOU HEAR ME?! **I AM GOD**!_"

A shot echoed through the warehouse.

You dropped to the ground as more shots exploded. Looking through your trembling fingers, your breath caught. The gun in Soichiro's hand was smoking. Light had fallen into the puddle of water, his blood running onto the tiles beneath him.


	27. Healing

Time felt frozen. It was like he fell in slow motion, the blood practically exploding from the wounds.

"Light?" You breathed in awe.

Soichiro slid to his knees, ripping out an anguished cry.

When Light didn't move, you rushed to L's side. The two of them were about a foot apart, so close that Light's blood was being soaked up by L's white shirt, caking in his black hair and staining his pearly skin. You held his head while Aizawa whipped out a cellphone.

"I got the ambulance!" He yelled. 

You nodded in daze, your hand ghosting over L's chest. His breathing was obstructed. His lips moved wordlessly.

"Hey, it's okay," you whispered, "I'm here."

L sighed, tilting his head so it was pressed against your chest. He looked up you with silver eyes. They were mainly unfocused, twisted in pain.

"It hurts," he rasped.

You nodded, pushing your fingers through his hair. 

"Help's on its way... don't you _dare_ die on me... I don't want to keep dragging your ass back here."

His lips tugged up in a slight smile.

"That would be an inconvenience," he breathed.

"Misa! Kill them all! Misa! You idiot, where are you? _Misa_!' Light wailed, "oh, God, **_Misa_**..." He coughed, blood spurting out of his mouth.

You glanced over to see Soichiro crawling on his hands and knees to his son's broken body. The task force stood to the side, their heads bowed in respect... the Wammy kids were huddled in fear, their little eyes wide. When Soichiro arrived, he slumped, his eyes pooled and dead.

"This is my fault," he murmured, scanning Light's face.

He was staring at the ceiling, breathing heavily, not acknowledging his father's presence. Soichiro let out a shuddered breath, hunching his shoulders... you watched him slowly take out his gun and place it beneath his chin.

"Wait!" You shrieked.

Soichiro paused, staring at you. The rest of the team had jumped, frozen in various position as they'd tried racing forward. Soichiro shook his head, his eyes hollow.

"I did this... Light... it's all my fault..."

"It's not," you pleaded, wishing you could slide to his side.

As if reading your thoughts, you felt a hand on your shoulder. Matt. And next to him Mello and Near. Your eyes flickered down to L, still having a hard time breathing, but sleeping relatively peacefully. You nodded gratefully, moving to Soichiro's side while they sat around him. Now that you had a clear view of Light's body, it felt like you couldn't take your eyes away. He was so broken... so bloody...

"If you're gone, who will be there for Sayu?" You asked, your body shaking, "she's about to lose her brother... what about Sachiko? They need you now more than ever."

Soichiro was still staring at the gun in his hand, his face torn.

"How can you still care?" He asked, searching your face, "I wouldn't blame if you wished to see any trace of my son eradicated from this world..."

The words made you shift. No... that...

"I don't," you whispered, "I just want the suffering to stop..."

Soichiro stared at you, his features crossed in a wistful expression.

"I'm proud to have seen you grow..."

Your eyes misted. In a way, you considered him as a second father. Finally, he conceded, tucking it away. 

Could Light move his head? It didn't seem so... his eyes flickered in your direction, locking with you. You mouth fell open slightly at how caught in them you were... you never thought it was possible to see so much terror in a person's eyes. You'd thought you'd be angry, that some darker part of your mind would enjoy this... but you didn't. You'd meant what you said to Soichiro... you were just sick of the suffering on all ends. No one seemed to win... 

He opened his mouth, but only blood gurgled out. His pupils went small, begging. He was pathetic, no semblance of honor left. Mixed with heavy breathing were whimpers as he tried saying words through the blood. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes when he couldn't. They streamed down his cheeks, his fear palatable. You met his face... understanding what he wanted...

Your eyes went to L, shifting in surprise when you realized he was awake. He was staring at you intently, his gaze hypnotic. But it was the most trustful expression you'd ever seen him give. You couldn't explain it, but he said so many things with that expression, silently yet loudly giving you his faith. He trusted you to make the right decision... to keep yourself from slipping down a darker path... He gently tugged at Mello's sleeve, motioning for him to give the death note to you. 

Soichiro had curled up into a ball, sobbing as you took the book from Mello's outstretched hand. Light's eyes flashed in a mix of gratitude and horror. Tears streamed down Soichiro's face.

"I can't do it..." he lamented.

You pulled him into as tight a hug as you could manage. 

"You don't have to," you answered gently.

He broke down.

Light's blood soaked through his shirt, making it stick to his skin. It seeped out, staining the water red. You tried not to cry, to show too much emotion. Why were you being like this? After everything he had done... still, you touched his face gently. His shallow breaths came out heavier in response to your touch. His mouth gaped slightly, even as the blood streamed out and down his cheeks. Trying to keep your hand steady, you wrote.

_Light Yagami_.

As much as you didn't want to, you looked at Light, counting the seconds. He was shaking, his jaws clattering together. He tried saying something again, but was hit by a wave of pain. You gently touched his arm, translating while simultaneously saying your own message.

"Goodbye... old friend," you whispered.

There. That look he gave you. For a second, you could almost believe it was the Light you once knew. Eager, kind brown eyes always ready to help. His eyes popped, locking with yours desperately, his mouth falling open. He let out a strangled whimper as his whole body seized. And just like that, a person you knew for decades was dead, his eyes unblinking yet still trained on yours. 

A shiver took over your body. L had been right... killing someone felt _rotten_. 

Your legs threatened to give out as you moved back towards L, pressing your forehead against his. His eyes rolled back as he struggled to stay awake. You heaved... your mind spinning dangerously. 

Near gently pulled you into a hug, still facing the floor. Mello and Matt were soon to follow. Slowly but surely, all the Wammy kids were snapping out of their stupor, crowding around L worriedly. H disappeared, returning with a stack of blankets, grinning sheepishly. Everyone took one, quietly waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

* * *

L's eyes fluttered open, his face twisting in a moan.

"L!" You cried out, enveloping him.

He squeaked in surprise, but it quickly eased into a loving smile. You pulled away, pressing your hands to the side of his face, needing to just feel him. L blinked, looking around the hospital room and wincing.

"Not even a month and I'm already putting my body through the wringer," he smirked dryly.

You wiped at the tears forming in your eyes, laughing.

"You really want to test how far you can push it, huh? The boys went to buy lunch. They should be back in a few minutes."

L wrinkled his nose.

"Cafeteria food?"

You snorted, fiddling with the hem of his hospital gown.

"They've been banned from the cafeteria. Mello completely cleaned out their chocolate selection, Near insulted the chef's cooking and when the two of them were confronted, Matt may or may not have punched someone to save the others' honors."

L laughed. It was a beautiful sound that sent your stomach doing flips. The two of you sat still, the air gentle with the warm sun. He wrapped his fingers around your wrist, his eyes tearing. 

"We survived," he murmured in awe.

A wave of emotions crashed through your mind as you nodded. There was a lingering sadness though that you were trying to push down. L held you out, perceptive as ever.

"But you still feel sad," he rumbled.

"No... I don't."

"Y/n."

He captured your eyes. Were you repressing again? Shit. Tears stung.

"I'm not sa-- I'm not...oh, Go--" you let out a silent cry. 

"I didn't think he was that far gone," he rumbled softly, "I anticipated he'd choose survival over the note."

You were vaguely aware of L wrapping you in a hug, pressing his forehead against your temple. You sagged in his grip, inhaling his scent. It calmed you, brought you back into the room. He tenderly touched your chin.

"Lawliet," you murmured.

Being able to say his name so openly made both of you shiver. It was like a weight had been lifted off your chest. Freedom... L grunted as he slid to the side, leaving enough room for you to slip onto the bed against him. The bed was surprisingly soft, threatening to send you sleeping. He twisted so he was facing you, his eyes flickering. Here, at this moment in the universe, you were with him... smelling his sweet aroma and feeling his soft skin. L pulled you into a kiss, his lips warm. You wanted to melt, stay in this moment forever. 

"Where do you want to go now?" You breathed through the kiss.

L considered. You stared at those features, his sharp chin and stormy eyes. God, you could get lost in those eyes forever.

"I think we both deserve a break," you chuckled at his words, "why don't you say we stay at Wammy's... and decide from there?"

Stay at Wammy's... yes... you'd love that. You could already see all the children running around. A smile crept up your lips. You loved them all, every letter and child in that house. And the successors... you'd begun to understand the way they worked and thought, even developing your own language with Near. 

"And decide from there," you answered, pressing your forehead against his.

The boys strode in with their lunch, pausing when they saw you sleeping, pressed against L. The two of you were peaceful, your faces set pristinely. Mello bit into his chocolate.

"Damn, a world class detective and a ladies' man?... he's so cool..."

"Or they're just both weird," Near quipped.

Mello opened his mouth to argue, but Matt snapped his fingers. 

"Jesus, you two are pains. Come on, let's go find somewhere to eat."

Near and Mello glanced at each other, putting the argument on hold as they made their way out of the room. Matt paused in the doorway. You shifted, your brow furrowing. L gently hugged you closer, mumbling incoherently in his sleep. Your brow relaxed as you sleepily buried your face in his chest. Nodding, Matt left with a small smile on his face. 


	28. Epilogue

**2 years later**

Your heart leapt to your throat while you paced. For months you'd obsessed over this day. The day L proposed was still fresh in your mind.

_The two of you had been working on a new case together. Of course the both of you had tried having a more quiet life away from detective work at Wammy's, what will the whole psychological trauma from Kira and everything. For a while, it was nice. The English countryside was calming, and every day living with a large group of genius children brought something new. _

_But, come on. _

_As if either of you could stay away for long. You'd found a certain thrill in investigating Kira and after about a year, the both of you were itching to start working on cases together. It didn't help that all the boys had gone into their own detective work and over the year consulted the two of you on multiple cases. One day, you just kind of shared this look with L, the two of you having a silent conversation. And just like that, it was decided you'd have a detective agency together._

_You looked up, realizing L was staring at you. It wasn't his usual 'I'm just going to admiringly watch you for a while' stares. This one was more calculating, almost nervous. You flashed him an easy smile, and he seemed to relax._

_"See something you like?"_

_He moved towards you, gently nibbling on your ear. You sighed, your eyes clouding over. His breath tickled._

_"Will you marry me?"_

_You straightened, almost running into L's face. He jumped back quickly, blinking, his eyes so wide and nervous it looked like he might pop. He sank in his crouched position, watching you intently, drumming his fingers over his knees. Your eyes met his. Was he serious?... A smile crossed your face. _

_"Of course!"_

_His jaw fell open. You giggled, enveloping him in a hug so tightly he slipped off his chair. A yelp escaped as the two of you crashed to the floor, him stretched out on top. You pressed your lips against his, joyfully, savoring the moment. He returned it._

_"Wow. I didn't think you'd say yes."_

_"You really thought I'd say no?" you whispered teasingly, "what brought this on?"_

_L's face turned a deep scarlet. You'd never seen so much color in his features before._

_"Near said something a while back and I don't know, I've never believed marriage to be necessary," his voice lowered a notch, "I've even thought of it as cheesy... it's just, well, I--"_

_God, he was so handsome when he rambled. You gently twisted his hair, beaming. He paused, his hand slowly sliding over yours. _

_"I don't know," he whispered more to himself, "it feels right. And I usually follow my intuition. Is that odd? It feels odd."_

_"It's not," you replied, bring him lower on top of you. _

_He kissed your neck, giving it a tentative lick._

_"Good... so, um... I guess, uh..." his face fell miserably, "I don't have a ring. I think I just ruined this whole proposal thing."_

_"Hm. So the Great Detective **can** be wrong."_

_L tilted his head curiously while you chuckled._

_"It's not ruined," you clarified._

_His lips tugged up as he cupped your face, landing another kiss._

You loved the dress when you bought it, but now it felt like you couldn't breathe. There was a stack of index cards with various breathing exercises clutched tightly in your hands. None of them were working.

Stepping outside, your heart skipped a beat. He was wearing a suit, that fit his lean body. It made him look distinguished, mysterious, an extra air of romance. Jesus, he looked so uncomfortable in it. He fidgeted, his shoes moving about as if his toes were begging for air. An attempt had been made to tame his hair, but it was definitely feeling rebellious. But when he saw you, his face lit up.

You walked down the aisle, everyone looking on teary-eyed. Somewhere, Matsuda sobbed, blowing loudly into his handkerchief. L hadn't been able to choose one best man, so he had the boys, Matt in the middle. Although Near looked disinterested with the entire ceremony, you could tell he was happy. Mello was twitching nervously as if he was the one being married. Matt gently kicked their shins, prompting them to stand straighter. You reached L, tilting you head. He cleared his throat, eyes flickering across the crowd.

"Y/n... I'm not the best at speeches... or speaking in front of people in general. But... this is important. You're important. This matters to me... You're the only woman I've ever loved, the only one I've ever trusted... Humans are a strange species. We're capable of so much good and then fall to so much evil. Sometimes what we think is good isn't or sometimes there is no such thing as good in a situation, and it's a confusing mess. But you're a good person worthy of trust. You show compassion, things that I thought were just frivolous ideals until I met you. You didn't just change my life... you changed everything I thought a person could be. And I guess in that way, you changed everything I could be."

Your eyes misted. Damn it, your throat was getting tight. You wiped at your eyes, trying to make your words clear.

"When I first met you, I didn't know what to think. You were such a mystery, but I knew there was something special about you. Everything about you sucked me in, and now I'm so deep in this world, and I love it. I love being a detective, and traveling the world with you and _being_ with you... I know what life is like without you. It's dull and empty, a-and dark. This world is so much more amazing with you in it. You bring so much, and I adore you for it. You're an amazing, unpredictable whirlwind full of sweets and games... I feel like I'm living when I'm around you."

L searched your eyes, a smile crossing his features. It was gentle, but it held so much weight.

After the ceremony, the two of you were dancing. He was terrible, moving with the delicate grace of an elephant. At some point, he'd kicked off the shoes, and the two of you were planning on making it a date to burn them later, complete with marshmallows and romantic music. You chuckled, trying to move him more rhythmically.

"Here, just follow my lead."

He stared at you while you led him in the dance. L cringed as his feet slapped the floor. His eyes moved to your lips in awe.

"What could've ever possessed you to fall for me?" he mused more to himself.

"Good question. Ask me again once I've had a few drinks."

"Har har," he rolled his eyes playfully, turning back to you, his eyes much more serious, "I know how deeply the Kira case hurt you... and I'm sorry."

You paused, examining him. Everyone else danced around the two of you. He touched your face tenderly, his own torn in guilt.

"... for what?"

"Involving you in the first place. If I'd just left our chance meeting just that, you wouldn't have gone through that pain, that anger--"

"Then I would've never seen Light for the monster he was. I never would've found out about Shinigamis and insane notebooks," you hesitated, taking in this cleaned up but still impossibly messy detective, "and I never would've fallen in love with you. We wouldn't be having this wedding right now... I don't have any regrets."

L's thumb moved along your chin, tracing the line of your jaw. You leaned into his touch, a sigh building in your chest. He smiled, pressing his forehead against yours.

"I'm glad," he murmured, "because... I can't imagine where I'd be without you."

You intertwined your fingers together, breathing in each others' scents. The room was a mix of aromas and sights, filling your senses. Your eyes slid shut, your mind encouraging you to have a moment just to take it all in... the feeling of his long fingers on his skin, the way the music vibrated your chest...

"Hey, Y/n?" he called softly.

"Yeah?" Your eyes fluttered open.

He smirked mischievously, "want to go get cake?"

"**_Finally_**! I thought you'd never ask!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaahhh I loved writing this story! In terms of the amount of chapters in a fan fiction, this is definitely my longest one. Thank you so much to everyone! Any commenters, kudos-leavers, bookmakers, subscribers, or even just casual readers! It was an amazing feeling to see people take time out of their day to read and like my work :). 
> 
> I actually am writing a sequel that I was thinking of posting, but it's much darker in themes and execution than this one. There's a reason for that that I'll put in a note when I post it (kind of a long). I had the idea so I was like, 'alright, just type it out and then you can decide if you want to post it'. So yeah :). If you're interested, hope you check it out. But if darker material isn't your cup of tea, I understand! 
> 
> Gahhh, thank you!!!


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